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Firefly Moments that Broke My Heart:
Simon and River in War Stories
[Simon enters his and River’s room, where River is laying down, looking ill.]
Simon: Woah. Mei-mei. How you doing?
River: I threw up.
Simon: Mmm sorry, it's a side effect. We just have to find the right treatment for you. How do you feel now?
River: Going. Going back, like apple bits, coming back up. Chaos.
Simon: But you felt okay this morning?
River: Played with Kaylee. The sun came out, and… I walked on my feet, and… heard with my ears. I ate the bits. The bits did stay down. And I work. I function like I'm a girl. I hate it because I know it'll go away! The sun grows dark, and chaos is come again. Bits… fluids...What am I?
I started a medication in febuary that changed my life. The several months long blinding migraine went away and I finally stopped vomiting every day. I suddenly could do everything I put my mind to. But it would wear off a few days after I took it, and the migraines and vomiting would come back. And the side effects were awful. It felt like my nerve endings were tied to lead weights, being chewed on by venomous insects, and set on fire. My emotions were blunted completely, I just couldn't feel a thing but excruciating pain, compounded by my fibromyalgia. It was even giving me tics, and some days I felt like I was strapped down to my bed and couldn't move. Over time it got worse, and each dose hurt more and more. It took more and more percocet and beta blockers to control the pain from the side effects, but it made me so functional so I hid my pain from my doctors because they didn't notice I was taking more percocet. But a nurse finally talked to me about it and said she thinks my pain isn't being managed properly, and she said my blood pressure is getting dangerously low, and she's really right. It can't continue. I had to stop the miracle drug, and I cried and cried when I realized that.The excruciating pain went away, but the migraine and vomiting came back and my functionality has fled. I'm heartbroken. "I work, I function like I'm a girl. I hate it because I know it'll go away." I've always identified with River, but that line moreso now than ever.
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