Most chilren are exposed to smoking and drinking from their parents....I was exposed to hypocracy.
I've noticed something about my family. We're all hypocrites. On one level or another, we're all definitely hypocrites.
Today, my mother called me and my brother and asked us if we wanted to join them in seeing the condominium in South Everett that we'll be moving into next month. I agreed and so did my brother. I walked in and got to see it for the first time and it's amazing. The space is incredible and even the smaller bedrooms are still quite spacious. The kitchen is amazing! It's all gas-controlled, including the fireplace in the living room. There's a balcony that's HUGANIC! It's runs the length of the condo!
My brother and I ended up having a conversation in the master bedroom which struck me odd, but I tried my best to not get heated. He talked about how he really wanted my dresser, which I inherited from my mother when she bought new furniture. He wasn't talking enviously (i.e.: "Gee, I sure wish I had a dresser as nice as yours"), he was talking more deservingly (i.e.: "I'm sure glad that I'm taking your dresser from you") He already took my TV from me, but I didn't fight him on it because #1) It's my mom's TV and she said to my face that it was not my TV and that she reserves the right to take it back at anytime. Technically, Kendall didn't take it. My mom took it and gave it to my brother, so I didn't fight that (Not to mention, being that Kendall and I would be living together, I'll still benefit from the TV). The bedroom furniture however (dresser and two matching nightstands) are *mine* Mom didn't say that she was "loaning" them to me. Why the hell does my mom need an extra set of bedroom furniture? She *gave* them to me, and it sickens me to believe that my brother thinks that he can take my dresser because he's got the master bedroom and he deserves it. He always says this too, which boggles my mind, but I never actually argue with him about it. Everytime I get defensive about something that is *MINE*, he says these words in the following order "I can't wait until you get over this holier-than-thou complex that you have." IT'S MY FUCKING STUFF!!!! And I don't understand where I'm getting this holier-than-thou complex. I really want to know what he deems as a HTT complex anyhow! Because I sure as hell do not believe that everything should be handed to me on a silver platter. I really don't, and I don't believe that I make it seem that way either.
My mom WANTS to pay for me. I don't ask her for money 99% of the time. Although there have been two occasions lately where I asked Mom for $40 total ($20 on two separate occasions) for gas, being that I've been having to drive to Lynnwood on several occasions for job opportunities and condo-hunting with her. That's it. I never asked her to pay my rent, I never asked her to pay for my landline when I had one. I don't ask for these things, but I'm hardly ungrateful for them. I'm very thankful for Mom being the helpful person that's she's been lately. Ever since the big blowout at the Sunshine Cafe, she's been making the attempts to be more friendly and stay out of the aspects of my life that don't concern her. In other words, she's been respecting my privacy and in turn, I'm respecting her.
I know I have a default emotion that I come to when these situations arise, and that's initially to give in. I'm going to have one BIG FUCKING talk with Mom and ask her exactly what she does own and does not own. If she says that she still has claim over the floor lamps and the furniture and she wants to give it to Kendall, fine. I won't fight it. Honestly, it's not worth the enormous amounts of negative energy that will be generated from my brother not getting his way, and I don't want to be surrounded by that kind of negativity. I'm moving to Lynnwood to escape that part of my life and start anew. I just find it all too amusing that problems are arousing here before I even live there. I really hope that my brother and I can find an understanding without me having to sacrifice.
Update now: I had my talk with Mom and she told me that the floor lamps and the TV were lent out to me, and that's fine, I have no desire to claim them, but being that she owns her own bedroom set, the old oak one that she gave to me, she actually GAVE to me, so she's not going to claim it back or announce ownership to Kendall. I think I've just been angry about a lot of things and that's why this email sounded so angry, and truth be told, I'm still mad about it, but I'm really trying to be the adult one about all of this, so let's see what happens when Kellyn grows up.
Anywho, I can't remember if I was planning on going anywhere else with this. I started this entry while still coming down from an MAJOR alcoholic buzz and now I'm continuing it completely sober two days later, so the whole thing might seem a little sporadic and possibly a little schizo, but I think I'm gonna be ok.
I still have to get ahold of Chris and talk to him about getting my stuff moved up to Lynnwood. My mom told me that she doesn't intend on helping me in the least, and that's ok, because I really do need to start learning to fend for myself on the harder aspects of life. So I'll be saving up like mad for the time being and renting a truck with Chris's help.
Ok, kiddies, it's bedtime.
--
Kellyn
Today, my mother called me and my brother and asked us if we wanted to join them in seeing the condominium in South Everett that we'll be moving into next month. I agreed and so did my brother. I walked in and got to see it for the first time and it's amazing. The space is incredible and even the smaller bedrooms are still quite spacious. The kitchen is amazing! It's all gas-controlled, including the fireplace in the living room. There's a balcony that's HUGANIC! It's runs the length of the condo!
My brother and I ended up having a conversation in the master bedroom which struck me odd, but I tried my best to not get heated. He talked about how he really wanted my dresser, which I inherited from my mother when she bought new furniture. He wasn't talking enviously (i.e.: "Gee, I sure wish I had a dresser as nice as yours"), he was talking more deservingly (i.e.: "I'm sure glad that I'm taking your dresser from you") He already took my TV from me, but I didn't fight him on it because #1) It's my mom's TV and she said to my face that it was not my TV and that she reserves the right to take it back at anytime. Technically, Kendall didn't take it. My mom took it and gave it to my brother, so I didn't fight that (Not to mention, being that Kendall and I would be living together, I'll still benefit from the TV). The bedroom furniture however (dresser and two matching nightstands) are *mine* Mom didn't say that she was "loaning" them to me. Why the hell does my mom need an extra set of bedroom furniture? She *gave* them to me, and it sickens me to believe that my brother thinks that he can take my dresser because he's got the master bedroom and he deserves it. He always says this too, which boggles my mind, but I never actually argue with him about it. Everytime I get defensive about something that is *MINE*, he says these words in the following order "I can't wait until you get over this holier-than-thou complex that you have." IT'S MY FUCKING STUFF!!!! And I don't understand where I'm getting this holier-than-thou complex. I really want to know what he deems as a HTT complex anyhow! Because I sure as hell do not believe that everything should be handed to me on a silver platter. I really don't, and I don't believe that I make it seem that way either.
My mom WANTS to pay for me. I don't ask her for money 99% of the time. Although there have been two occasions lately where I asked Mom for $40 total ($20 on two separate occasions) for gas, being that I've been having to drive to Lynnwood on several occasions for job opportunities and condo-hunting with her. That's it. I never asked her to pay my rent, I never asked her to pay for my landline when I had one. I don't ask for these things, but I'm hardly ungrateful for them. I'm very thankful for Mom being the helpful person that's she's been lately. Ever since the big blowout at the Sunshine Cafe, she's been making the attempts to be more friendly and stay out of the aspects of my life that don't concern her. In other words, she's been respecting my privacy and in turn, I'm respecting her.
I know I have a default emotion that I come to when these situations arise, and that's initially to give in. I'm going to have one BIG FUCKING talk with Mom and ask her exactly what she does own and does not own. If she says that she still has claim over the floor lamps and the furniture and she wants to give it to Kendall, fine. I won't fight it. Honestly, it's not worth the enormous amounts of negative energy that will be generated from my brother not getting his way, and I don't want to be surrounded by that kind of negativity. I'm moving to Lynnwood to escape that part of my life and start anew. I just find it all too amusing that problems are arousing here before I even live there. I really hope that my brother and I can find an understanding without me having to sacrifice.
Update now: I had my talk with Mom and she told me that the floor lamps and the TV were lent out to me, and that's fine, I have no desire to claim them, but being that she owns her own bedroom set, the old oak one that she gave to me, she actually GAVE to me, so she's not going to claim it back or announce ownership to Kendall. I think I've just been angry about a lot of things and that's why this email sounded so angry, and truth be told, I'm still mad about it, but I'm really trying to be the adult one about all of this, so let's see what happens when Kellyn grows up.
Anywho, I can't remember if I was planning on going anywhere else with this. I started this entry while still coming down from an MAJOR alcoholic buzz and now I'm continuing it completely sober two days later, so the whole thing might seem a little sporadic and possibly a little schizo, but I think I'm gonna be ok.
I still have to get ahold of Chris and talk to him about getting my stuff moved up to Lynnwood. My mom told me that she doesn't intend on helping me in the least, and that's ok, because I really do need to start learning to fend for myself on the harder aspects of life. So I'll be saving up like mad for the time being and renting a truck with Chris's help.
Ok, kiddies, it's bedtime.
--
Kellyn