Wednesday Blues
Sitting at work, my mind is blank which is probably attributed to the utter lack of sleep I received last night (totalled around 3 Hours).
I am feeling quite uneasy today, something is amiss but I just cannot grab ahold of it. I feel like there is something I am missing, something that I am not thinking through, analysing and breaking down. I assume the sleep deprivation is multiplying this feeling by at least 100% but regardless, the feeling is still there and swimming around in my subconscious and making my present reality quite unbearable.
Sometimes I wake up with feelings like this (but not as intense as today) like I am supposed to do something, or you could say destined to do something but as I awake from my unconscious, it's as if those understood twists and turns I should be making vanish and all that is left is this feeling of a void, knowing that I understood something in my unconscious state and then at as am awakened those understandings are lost and I am just left so completely useless.
Some days I curse this life I lead, and others I rejoice in it. I always attempt to make the simplist of things worth more than what they appear to be.
Some days I just wish I were ignorant of the world surrounding me, as they say in 1984 "Ignorance is Freedom" and I can completely agree with that, but then again I would rather know than not, because going through this life never knowing, never questioning anything would be rather dry and utterly boring and useless.
ANYWAY, I am ranting about meaningless fears and worries at the moment. Merely passing the seconds to an unknown deadline....
God I hate my boss, and his drunkenness. I wish I could slip him anti-depressants in his alcohol, but I fear that may kill him.
Blah
Nothing today has worked for me, broke my car door handle off this AM, the Boss voiced his frustrations about Employer Federal Tax Returns (which are more than a month late mind you...NOT my fault [thank god]) and just spews out with the vile stench of beer and other hard liquid that "oh I should just close the bookstore down, because obviously You (meaning me) cannot do my job correctly and handle this shit for me" (side note: the fucking alcoholic old fucker never told me to do ANYTHING with his goddamn money and its alllllll Miss Stephanie's fault that he has no goddamn money... ) and I am thinking to myself **he is a Millionaire he shouldn't give a fuck**
*BIG SIGH*
Some days,
I just want to run away and never fucking return.
and you have no idea how badly I wanted to clear out all bank accounts, and get my stressed-ass in my car and drive off to fucking oblivion.
God I hate Wednesdays
P.S. Need to find new/cheaper Apartment
P.P.S. Need to find a new job
P.P.P.S. NEED TO SELL MY CAR (94 Acura Integra)
**Stephanie**
I am feeling quite uneasy today, something is amiss but I just cannot grab ahold of it. I feel like there is something I am missing, something that I am not thinking through, analysing and breaking down. I assume the sleep deprivation is multiplying this feeling by at least 100% but regardless, the feeling is still there and swimming around in my subconscious and making my present reality quite unbearable.
Sometimes I wake up with feelings like this (but not as intense as today) like I am supposed to do something, or you could say destined to do something but as I awake from my unconscious, it's as if those understood twists and turns I should be making vanish and all that is left is this feeling of a void, knowing that I understood something in my unconscious state and then at as am awakened those understandings are lost and I am just left so completely useless.
Some days I curse this life I lead, and others I rejoice in it. I always attempt to make the simplist of things worth more than what they appear to be.
Some days I just wish I were ignorant of the world surrounding me, as they say in 1984 "Ignorance is Freedom" and I can completely agree with that, but then again I would rather know than not, because going through this life never knowing, never questioning anything would be rather dry and utterly boring and useless.
ANYWAY, I am ranting about meaningless fears and worries at the moment. Merely passing the seconds to an unknown deadline....
God I hate my boss, and his drunkenness. I wish I could slip him anti-depressants in his alcohol, but I fear that may kill him.
Blah
Nothing today has worked for me, broke my car door handle off this AM, the Boss voiced his frustrations about Employer Federal Tax Returns (which are more than a month late mind you...NOT my fault [thank god]) and just spews out with the vile stench of beer and other hard liquid that "oh I should just close the bookstore down, because obviously You (meaning me) cannot do my job correctly and handle this shit for me" (side note: the fucking alcoholic old fucker never told me to do ANYTHING with his goddamn money and its alllllll Miss Stephanie's fault that he has no goddamn money... ) and I am thinking to myself **he is a Millionaire he shouldn't give a fuck**
*BIG SIGH*
Some days,
I just want to run away and never fucking return.
and you have no idea how badly I wanted to clear out all bank accounts, and get my stressed-ass in my car and drive off to fucking oblivion.
God I hate Wednesdays
P.S. Need to find new/cheaper Apartment
P.P.S. Need to find a new job
P.P.P.S. NEED TO SELL MY CAR (94 Acura Integra)
**Stephanie**