wow, sad
There's nothing quite like a contemplative conversation on the drive home to bring you down after a fun evening.
Amanda went with Kevin, Bobby, and I to the mall this evening. Took us forever to find where she lived. I bought new striped socks (pink, blue, and green), and JTHM #4.Yeah... we had fun. Amanda even bought us matching I ♥ Napoleon buttons, because we both love that movie Napoleon Dynamite.
And then, when Kevin and I dropped her off, we started talking about Derek and Melaney, Greg and Amber, and how we both really need to find a good, stable relationship with someone that actually cares about us.
He got me thinking; I'm completely repressing myself without anyone else knowing it. I think I'm starting to drown myself in a new kind of depression, one that's not as noticable as the last time I thought I had one. This is... different. This time it might be real... maybe even worse. I don't need a boyfriend, but I'm lonely, and I don't know what to do. Please, don't comment and say I need to get laid, because I don't really think that's the problem here. I think that I'm trying to cling to anyone that will give me attention, and I'm feeling really bad about it. I just... I don't know what to do. It's driving me crazy.
Kevin thanked me for introducing him to Jodi, who made him love her and then crushed his heart. And he honestly meant it, too, after all she'd done to him.
That made me want to feel that kind of love for a person. I've never felt like that before. Ever. And I really wish I could love someone. But there's no one there for me to love.
Someday... I will find somebody, I'm sure. But right now, I'm just not at a point in my life where I need to go out and find someone. I feel that maybe they'll find me.
♥ Jae
Amanda went with Kevin, Bobby, and I to the mall this evening. Took us forever to find where she lived. I bought new striped socks (pink, blue, and green), and JTHM #4.Yeah... we had fun. Amanda even bought us matching I ♥ Napoleon buttons, because we both love that movie Napoleon Dynamite.
And then, when Kevin and I dropped her off, we started talking about Derek and Melaney, Greg and Amber, and how we both really need to find a good, stable relationship with someone that actually cares about us.
He got me thinking; I'm completely repressing myself without anyone else knowing it. I think I'm starting to drown myself in a new kind of depression, one that's not as noticable as the last time I thought I had one. This is... different. This time it might be real... maybe even worse. I don't need a boyfriend, but I'm lonely, and I don't know what to do. Please, don't comment and say I need to get laid, because I don't really think that's the problem here. I think that I'm trying to cling to anyone that will give me attention, and I'm feeling really bad about it. I just... I don't know what to do. It's driving me crazy.
Kevin thanked me for introducing him to Jodi, who made him love her and then crushed his heart. And he honestly meant it, too, after all she'd done to him.
That made me want to feel that kind of love for a person. I've never felt like that before. Ever. And I really wish I could love someone. But there's no one there for me to love.
Someday... I will find somebody, I'm sure. But right now, I'm just not at a point in my life where I need to go out and find someone. I feel that maybe they'll find me.
♥ Jae