nothing some coffee won't fix?
I had a lot on my mind when I woke up this morning. So much so that I woke at 7:30 and couldn't fall back asleep...if you know me, then it's weird. On a day off I should be asleep (at the minimum) until 9am.
I haven't had a problem with anxiety for about a week...maybe a little less, which was Great because I'd had this panic-y feeling for about 2 weeks straight prior to the hiatus of nerves. You know, actually, the past week I've been feeling great. Less apologetic, more confident, more determined and more independent. Until this morning. Now I feel like crawling under the bed and hiding out for a while, which is saying something because my bed is a mattress on the floor. Today, I feel...distracted. I guess that's a good word for it, because I don't feel scared or nervous really, just preoccupied but I'm not sure with what...The same way I get nervous and I don't know why, it doesn't make any sense but that's just the way it is.
I was walking and thinking this morning that I hate Apathy. It's my least favorite feeling...or lack there of, which is funny because I think I tried really hard in my life to achieve it so as to not be hurt by anything. But I think I'd rather be hurt a hundred times if it meant caring when it was important and being aware of opportunities when they presented themselves, no matter how subtle.
I'm eager to be 21 and spend the weekend after my birthday in portland. I'd like that to all work out...and it's only about a month away! I know it's just another number but I feel like it's important, I'm not really sure why, but I feel like it is. I'm looking forward to school starting up here because I can see all of my old friends again and hopefully start making some new ones.
I hunger for pancakes and scrambled eggs.
I'd like to be hugged.
I want to be at a party? I like being around people.
I should chop all of my hair off. again.
I need to go check on my laundry.
I wish I was 21 already.
I don't want presents for my birthday, I want people.
I almost apologized for this entry, I almost said, "I know this entry is kinda girly and annoying". Fuck that.
I haven't had a problem with anxiety for about a week...maybe a little less, which was Great because I'd had this panic-y feeling for about 2 weeks straight prior to the hiatus of nerves. You know, actually, the past week I've been feeling great. Less apologetic, more confident, more determined and more independent. Until this morning. Now I feel like crawling under the bed and hiding out for a while, which is saying something because my bed is a mattress on the floor. Today, I feel...distracted. I guess that's a good word for it, because I don't feel scared or nervous really, just preoccupied but I'm not sure with what...The same way I get nervous and I don't know why, it doesn't make any sense but that's just the way it is.
I was walking and thinking this morning that I hate Apathy. It's my least favorite feeling...or lack there of, which is funny because I think I tried really hard in my life to achieve it so as to not be hurt by anything. But I think I'd rather be hurt a hundred times if it meant caring when it was important and being aware of opportunities when they presented themselves, no matter how subtle.
I'm eager to be 21 and spend the weekend after my birthday in portland. I'd like that to all work out...and it's only about a month away! I know it's just another number but I feel like it's important, I'm not really sure why, but I feel like it is. I'm looking forward to school starting up here because I can see all of my old friends again and hopefully start making some new ones.
I hunger for pancakes and scrambled eggs.
I'd like to be hugged.
I want to be at a party? I like being around people.
I should chop all of my hair off. again.
I need to go check on my laundry.
I wish I was 21 already.
I don't want presents for my birthday, I want people.
I almost apologized for this entry, I almost said, "I know this entry is kinda girly and annoying". Fuck that.