Horse Humor
Ganked from http://horseprotectionsociety.org (It's a nice site, with cute pictures and some funny stories of their 'lifers' among the sad stuff, and they have some antique arabs that remind me of Rachel.)
MEANING BEHIND THE ADS
Event Prospect.............Big, Fast Horse
Dressage Prospect............Big, Slow Horse
Hack Prospect.............Pretty Color
Sporting Prospect............Short, Fast Horse
Camp Prospect..............Fast Horse that can turn
Endurance Prospect..........Fast Horse which will turn sometimes
Flashy.....................White Socks
Attractive................. Bay
15.2hh.................14.3hhh
16.2hh.................15.3hh
To Loving Home Only............Expensive
To Show Home Only.............Very Expensive
Needs Experienced Rider..............Potentially Lethal
Elegant.......................Thin
In Good Condition................Foundered
Free Moving.....................Bolts
Quiet......................Lame in Both Front Legs
Dead Quiet..............Lame in All Four Legs
Good in Traffic (Bombproof)...............Lame all 'Round, Deaf and Blind
Loves Children................Kicks and Bites
Pony Type.................Small and Hairy
Arab Type......................Looks startled
TB Type...................Looks Terrified
Quarter Horse Type.................Fat
Warmblood Type..................Big and Hairy
Draught Type........................Big and Exceedingly Hairy
Easy to Catch...................Very Old
Must Sell....................Wife has left home and taken kids
All Offers Considered...................I am in traction for 6 months
Reluctant Sale...................Comes with Title,... Deeds to Sydney Harbor Bridge
HORSE PERSON'S GLOSSARY
Auction: A popular social gathering, where you say you are only looking
Colic: Gastrointestinal result of eating at horse show food stands
Colt: What your mare gives you when you want a filly
Endurance ride: End result when your horse spooks and runs away with you
Feed: Expensive substance used to manufacture manure
Fence: Decorative structure built to provide your horse with something to chew on
Grooming: Fine art of removing dirt from your horse’s body and applying it to your body
Hock: Financial condition of all horse owners
Lounging: Popular training method in which a horse exercises his owner by spinning him in circles until dizzy
Pinto: Green coat pattern found on a freshly washed gray horse left unattended in the stall for 10 minutes
Rasp: Abrasive metal tool used to remove excess skin from knuckles
Stall: What your rig does at rush hour in an unfamiliar city on the way to the horse show.
Also, when you are feeling to full of yourself:
WHAT HORSES TEACH US
When you are tense, let me teach you to relax.
When you are short tempered, let me teach you to be patient.
When you are quick to react, let me teach you to be thoughtful.
When you are angry, let me teach you to be serene.
When you feel superior, let me teach you to be respectful.
When you are self absorbed, let me teach you to think of greater things.
When you are lonely, let me be your companion.
When you are tired, let me carry the load.
When you need to learn, let me teach you. After all, I am your horse.
And now the REAL story....
When you are tense, let me teach you that there are lions in them thar woods, and we need to leave NOW!
When you are short tempered, let me teach you to slog around the pasture for an hour before you can catch me.
When you are short sighted, let me teach you to figure out where, exactly, in the 40 acres I am hiding.
When you are quick to react, let me teach you that herbivores kick much faster (and harder) than omnivores.
When you are angry, let me teach you how well I can stand on my hind feet because I dont feel like cantering on my right lead today.
When you are worried, let me entertain you with my mystery lameness.
When you feel superior, let me teach you that, mostly, you are the maid service.
When you are self absorbed, let me teach yo to PAY ATTENTION. Remember? I told you about those lions in them thar woods?
When you are arrogant, let me teach you what 1200 lbs. of "YAHOO, LET'S GO!" can do when suitably inspired.
When you are lonely, let me be your companion. Let's do lunch. Also, breakfast and dinner.
When you are feeling financially secure, let me teach you the meaning of "Veterinary Services".
When you need to learn, hang around, bud. I'll learn ya.
This guy is a 32 year old Arabian that somehow reminds me of Rachel.... :P
What IS it with Arabs and tongues? LOL
This is what you call Old School. This guy is 45! He looks a lot like Rachel and Willow.
MEANING BEHIND THE ADS
Event Prospect.............Big, Fast Horse
Dressage Prospect............Big, Slow Horse
Hack Prospect.............Pretty Color
Sporting Prospect............Short, Fast Horse
Camp Prospect..............Fast Horse that can turn
Endurance Prospect..........Fast Horse which will turn sometimes
Flashy.....................White Socks
Attractive................. Bay
15.2hh.................14.3hhh
16.2hh.................15.3hh
To Loving Home Only............Expensive
To Show Home Only.............Very Expensive
Needs Experienced Rider..............Potentially Lethal
Elegant.......................Thin
In Good Condition................Foundered
Free Moving.....................Bolts
Quiet......................Lame in Both Front Legs
Dead Quiet..............Lame in All Four Legs
Good in Traffic (Bombproof)...............Lame all 'Round, Deaf and Blind
Loves Children................Kicks and Bites
Pony Type.................Small and Hairy
Arab Type......................Looks startled
TB Type...................Looks Terrified
Quarter Horse Type.................Fat
Warmblood Type..................Big and Hairy
Draught Type........................Big and Exceedingly Hairy
Easy to Catch...................Very Old
Must Sell....................Wife has left home and taken kids
All Offers Considered...................I am in traction for 6 months
Reluctant Sale...................Comes with Title,... Deeds to Sydney Harbor Bridge
HORSE PERSON'S GLOSSARY
Auction: A popular social gathering, where you say you are only looking
Colic: Gastrointestinal result of eating at horse show food stands
Colt: What your mare gives you when you want a filly
Endurance ride: End result when your horse spooks and runs away with you
Feed: Expensive substance used to manufacture manure
Fence: Decorative structure built to provide your horse with something to chew on
Grooming: Fine art of removing dirt from your horse’s body and applying it to your body
Hock: Financial condition of all horse owners
Lounging: Popular training method in which a horse exercises his owner by spinning him in circles until dizzy
Pinto: Green coat pattern found on a freshly washed gray horse left unattended in the stall for 10 minutes
Rasp: Abrasive metal tool used to remove excess skin from knuckles
Stall: What your rig does at rush hour in an unfamiliar city on the way to the horse show.
Also, when you are feeling to full of yourself:
WHAT HORSES TEACH US
When you are tense, let me teach you to relax.
When you are short tempered, let me teach you to be patient.
When you are quick to react, let me teach you to be thoughtful.
When you are angry, let me teach you to be serene.
When you feel superior, let me teach you to be respectful.
When you are self absorbed, let me teach you to think of greater things.
When you are lonely, let me be your companion.
When you are tired, let me carry the load.
When you need to learn, let me teach you. After all, I am your horse.
And now the REAL story....
When you are tense, let me teach you that there are lions in them thar woods, and we need to leave NOW!
When you are short tempered, let me teach you to slog around the pasture for an hour before you can catch me.
When you are short sighted, let me teach you to figure out where, exactly, in the 40 acres I am hiding.
When you are quick to react, let me teach you that herbivores kick much faster (and harder) than omnivores.
When you are angry, let me teach you how well I can stand on my hind feet because I dont feel like cantering on my right lead today.
When you are worried, let me entertain you with my mystery lameness.
When you feel superior, let me teach you that, mostly, you are the maid service.
When you are self absorbed, let me teach yo to PAY ATTENTION. Remember? I told you about those lions in them thar woods?
When you are arrogant, let me teach you what 1200 lbs. of "YAHOO, LET'S GO!" can do when suitably inspired.
When you are lonely, let me be your companion. Let's do lunch. Also, breakfast and dinner.
When you are feeling financially secure, let me teach you the meaning of "Veterinary Services".
When you need to learn, hang around, bud. I'll learn ya.
This guy is a 32 year old Arabian that somehow reminds me of Rachel.... :P
What IS it with Arabs and tongues? LOL
This is what you call Old School. This guy is 45! He looks a lot like Rachel and Willow.