(no subject)
The funeral was today.
Oh, god, his face was horrible. I know that the burn scars were probably worse looking, but whoever did the make up should die and burn in hell. He looked like a melting wax doll. So fake and cold. It didn't even look the way I remembered him. I was supposed to put a stuffed tiger into his coffin, and I couldn't do it. I handed it to Katie and walked away. I saw Bobby crying, so I went and hugged him, tried to make him feel better.
The coffin was so tiny. About as long as the backseat of a small car. White plastic that was painted to look like marble. How cheap. Though I suppose Maria couldn't do much better. Her and Don aren't the richest of people. What I felt though was that my mom was being cheated, and so was Nicolas. They didn't even invite her to sit up front with the immediate family, even though my mom was like a second mother to Nathan. And Nicolas... they didn't have ANY pictures of him with Nathan, though they had plenty of Nathan with Donald and his two sons, Nathan and Nicolas's stepbrothers. Total and utter bullshit, but hey, I can't complain now, it's too late.
They released a dove at the cemetary. I thought it was a cliche trick. They drew the whole thing out. As if people weren't feeling bad enough, they have to keep talking and talking and talking about it, and the preacher just wouldn't shut up. I'd definitely say Bobby was crying the hardest. Maria barely cried at all and it was her son that died. Maybe they still had her sedated. That has to be the only explaination, because if it had been my son that died like that, I would have been hysterical.
I feel so bad for Nicolas. I mean, he's only five, so he doesn't understand death. After we left the cemetary, he kept telling mom that Nathan would be back in a few days. When she kept trying to explain death to him, he just kept condradicting her, telling her Nathan was going to grow up, just like him, and that he was going to come back. I couldn't stop crying until we went to El Rancherito. Don't laugh, it's not a funny name. My grandparents, mom, and aunt decided to eat there for dinner at two in the afternoon. All I did was sit and pick at my food, and then my mom had the audacity to ask me why I seemed so angry, because I wasn't talking. I kinda looked at her like 'duh', but I guess she didn't get the jist, so I ignored her.
I just want to come home now, back to Florida. I want to sleep in my bed and go back to school. It would be better than sitting and watching tv, wishing that it hadn't been open casket ceremonies. I'm never going to forget that empty shell. Ever.
Jae
Oh, god, his face was horrible. I know that the burn scars were probably worse looking, but whoever did the make up should die and burn in hell. He looked like a melting wax doll. So fake and cold. It didn't even look the way I remembered him. I was supposed to put a stuffed tiger into his coffin, and I couldn't do it. I handed it to Katie and walked away. I saw Bobby crying, so I went and hugged him, tried to make him feel better.
The coffin was so tiny. About as long as the backseat of a small car. White plastic that was painted to look like marble. How cheap. Though I suppose Maria couldn't do much better. Her and Don aren't the richest of people. What I felt though was that my mom was being cheated, and so was Nicolas. They didn't even invite her to sit up front with the immediate family, even though my mom was like a second mother to Nathan. And Nicolas... they didn't have ANY pictures of him with Nathan, though they had plenty of Nathan with Donald and his two sons, Nathan and Nicolas's stepbrothers. Total and utter bullshit, but hey, I can't complain now, it's too late.
They released a dove at the cemetary. I thought it was a cliche trick. They drew the whole thing out. As if people weren't feeling bad enough, they have to keep talking and talking and talking about it, and the preacher just wouldn't shut up. I'd definitely say Bobby was crying the hardest. Maria barely cried at all and it was her son that died. Maybe they still had her sedated. That has to be the only explaination, because if it had been my son that died like that, I would have been hysterical.
I feel so bad for Nicolas. I mean, he's only five, so he doesn't understand death. After we left the cemetary, he kept telling mom that Nathan would be back in a few days. When she kept trying to explain death to him, he just kept condradicting her, telling her Nathan was going to grow up, just like him, and that he was going to come back. I couldn't stop crying until we went to El Rancherito. Don't laugh, it's not a funny name. My grandparents, mom, and aunt decided to eat there for dinner at two in the afternoon. All I did was sit and pick at my food, and then my mom had the audacity to ask me why I seemed so angry, because I wasn't talking. I kinda looked at her like 'duh', but I guess she didn't get the jist, so I ignored her.
I just want to come home now, back to Florida. I want to sleep in my bed and go back to school. It would be better than sitting and watching tv, wishing that it hadn't been open casket ceremonies. I'm never going to forget that empty shell. Ever.
Jae