Oct 23, 2008 08:31
2AM - [2 hours remaining]
it was past that time
[I knew i wasn't getting the proper amount of sleep that night]
the bridging point -
when less sleep constructs
an easier entry into the waking world.
transition -
a problem became an asset
to priority.
2:19 - [1 hour 41 minutes remaining]
isolation -
i then reached for pen and paper
as if it would provide some sort of company.
2:20 - [1 hour 40 minutes remaining]
preparation -
to drown in an ocean of words
that would describe my curiosity towards
my current disposition
[in moments time
my questions would be calculated and branded
into my memory bank as a deposit
towards my intimate fatality
caused by my own evolution
in critical thought.]
location -
under a security blanket of hope
and with dim lighting to set the scene
depth -
i probed for definition and instead found a solution
in the rock-bottom of realization
2:27 - [1 hour 33 minutes remaining]
description -
i began to write down answers to my secular prayers
that i would translate from Latin to laymen in mourning.
'my disappointment is created by my faith and lack there of,
so is it escapable? I mean does the answer not lie in reading people like words?
commandments -
1. simultaneously suspect the best and worst
2. ignore persuasive slurs
3. follow instinctive course'
i continued to write
the only truth
i felt i'd ever heard
3:14 - [46 minutes remaining]
abstraction -
'i expect more of the distant because they'll never qualify as characters in my dreams. those who have proven to me beauty have only secrets to reveal and the qualities they don't let most people see'
with every stroke i found i was convincing myself more of the words flowing from me. Placing scar tissue over open wounds that may have been easy penetration for later connection.
crucifying
my obsessions,
i was condemning myself to
a life of realistic objection.
3:43 [17 minutes remaining]
another line
crept from my tainted heart
and through the pen tip;
'and with every inch we gain, we take a full step backwards. I prefer to love from afar to maintain inaccurate perceptions. I'm conscious of my insecurities, and accept our intimate interactions as addictions that will serve as an inevitable short cut to rehabilitation'
3:51 [9 minutes remaining]
a sharp pain in my stomach momentarily crippled me.
struggling i threw down the words -
'the closer you get the less you'll understand of me,
and i'm doomed to never love because
i've lost the power to be naive'
3:59 - sacrifice [1 minute remaining]
I threw the pen across the room
[as an offering instead of my innocence]
but the metaphoric dagger had already slay
the child within me
4 AM - mourning [ground zero]
i turned off the lights,
and grabbed my pillow tightly
i'll never again ask the pen for anything, i thought
now its not just tonight
that will be sleepless
but i have obtained a lifetime title
of insomniac
that was brought upon
by an accidental self conviction
which was merely an attempt to
numb my boredom.