(no subject)
I don’t know what to do.
I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t feel anything at all about this kind of thing. I’m still just a stupid little teenager. God, I feel so alone. So fucking ALONE. I don’t have anyone I can talk to. Not the way I want to. I want someone I tell everything that won’t go tell someone else, who will go tell someone else more than likely. I can’t trust anyone like that, not even Kari, ‘cause she’ll probably tell Melanie (don’t get offended, Kari, you know it’s true). I can’t tell Amber anything anymore either, because she seems to have this superiority complex with me lately, like everything she is and does is so much better than me and what I do. I just feel so shitty.
I hate feeling this alone. It makes me feel desperate, and I don’t want to feel that way.
Maybe I should try and hook back up with Derek; or not. He was such a dick when he was dating Melanie. He’s still a dick, actually, but he’s more of a friend to me than most of my ‘friends’ are. At least he talks to me enough to make me feel like I’m not invisible. I can’t get anyone to talk to me like that. It’s like I’m there for them to talk to, but not for me to talk to them. Like I said… I can’t say anything to anyone because no one makes me feel comfortable enough as a friend to do just that.
Bastards. All of you.
I wish Mike lived near me. I think I could tell him things if I knew him in person. He’s such a great guy, really funny and sincere. And sooo nice. He’s cute, yeah. But his personality is what attracts me to him. Again… if only he lived near me, instead of in Tennessee. It makes me want to cry when I realize that I don’t love anyone.
I want someone to lie down with, to lie in their arms. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel loved. I want to be surrounded by people and not feel so desolate, so alone, so utterly tied back.
Fuck me, Freddy. I feel like a teenager.
I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t feel anything at all about this kind of thing. I’m still just a stupid little teenager. God, I feel so alone. So fucking ALONE. I don’t have anyone I can talk to. Not the way I want to. I want someone I tell everything that won’t go tell someone else, who will go tell someone else more than likely. I can’t trust anyone like that, not even Kari, ‘cause she’ll probably tell Melanie (don’t get offended, Kari, you know it’s true). I can’t tell Amber anything anymore either, because she seems to have this superiority complex with me lately, like everything she is and does is so much better than me and what I do. I just feel so shitty.
I hate feeling this alone. It makes me feel desperate, and I don’t want to feel that way.
Maybe I should try and hook back up with Derek; or not. He was such a dick when he was dating Melanie. He’s still a dick, actually, but he’s more of a friend to me than most of my ‘friends’ are. At least he talks to me enough to make me feel like I’m not invisible. I can’t get anyone to talk to me like that. It’s like I’m there for them to talk to, but not for me to talk to them. Like I said… I can’t say anything to anyone because no one makes me feel comfortable enough as a friend to do just that.
Bastards. All of you.
I wish Mike lived near me. I think I could tell him things if I knew him in person. He’s such a great guy, really funny and sincere. And sooo nice. He’s cute, yeah. But his personality is what attracts me to him. Again… if only he lived near me, instead of in Tennessee. It makes me want to cry when I realize that I don’t love anyone.
I want someone to lie down with, to lie in their arms. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel loved. I want to be surrounded by people and not feel so desolate, so alone, so utterly tied back.
Fuck me, Freddy. I feel like a teenager.