Cristina wrote to me a few months ago
She sent this long Facebook message saying she forgives me. Ten years later she’s replying to the message I sent her apologizing for The Love Crusade™️.
And when I read it I was shocked but honestly also pretty dismissive because I was in the middle of leaving my fiancé and finding a place to live and in the headspace where my whole life felt like it was falling apart. That message just felt so irrelevant to who I am now.
And now I find myself thinking about the message and whether I should have replied. Feeling a bit of shame and guilt for not at least acknowledging it.
But then there’s this other part of me that’s like... what?
She’s really harbored this resentment towards me for ten years; to such a level where she feels compelled now to reach out with forgiveness?
This doesn’t feel like it’s about me at all.
The hurt was evidently deep there, and I truly am sorry for any part I played in it.
It was never about her. I hope she realizes that by now.
It’s ok for her to not like me. She doesn’t need to offer her forgiveness, but if she feels better for it then I’m glad for her.
I am an imperfect work in progress. Hedonistic and selfish sometimes. I’m ok with that. It seems weird to be forgiven for something I stopped being ashamed of a long time ago.
But I wish her the best. And I’m sorry she had to join Dead Moms Club.
And when I read it I was shocked but honestly also pretty dismissive because I was in the middle of leaving my fiancé and finding a place to live and in the headspace where my whole life felt like it was falling apart. That message just felt so irrelevant to who I am now.
And now I find myself thinking about the message and whether I should have replied. Feeling a bit of shame and guilt for not at least acknowledging it.
But then there’s this other part of me that’s like... what?
She’s really harbored this resentment towards me for ten years; to such a level where she feels compelled now to reach out with forgiveness?
This doesn’t feel like it’s about me at all.
The hurt was evidently deep there, and I truly am sorry for any part I played in it.
It was never about her. I hope she realizes that by now.
It’s ok for her to not like me. She doesn’t need to offer her forgiveness, but if she feels better for it then I’m glad for her.
I am an imperfect work in progress. Hedonistic and selfish sometimes. I’m ok with that. It seems weird to be forgiven for something I stopped being ashamed of a long time ago.
But I wish her the best. And I’m sorry she had to join Dead Moms Club.