Teenage angst sucks
It makes me sad to think that there are some people, even though there are times that you tell yourself that you know them, end up being the persons you really know nothing about.
I let loose that I was bisexual to my friends back at home in my country and I don't know what to think now. They seem disgusted by it, and one is not replying to my messages. I don't know if she doesn't have the time or whatever, but.... :sighs: It's just really sad.
Honestly, I can't think why some would shun others just for their sexual orientation. It really doesn't bother me, mainly because being a fan of yaoi has highly desensitized me to it all, as I think that who--or what--you want to fuck is entirely your business unless you're hurting somebody. So what if I like both boys and girls? It's nothing to be ashamed of. I like gay people--they're really cool because they know how it is to be mocked for what you like and still keep their feet on the ground and their chins held high (gay pride anyone?). Some people like to kill, torture, and bring pain to others, and what do they get? Freakin' medals, lots of money, recognition, the lot. I'm steadily losing my faith in humanity.
No, I'm not going to kill myself or anything. That's just plain dumb on top of being stupid. I happen to like what I am, and if people can't take it, well, fuck 'em.
I was planning to go back to the Philippines by next year to visit my niece, sister, and friends. But now, maybe I'll just plain visit my sister and niece only, and keep myself hidden away until I need to go back here. I don't know how they'll react when they see me, especially now that they know of my preferences. Will they be disgusted and refuse to see me, or...? The questions keep niggling in my head, and I think for the first time in a long while, I'm really anxious and scared. I know I shouldn't be, but they mean so much to me, and to know that they might keep me out of their lives hurts me deeply.
I'm sounding like a drama queen, but I can't help it. It's what I truly feel. Maybe I'm just being an idiot, and presuming something that isn't true yet my instincts have never failed me before. That's why I'm still alive in the first place.
I know that I should have kept my mouth shut about it. But I can't hide what I am. I happen to detest hypocrisy and if I keep it inside any longer, I'll start hating myself, and I don't want that. I guess I was thinking that if they were my friends, they should accept me for what I am. But I know that I have to give them time to adjust. I know that I just can't drop a bombshell like that and expect them to be happy about it or anything. I guess I better give them time to digest it first before I think of anything else, just to be fair to them.
I don't know, but I really feel as if I've lost the few people I truly care about. Dear good God, I hope it's just paranoia.
I let loose that I was bisexual to my friends back at home in my country and I don't know what to think now. They seem disgusted by it, and one is not replying to my messages. I don't know if she doesn't have the time or whatever, but.... :sighs: It's just really sad.
Honestly, I can't think why some would shun others just for their sexual orientation. It really doesn't bother me, mainly because being a fan of yaoi has highly desensitized me to it all, as I think that who--or what--you want to fuck is entirely your business unless you're hurting somebody. So what if I like both boys and girls? It's nothing to be ashamed of. I like gay people--they're really cool because they know how it is to be mocked for what you like and still keep their feet on the ground and their chins held high (gay pride anyone?). Some people like to kill, torture, and bring pain to others, and what do they get? Freakin' medals, lots of money, recognition, the lot. I'm steadily losing my faith in humanity.
No, I'm not going to kill myself or anything. That's just plain dumb on top of being stupid. I happen to like what I am, and if people can't take it, well, fuck 'em.
I was planning to go back to the Philippines by next year to visit my niece, sister, and friends. But now, maybe I'll just plain visit my sister and niece only, and keep myself hidden away until I need to go back here. I don't know how they'll react when they see me, especially now that they know of my preferences. Will they be disgusted and refuse to see me, or...? The questions keep niggling in my head, and I think for the first time in a long while, I'm really anxious and scared. I know I shouldn't be, but they mean so much to me, and to know that they might keep me out of their lives hurts me deeply.
I'm sounding like a drama queen, but I can't help it. It's what I truly feel. Maybe I'm just being an idiot, and presuming something that isn't true yet my instincts have never failed me before. That's why I'm still alive in the first place.
I know that I should have kept my mouth shut about it. But I can't hide what I am. I happen to detest hypocrisy and if I keep it inside any longer, I'll start hating myself, and I don't want that. I guess I was thinking that if they were my friends, they should accept me for what I am. But I know that I have to give them time to adjust. I know that I just can't drop a bombshell like that and expect them to be happy about it or anything. I guess I better give them time to digest it first before I think of anything else, just to be fair to them.
I don't know, but I really feel as if I've lost the few people I truly care about. Dear good God, I hope it's just paranoia.