(no subject)
New layout. Whoo hoo.
I was looking back over my entries just now, and I began thinking about things. Nothing in my life seems to want to go right this year. No matter how hard you try, you can't make better. And I tried, I really did. I tried acting like I usually do, like I did last year, and I guess it worked for the kids at school and for my parents. But I can't fool myself. I'm still unhappy. I'm not sure when I will be. I mean, come on, my life isn't just going to be me going through the day smiling and nodding to make everyone else think I'm fine. Because sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I just want to walk away in the middle of a conversation and go find some place to sleep in, where I don't have to listen to the consistant ramblings of people that don't actually know what they're talking about.
I've finally gotten to Illinois, where I'm going to be staying until sometime in July so I can spend time with my mom. I actually didn't want to come. It's not that I don't love her or anything (I do, and that's the only reason why I came). I just didn't want to leave my familiar little house to come to a home that I used to live in and now feels so foreign to me. And I didn't want to go back to those people that made me so miserable for the first 15 years of my life. They suck. =(
There's really nothing I can do now. I didn't want to hurt mom's feelings (because she's stupid enough to think that if I say no to her, that I don't love her anymore). But now I have nothing to do but play on the computer, and then everyone complains that I'm spending too much time on it. I just want to scream at them. I was to tell them that it's their fault for not asking me to do stuff with them. If there's nothing else to do, I'm not getting off of this computer. It keeps me occupied so that I don't have to think about how much it sucks to be here.
Well, the computer seems to be the only good part of this trip so far. God, I suck so much at life.
♥ Jae
I was looking back over my entries just now, and I began thinking about things. Nothing in my life seems to want to go right this year. No matter how hard you try, you can't make better. And I tried, I really did. I tried acting like I usually do, like I did last year, and I guess it worked for the kids at school and for my parents. But I can't fool myself. I'm still unhappy. I'm not sure when I will be. I mean, come on, my life isn't just going to be me going through the day smiling and nodding to make everyone else think I'm fine. Because sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I just want to walk away in the middle of a conversation and go find some place to sleep in, where I don't have to listen to the consistant ramblings of people that don't actually know what they're talking about.
I've finally gotten to Illinois, where I'm going to be staying until sometime in July so I can spend time with my mom. I actually didn't want to come. It's not that I don't love her or anything (I do, and that's the only reason why I came). I just didn't want to leave my familiar little house to come to a home that I used to live in and now feels so foreign to me. And I didn't want to go back to those people that made me so miserable for the first 15 years of my life. They suck. =(
There's really nothing I can do now. I didn't want to hurt mom's feelings (because she's stupid enough to think that if I say no to her, that I don't love her anymore). But now I have nothing to do but play on the computer, and then everyone complains that I'm spending too much time on it. I just want to scream at them. I was to tell them that it's their fault for not asking me to do stuff with them. If there's nothing else to do, I'm not getting off of this computer. It keeps me occupied so that I don't have to think about how much it sucks to be here.
Well, the computer seems to be the only good part of this trip so far. God, I suck so much at life.
♥ Jae