so easy to please, so difficult to satisfy
my mental state has been a bit fragile for awhile now. changes are being made, and hopefully it will help. more of a focus on what makes me happy, less on what makes me self-conscious. more of a clear distinction between work and relaxing, and a real commitment to both.
it was good to see eric on sunday, in a lot of ways we are very very similar. it's nice to know he trusts me like he does, nice to realize we're not alone in this boat. and it was just good to see his face, the shaggy dog.
i still haven't found my spark. and lately it has been really really getting me.
i might be dropping the ball. i want this to work. i must make this work. but i feel like everytime i take a step forward it forces me two back. we're coming to the wall, and i need answers.
i have a feeling it's going to sit there for awhile. and i suppose it's not a bad thing to consider, an important litmus test, but i know i won't let myself pass very easily. i will keep concluding, keep changing the score.
i need to stop letting people put words in my mouth. i need to stop being so tired first. but that's thing, i can't stop. i can't stop making commitments, can't stop wondering, can't stop finding books, can't stop wanting those hills, i can't stop myself. and i guess i just haven't found the right balance yet. i'm not even 20 yet though. i need to give myself a break.
i've got so many things on track. the others will come. someone will come. it will come.
until then, i'll be walking halfway there
it was good to see eric on sunday, in a lot of ways we are very very similar. it's nice to know he trusts me like he does, nice to realize we're not alone in this boat. and it was just good to see his face, the shaggy dog.
i still haven't found my spark. and lately it has been really really getting me.
i might be dropping the ball. i want this to work. i must make this work. but i feel like everytime i take a step forward it forces me two back. we're coming to the wall, and i need answers.
i have a feeling it's going to sit there for awhile. and i suppose it's not a bad thing to consider, an important litmus test, but i know i won't let myself pass very easily. i will keep concluding, keep changing the score.
i need to stop letting people put words in my mouth. i need to stop being so tired first. but that's thing, i can't stop. i can't stop making commitments, can't stop wondering, can't stop finding books, can't stop wanting those hills, i can't stop myself. and i guess i just haven't found the right balance yet. i'm not even 20 yet though. i need to give myself a break.
i've got so many things on track. the others will come. someone will come. it will come.
until then, i'll be walking halfway there