(no subject)
Ok, I can't help it, I'm lonely. I'm not so much miserable, I've shut down a lot, so I'm unhappy instead. I feel like an ass for claiming loneliness when my family is here willing to involve themselves in whatever I ask. I just don't want that, and it makes me feel lower than shit to even say that. I've been there and through that for so much of my life. I don't want more, I want less and different. But it's not like they stop trying, they came into Uno's the other night, I wasn't in the mood to deal with them that night. And tonight, my little brother walks in wearing my old karate uniform and mom's telling me how much he missed the punching bag I had gotten for him for christmas. Stop trying to impose yourselves on me! Maybe they're not trying to open my eyes to their "love" but going about their business, still it just rubs me the wrong way everytime and I don't know why.
School is school, can anyone ever really expect me to enjoy it? I do like two of my teachers. The one lady is younger and she failed from three colleges before realizing what she wanted to do. Not saying that that is my specific path, but she can remember the mind set at this point in most her student's lives, if she's not still on it. The other lady is a mom, but I found her today in the library to ask for some papers I missed when I was sick(cough cough) and didn't go to class. So as we walk out to her car, I notice all the cool bumper stickers she has and I told her she has to be one of my favorite teachers to which she responds, I'm better when I'm sober. I love it. And work, is kind of a mess. I feel like I should've been given more time to train, which wasn't possible. Going to work for a place that's short staffed, I was thrown into this mess and now the managers have to cover for some of my mistakes, but they're all pretty chill and understanding. But there's that one huge thing missing from my life, or two combined into one. Drinking with people!!! One of the girls I work with has a friend or two in Winchester, so I told her last night, that we are going to apple blossom! I mean it, I will be there!
School is school, can anyone ever really expect me to enjoy it? I do like two of my teachers. The one lady is younger and she failed from three colleges before realizing what she wanted to do. Not saying that that is my specific path, but she can remember the mind set at this point in most her student's lives, if she's not still on it. The other lady is a mom, but I found her today in the library to ask for some papers I missed when I was sick(cough cough) and didn't go to class. So as we walk out to her car, I notice all the cool bumper stickers she has and I told her she has to be one of my favorite teachers to which she responds, I'm better when I'm sober. I love it. And work, is kind of a mess. I feel like I should've been given more time to train, which wasn't possible. Going to work for a place that's short staffed, I was thrown into this mess and now the managers have to cover for some of my mistakes, but they're all pretty chill and understanding. But there's that one huge thing missing from my life, or two combined into one. Drinking with people!!! One of the girls I work with has a friend or two in Winchester, so I told her last night, that we are going to apple blossom! I mean it, I will be there!