it's up to me now, turn on the bright lights.
i really appreciate interpol right now, which suggests that later, i may not respect it as much. but i'm like that with everything and everyone. so in the meantime, i'm going to wrap myself in paul bank's voice and sleep the good sleep.
i just spent my last two dollars on a 7-11 slurpee. pepsi flavored. it sucks being a broke bitch, but hopefully the checks come in today. i have to be at work in about an hour or so. i really need a nap.
i've made another person aware of borderline personality disorder, which makes me feel good. since i don't really feel very bpd when i'm not cycling, sometimes i wonder whether i really have it or not. i got so attached to the diagnosis before i even went to a pdoc, so it's like a distant best friend that i don't want to let go of but i've totally lost touch with. and my bipolar is like an annoying relative that wont go home. funny. considering i don't have a very big family, i sure make up for it in mental disorders.
i really wish i didn't have to work, at all. i mean, i need the money, and i might be able to get smoke from my boss tonight, which would be lovely, but i'm depressed lately and really just want to curl up with interpol and my jacket and stare at candles and watch kristen write letters. there's a tropical storm outside, around us, or something. the first one of the season. i wish it were a hurricane, category 3 or 4, so i wouldn't have to go to work at all.
this year is making me anxious. it's like how i felt in the end of my junior year in highschool. time for college applications and grown up stuff. only now i have to worry about paying back my loans and getting into grad school and taking the GREs and staying alive. not necessarily in that order.
staying alive isn't really a priority. i could give or take my life, right now. i think i'm just waiting for a reason to live or die. which doesn't really put me in control at all, does it?
i just spent my last two dollars on a 7-11 slurpee. pepsi flavored. it sucks being a broke bitch, but hopefully the checks come in today. i have to be at work in about an hour or so. i really need a nap.
i've made another person aware of borderline personality disorder, which makes me feel good. since i don't really feel very bpd when i'm not cycling, sometimes i wonder whether i really have it or not. i got so attached to the diagnosis before i even went to a pdoc, so it's like a distant best friend that i don't want to let go of but i've totally lost touch with. and my bipolar is like an annoying relative that wont go home. funny. considering i don't have a very big family, i sure make up for it in mental disorders.
i really wish i didn't have to work, at all. i mean, i need the money, and i might be able to get smoke from my boss tonight, which would be lovely, but i'm depressed lately and really just want to curl up with interpol and my jacket and stare at candles and watch kristen write letters. there's a tropical storm outside, around us, or something. the first one of the season. i wish it were a hurricane, category 3 or 4, so i wouldn't have to go to work at all.
this year is making me anxious. it's like how i felt in the end of my junior year in highschool. time for college applications and grown up stuff. only now i have to worry about paying back my loans and getting into grad school and taking the GREs and staying alive. not necessarily in that order.
staying alive isn't really a priority. i could give or take my life, right now. i think i'm just waiting for a reason to live or die. which doesn't really put me in control at all, does it?