Why yes, I am better.
I have been really horrible at keeping my journal updated lately. I used to write daily, about every detail of my life as it happened and then I tended to just worry about the bad stuff. My goal now is to write about how I've changed and my quest to be better. I re-read some of my older entries and all I could think was "...wow" The old me, the me that I have been struggling to fix and replace looks back and sees what a drama whore I was. I let any little comment get to me and would let my life crash down around me because one aspect of it wasn't good enough. I'm far from fixed but I think I'm in a better place than I have been in quite some time. Having everything blow up with Morgan was wretched but I can see it from her side now. Took me forever to realize it but I'm now seeing how important it is to not constantly need someone, but to want them around. I exhausted many people and I left them unsure of how to deal with me because I was so worried about losing them or having them not stick around. In reality, I as well as they, would probably have been much happier for much longer had I known that before. Better late than never eh? I'd like to think that one day, when she's ready we can try and make our friendship work. I was the one to cause the breakdown so I understand now what a huge, unnecessary weight I put on her and how unfair it was to do that.
I've made a few new friends lately which has been such a great boost. The lovely
_absolutely and I have hung out a lot more and get along really well. Her boyfriend Andrew has really had his world rocked due to a tragic accident that claimed his right hand, which also made me step back and look at how petty my "problems" were. He's an amazing person that blows me away with how composed he forces himself to be around Jenn and Delilah. (also, I won't lie.. ranting and raving over Andrew's ball of crazy family IS quite amusing, Jenn!)
Work is great, I can FINALLY say. No longer working at Jenny's has been such a drastic change in attitude and over all I am just much happier. Jenny really threw me under when everything exploded and I made the mistake of really thinking she would surprise me with her reaction of the news. Clearly, she did not. It was messy, to say the least. After I was honest and told her yes I was burnt out (because she'd been telling this to me the more and more tentative I got about working last minute for her) I was honest and said that yes, of course I was. I work 7 days a week, I am in charge of the ordering, invoices, prep lists, shopping lists, sandwiches, salads, cookies, catering lists, catering prep and keeping the kitchen in order PLUS cutting all the checks for all of our vendors. Throw that in with working extra hours for catering, house sitting and babysitting her daughter. I was honest and told her I do so much without asking for anything and my last raise had been over a year. Plus when we get short staffed I was pulled from the kitchen to help up front because she was never there to help with us during our rush.
She really did expect me to assure her that I love my job and would do anything to keep it. Instead I was honest, after she had said we got complaints about food. Soo.. What did I do? I went through our work email and printed out six emails we'd received just that past month of people complimenting my baking and cooking. A new girl out front had grabbed the wrong tray in a rush of lunch madness, which Jenny thought was my fault and that I hadn't been paying attention to keeping the back stocked. Emily realized her mistake and I switched it out but I think J was just waiting for anything, to go off on me. Emily said sorry and that it was her fault but next thing I know I'm being sent home and "we'll start again tomorrow"
I receive a call a few hours later, not from Jenny... but Shane. She tells me that J knows it wasn't my fault the wrong thing was grabbed but she still feels I am burnt out and need a change. The change? Well! They want me to stay working but if that were to happen I would be starting the next day as the dishwasher/prep person. Also, Lois would be taking over my job and any manager tasks I had would be put on Shane. So, I could return to work the next day with a 7 dollar pay cut while a guy with an 8th grade education takes mine.
Clearly, my answer was no. I spoke to April that day and asked if I could just help out with any hours at all until December when I could get brought on full time.
It's amazing! Having a boss that sees your potential and cares about you enough to live up to their promise.
So.. My new job is amazing. I wake up and WANT to go in. I'm given a list of what needs to be done for the day and that's it. No one to stand over my shoulder quizzing me on what I am doing, waiting for me to mess up some small detail of it. We all just like one another and the environment and energy in the kitchen is always positive and light hearted. Granted, we get in binds and short on time for major events but it isn't a feeling of anger or annoyance.. just urgency and the music playing because we are all busting our asses to finish.
April is pretty much my safety. She's kept me sane and never even hesitated doing whatever it took to get me out of Jenny's. I owe her a lot.
For the most part, life is good. It's busy and filled with really, really exhausting long hours since Christmas is always when people book all of their holiday parties.
Eric really does have my genes, the poor kiddo has to have his tonsils removed on the 16th of this month. He's only 5!! I'm scared outta my skin even though I'm sure there is no reason to be. Catherine is bringing him to Boise for it because the only doctor in Ketchum to do it is booked until February and they want to use Christmas break for his healing time. I have a few of our larger catering events that weekend but what little amount of time I do have, will be spent glued to his and Catherine's sides. My mom is coming for Christmas, the first time we've spent it with her (and Claire!) in 7 years. I think we're going to try and make it up there so we can open presents with Eric and Alex, since my mom always wants to get as much time with him as she can. It's amazing, really. How lucky I got.
I spent a three day weekend with them before Thanksgiving break and had the best time. I spent an entire day with Eric, alone. We woke up early and had breakfast, went to the local elementary school and made snow angels and an ice cave, then made his entire week after taking him to go see a movie at the theater and bought him a box of dots at the concession stand. He looked at me like I was the best thing ever which made me melt. After the movie we went home and made cookies together. The weekend was just spectacular and every time I leave them it just blows me away that I'm so lucky.
Behind the cut I'm posting some much needed pictures. A few are from my trip to Eddie along with some newer Eric pictures.
I have no idea who even reads this journal anymore, since I go through such long stretches of nothing.
I've made a few new friends lately which has been such a great boost. The lovely
_absolutely and I have hung out a lot more and get along really well. Her boyfriend Andrew has really had his world rocked due to a tragic accident that claimed his right hand, which also made me step back and look at how petty my "problems" were. He's an amazing person that blows me away with how composed he forces himself to be around Jenn and Delilah. (also, I won't lie.. ranting and raving over Andrew's ball of crazy family IS quite amusing, Jenn!)
Work is great, I can FINALLY say. No longer working at Jenny's has been such a drastic change in attitude and over all I am just much happier. Jenny really threw me under when everything exploded and I made the mistake of really thinking she would surprise me with her reaction of the news. Clearly, she did not. It was messy, to say the least. After I was honest and told her yes I was burnt out (because she'd been telling this to me the more and more tentative I got about working last minute for her) I was honest and said that yes, of course I was. I work 7 days a week, I am in charge of the ordering, invoices, prep lists, shopping lists, sandwiches, salads, cookies, catering lists, catering prep and keeping the kitchen in order PLUS cutting all the checks for all of our vendors. Throw that in with working extra hours for catering, house sitting and babysitting her daughter. I was honest and told her I do so much without asking for anything and my last raise had been over a year. Plus when we get short staffed I was pulled from the kitchen to help up front because she was never there to help with us during our rush.
She really did expect me to assure her that I love my job and would do anything to keep it. Instead I was honest, after she had said we got complaints about food. Soo.. What did I do? I went through our work email and printed out six emails we'd received just that past month of people complimenting my baking and cooking. A new girl out front had grabbed the wrong tray in a rush of lunch madness, which Jenny thought was my fault and that I hadn't been paying attention to keeping the back stocked. Emily realized her mistake and I switched it out but I think J was just waiting for anything, to go off on me. Emily said sorry and that it was her fault but next thing I know I'm being sent home and "we'll start again tomorrow"
I receive a call a few hours later, not from Jenny... but Shane. She tells me that J knows it wasn't my fault the wrong thing was grabbed but she still feels I am burnt out and need a change. The change? Well! They want me to stay working but if that were to happen I would be starting the next day as the dishwasher/prep person. Also, Lois would be taking over my job and any manager tasks I had would be put on Shane. So, I could return to work the next day with a 7 dollar pay cut while a guy with an 8th grade education takes mine.
Clearly, my answer was no. I spoke to April that day and asked if I could just help out with any hours at all until December when I could get brought on full time.
It's amazing! Having a boss that sees your potential and cares about you enough to live up to their promise.
So.. My new job is amazing. I wake up and WANT to go in. I'm given a list of what needs to be done for the day and that's it. No one to stand over my shoulder quizzing me on what I am doing, waiting for me to mess up some small detail of it. We all just like one another and the environment and energy in the kitchen is always positive and light hearted. Granted, we get in binds and short on time for major events but it isn't a feeling of anger or annoyance.. just urgency and the music playing because we are all busting our asses to finish.
April is pretty much my safety. She's kept me sane and never even hesitated doing whatever it took to get me out of Jenny's. I owe her a lot.
For the most part, life is good. It's busy and filled with really, really exhausting long hours since Christmas is always when people book all of their holiday parties.
Eric really does have my genes, the poor kiddo has to have his tonsils removed on the 16th of this month. He's only 5!! I'm scared outta my skin even though I'm sure there is no reason to be. Catherine is bringing him to Boise for it because the only doctor in Ketchum to do it is booked until February and they want to use Christmas break for his healing time. I have a few of our larger catering events that weekend but what little amount of time I do have, will be spent glued to his and Catherine's sides. My mom is coming for Christmas, the first time we've spent it with her (and Claire!) in 7 years. I think we're going to try and make it up there so we can open presents with Eric and Alex, since my mom always wants to get as much time with him as she can. It's amazing, really. How lucky I got.
I spent a three day weekend with them before Thanksgiving break and had the best time. I spent an entire day with Eric, alone. We woke up early and had breakfast, went to the local elementary school and made snow angels and an ice cave, then made his entire week after taking him to go see a movie at the theater and bought him a box of dots at the concession stand. He looked at me like I was the best thing ever which made me melt. After the movie we went home and made cookies together. The weekend was just spectacular and every time I leave them it just blows me away that I'm so lucky.
Behind the cut I'm posting some much needed pictures. A few are from my trip to Eddie along with some newer Eric pictures.
I have no idea who even reads this journal anymore, since I go through such long stretches of nothing.