tornadoes, son of return of the fly part II, and stupid cow-irker stories
So there WAS a tornado that passed over my tiny town, and within a mile or even a half mile of me. I wasn't the only one that heard that giant freighter/freight train roaring too. Which means I'm really lucky that it only did minor tree damage and didn't seriously touch down or hit my apartment because I was still on the upper floor when it went by. *SHUDDER* I honestly spent quite a lot of time today freaking out about that.
There was one or two other tornadoes behind that one, but our area got off pretty easy. There was another tornado in my sister's town that also wasn't too bad, but there were some bad ones east of here. Though after Oklahoma, no one can whine. "Euhhhh, I lost my satellite tv." Yeah? You're still alive though.
I feel slightly better, but I can't get a breath and I keep getting dizzy and falling into things when that happens, and the basement is still flooded, but we are washing some clothes for tomorrow, precious. Now that it's our turn. An unusual amount of people are wading through muddy water to use the once again, not quite working correctly washer today. Though the slumlords figured out that it was also running for free, so that is the part they fixed. I mixed a bunch of darks and lights that don't matter if they get darkified, cause I can't do that many trips. Plus I need to shower and try try try to get eight hours of sleep for once. Hopefully the next batch of thunderstorms will miss us. I've had enough exciting weather, and wheezing in flooded basements under the one working lightbulb, with a bunch of drug addicts is awful. Hunter S Thompson could make that a novel, but it's not something you want to live.
GoodMom invited me over for spaghetti and chicken alfredo, but I had to turn her down. And not just I can't really eat those foods, though I do love me some chicken alfredo, even if it hurts us. I didn't want to make her sick, plus I needed to lean against something and wheeze for a couple hours after barely making it up the stairs. And through work all day. Can't take a sick day and be punished you know. Catbert hates people that take days off for any reason. Last year around this time 16 people quit within two months. This year he's trying to match that record by effing people over and forcing them out.
And my internet just went down again. I had a repair guy out for my frequent lack of service, but he couldn't find anything wrong. If this posts, it started working again.
Funny story: So the redhead guy did a race this past weekend and did really well. He won't shut up about it, but the local news interviewed him and everything. He says, "And I even had a couple wine coolers the night before."
Me, "So you were totally hungover when you ran?"
"Noooooo!"
When I told that to his clueless girlfriend she says that she kept asking him if he was alright, cause she was sure was he was hungover. From two wine coolers. *FACEPALM*
Everyone keeps saying "Well, he's reallllly skinny." It's still freaking funny.
The little fella in produce got married to the very tall deli chick, and ChipmunkFace got married to some guy from the dollar store a couple weeks ago, so anytime the Rehead is being annoying now, we just ask him when his wedding is. He's up next, haha.
Chipmunkface is funny. Kinda sad funny. She's super religious, so everyone was saying she's marrying this guy while in college just cause they can't wait to have sex. And she went around showing off her ring and telling everyone how she was going to quit soon and live in her husband's house oooooo (aka his bedbug ridden apartment) and not work and have lots of big fat-faced babies cause god hates fags and birth control. Cause the pizzaface fiance's part time dollar store salary was going to buy them both nice cars and set them up comfortably in her little 1950s fantasy.
The Hulk-like produce guy who hardly ever says anything, and is never mean to anyone, finally had enough of it, and started swanning around and imitating her with a falsetto, and it was the funniest thing in the world. Imagine man Hulk fanning his fingers out with an imaginary ring and adding, "Because we're getting married!" to every conversation.
I was actually concerned, being stupidly nice even though every employee thinks Chipmunkface is super annoying and needs to quit, I actually tried to say things like, "Do you know how much such and such costs? Don't you think you should do a little research first?" Because she is epically stupid and reality challenged and never done anything besides dress herself and that I'm not sure of.
Catbert made her a manager, even though she still struggles to scan items on the register after several years, and she is even stupider than the mentally challenged hires. She's super smug and arrogant about being a manager, even though she can't solve any simple problem. She's the person they wrote all the blonde jokes about. She has never gotten ONE simple joke anyone has ever made, ever. They always just confuse her. She's never done a single thing for herself ever, probably cause she'd burn down the house and hang herself trying to wash a spoon. She's the one that didn't believe pizza crust mix existed and that people could make pizza at hone, because "you get pizza from the delivery place".
I'm trying to think of better dumbness examples.
I was leaving for the day and waved to everyone, "I'm leaving kiddies. Seacrest, out."
She struggled for about 90 seconds. "But......isn't that the guy from that show they get....music from? *long pauses* Where they find people to make the music? You're not him. *head cock* Why would you say that?"
"I'm sorry, I mean I'm leaving."
"Why didn't you just say that?"
"I was trying to be funny." le sigh
She keeps going, haltingly, trying to puzzle out this great mystery.
"Ryan...Seacrest....is not funny."
"That's right." I grinned. And a whole crowd of people are dying trying not to laugh around us, and some employees are ducking down behind things out of sheer embarrassment.
"But you're not Ryan Seacrest. Cause you're not a guy, right? So you can't be him. Cause Ryan Seacrest is a guy."
"So we're told."
It was a lost cause and I gave up.
One time she locked the glass doors for the night, and then turned around not 40 seconds later and ran headfirst into them. HARD. "Why didn't this door open?!"
"Cause you just locked it." I said, much nicer than I wanted to be.
"But they always opened before when I walked toward them."
*EPICFACEPALM* "But when you turn the doors off and lock them, then they don't work. That's how we keep bad people out at night." Like, this is seriously what I had to say, and she was still completely confused and asking why over and over, all while hitting the door and waving at it with her hand.
And then Tallboy walks up and starts laughing himself sick, cause she did this the night before!
And people still will say to her, "Doors are locked, Chipmunkface! Don't run into the doors, Chipmunkface!" when we leave, and she whines that we're mean, but if you don't remind her within 14 seconds of reaching the door, she sometimes still walks headfirst into them. If you remind her over 14 seconds before reaching the door, she might forget by then and concuss herself.
And that girl will soon to be a college graduate folks.
Seacrest out.
There was one or two other tornadoes behind that one, but our area got off pretty easy. There was another tornado in my sister's town that also wasn't too bad, but there were some bad ones east of here. Though after Oklahoma, no one can whine. "Euhhhh, I lost my satellite tv." Yeah? You're still alive though.
I feel slightly better, but I can't get a breath and I keep getting dizzy and falling into things when that happens, and the basement is still flooded, but we are washing some clothes for tomorrow, precious. Now that it's our turn. An unusual amount of people are wading through muddy water to use the once again, not quite working correctly washer today. Though the slumlords figured out that it was also running for free, so that is the part they fixed. I mixed a bunch of darks and lights that don't matter if they get darkified, cause I can't do that many trips. Plus I need to shower and try try try to get eight hours of sleep for once. Hopefully the next batch of thunderstorms will miss us. I've had enough exciting weather, and wheezing in flooded basements under the one working lightbulb, with a bunch of drug addicts is awful. Hunter S Thompson could make that a novel, but it's not something you want to live.
GoodMom invited me over for spaghetti and chicken alfredo, but I had to turn her down. And not just I can't really eat those foods, though I do love me some chicken alfredo, even if it hurts us. I didn't want to make her sick, plus I needed to lean against something and wheeze for a couple hours after barely making it up the stairs. And through work all day. Can't take a sick day and be punished you know. Catbert hates people that take days off for any reason. Last year around this time 16 people quit within two months. This year he's trying to match that record by effing people over and forcing them out.
And my internet just went down again. I had a repair guy out for my frequent lack of service, but he couldn't find anything wrong. If this posts, it started working again.
Funny story: So the redhead guy did a race this past weekend and did really well. He won't shut up about it, but the local news interviewed him and everything. He says, "And I even had a couple wine coolers the night before."
Me, "So you were totally hungover when you ran?"
"Noooooo!"
When I told that to his clueless girlfriend she says that she kept asking him if he was alright, cause she was sure was he was hungover. From two wine coolers. *FACEPALM*
Everyone keeps saying "Well, he's reallllly skinny." It's still freaking funny.
The little fella in produce got married to the very tall deli chick, and ChipmunkFace got married to some guy from the dollar store a couple weeks ago, so anytime the Rehead is being annoying now, we just ask him when his wedding is. He's up next, haha.
Chipmunkface is funny. Kinda sad funny. She's super religious, so everyone was saying she's marrying this guy while in college just cause they can't wait to have sex. And she went around showing off her ring and telling everyone how she was going to quit soon and live in her husband's house oooooo (aka his bedbug ridden apartment) and not work and have lots of big fat-faced babies cause god hates fags and birth control. Cause the pizzaface fiance's part time dollar store salary was going to buy them both nice cars and set them up comfortably in her little 1950s fantasy.
The Hulk-like produce guy who hardly ever says anything, and is never mean to anyone, finally had enough of it, and started swanning around and imitating her with a falsetto, and it was the funniest thing in the world. Imagine man Hulk fanning his fingers out with an imaginary ring and adding, "Because we're getting married!" to every conversation.
I was actually concerned, being stupidly nice even though every employee thinks Chipmunkface is super annoying and needs to quit, I actually tried to say things like, "Do you know how much such and such costs? Don't you think you should do a little research first?" Because she is epically stupid and reality challenged and never done anything besides dress herself and that I'm not sure of.
Catbert made her a manager, even though she still struggles to scan items on the register after several years, and she is even stupider than the mentally challenged hires. She's super smug and arrogant about being a manager, even though she can't solve any simple problem. She's the person they wrote all the blonde jokes about. She has never gotten ONE simple joke anyone has ever made, ever. They always just confuse her. She's never done a single thing for herself ever, probably cause she'd burn down the house and hang herself trying to wash a spoon. She's the one that didn't believe pizza crust mix existed and that people could make pizza at hone, because "you get pizza from the delivery place".
I'm trying to think of better dumbness examples.
I was leaving for the day and waved to everyone, "I'm leaving kiddies. Seacrest, out."
She struggled for about 90 seconds. "But......isn't that the guy from that show they get....music from? *long pauses* Where they find people to make the music? You're not him. *head cock* Why would you say that?"
"I'm sorry, I mean I'm leaving."
"Why didn't you just say that?"
"I was trying to be funny." le sigh
She keeps going, haltingly, trying to puzzle out this great mystery.
"Ryan...Seacrest....is not funny."
"That's right." I grinned. And a whole crowd of people are dying trying not to laugh around us, and some employees are ducking down behind things out of sheer embarrassment.
"But you're not Ryan Seacrest. Cause you're not a guy, right? So you can't be him. Cause Ryan Seacrest is a guy."
"So we're told."
It was a lost cause and I gave up.
One time she locked the glass doors for the night, and then turned around not 40 seconds later and ran headfirst into them. HARD. "Why didn't this door open?!"
"Cause you just locked it." I said, much nicer than I wanted to be.
"But they always opened before when I walked toward them."
*EPICFACEPALM* "But when you turn the doors off and lock them, then they don't work. That's how we keep bad people out at night." Like, this is seriously what I had to say, and she was still completely confused and asking why over and over, all while hitting the door and waving at it with her hand.
And then Tallboy walks up and starts laughing himself sick, cause she did this the night before!
And people still will say to her, "Doors are locked, Chipmunkface! Don't run into the doors, Chipmunkface!" when we leave, and she whines that we're mean, but if you don't remind her within 14 seconds of reaching the door, she sometimes still walks headfirst into them. If you remind her over 14 seconds before reaching the door, she might forget by then and concuss herself.
And that girl will soon to be a college graduate folks.
Seacrest out.