(no subject)
I'm a fucking idiot. That's all there is to it. For anyone who cares to hear it. I've done some pretty stupid shit before in my life but right now this is the worst. The single dumbest move I have ever made.
Let's start from the beginning shall we? Because, I mean seriously, I never update this thing anyways so who the hell would be looking at it? Plus, the beginning is really the only decent place to begin. And when I mean beginning I mean of last night. Or maybe this week, because Merlin knows this week has been pretty shit-faced from the get go.
I'm certain Sev meant well, hell, he always means well, but the stupid git can be so damn stubborn and wouldn't even listen to reason! I mean yes he can listen. He proved that quite wonderfully during my miny melt down a few days ago. Honestly, I'm glad he knows and I would never regret him finding out even if it did fuel his reactions tonight.
I shouldn't have left dinner so abruptly. It's my fault. I take full blame. Bart if you read this than I apologize, because I'm sure you think it's your fault and really it isn't. People can't help who they love, look at me. I can't blame you, no matter how much you're attempts at wooing Sev hit me hard. He's just an ignorant ass.
He is just so damn annoying some times. I love him, and it hurts sometimes, because of his irrational behavior. I didn't want to leave him. I spent fifteen minutes standing at the front door wondering if walking away was for the best. And it has to have been. It just has to have been. We needed space, we need to start over again. Our relationship to this point has been so emotionally driven and it's been like living on a constantly moving rollar coaster. And now I finally feel ill. I don't want to break things off, I don't want to have come here in vain. I want to...no...I need to be able to start over with him.
But still, did he have to just dump all the damn potions down the drain? Literally, hell, he has to know what that does to people like me. I can't even seem to stay calm, and I don't want to feel this way and now the only resource I had is gone! I can't seem to be even telling this whole thing coherently. So I'm quite ready to give up. No one was for us in the first place, but us and I'm certain there's a fair amount of people cheering wildly now.