(no subject)
_GOD'S_REELECTION_CAMPAIGN_
by Ruben Bolling
"My 12 billion-year term is almost up--and I need *your support* for 12
billion more!!"
GOD for SUPREME DEITY
"Hey, His *name* is **God**!"
The campaign was not going well. God's previous inaccessibility made his
attempts at positive publicity seem disingenuous.
"...And I'm sure this new shopping mall will bring prosperity to the whole
tri-county area..."
"Hey, God! I prayed for a job eight months ago, and I'm still out of
work!"
Emboldened by the possibility of an outster, people began expressing their
dissatisfaction.
"Famine, disease, misery, disasters... I say throw the Bum out."
- Dirk Valle, Construction Worker
God's opponent, Norm Drucker, a successful entrepeneur, ran on a business
approach.
"I run a pretty darn good chain of car dealerships. I think I can run the
Universe *ever better*!"
Drucker's litany of proposals were real crowd pleasers.
NORM DRUCKER for SUPREME DEITY
Just a few more NEW IDEAS from Norm Drucker:
#134 a new beverage-holding appendage on all humans
#135 waffle trees
#136 no gravity one hour each day
#137 talking llamas
God tried to counter by revoking some of his less popular tenets, but the
polls wouldn't budge.
"Okay. You can use my name in vain. And I'm looking into the adultery
thing..."
In a final debate, God's divine wisdom was no match for Drucker's
sensational promises.
"He doesn't know anything about ruling the Cosmos! Evil is *necessary* in
order for Good to *exist*!"
"Evil! Gone! First 100 days!"
But in the end, God showed why an omnipotent incumbent is so tough to beat.
_New_York_Bugle_
GOD WINS IN "MIRACULOUS" UPSET
Drucker Suddenly Afflicted With Boils
by Ruben Bolling
"My 12 billion-year term is almost up--and I need *your support* for 12
billion more!!"
GOD for SUPREME DEITY
"Hey, His *name* is **God**!"
The campaign was not going well. God's previous inaccessibility made his
attempts at positive publicity seem disingenuous.
"...And I'm sure this new shopping mall will bring prosperity to the whole
tri-county area..."
"Hey, God! I prayed for a job eight months ago, and I'm still out of
work!"
Emboldened by the possibility of an outster, people began expressing their
dissatisfaction.
"Famine, disease, misery, disasters... I say throw the Bum out."
- Dirk Valle, Construction Worker
God's opponent, Norm Drucker, a successful entrepeneur, ran on a business
approach.
"I run a pretty darn good chain of car dealerships. I think I can run the
Universe *ever better*!"
Drucker's litany of proposals were real crowd pleasers.
NORM DRUCKER for SUPREME DEITY
Just a few more NEW IDEAS from Norm Drucker:
#134 a new beverage-holding appendage on all humans
#135 waffle trees
#136 no gravity one hour each day
#137 talking llamas
God tried to counter by revoking some of his less popular tenets, but the
polls wouldn't budge.
"Okay. You can use my name in vain. And I'm looking into the adultery
thing..."
In a final debate, God's divine wisdom was no match for Drucker's
sensational promises.
"He doesn't know anything about ruling the Cosmos! Evil is *necessary* in
order for Good to *exist*!"
"Evil! Gone! First 100 days!"
But in the end, God showed why an omnipotent incumbent is so tough to beat.
_New_York_Bugle_
GOD WINS IN "MIRACULOUS" UPSET
Drucker Suddenly Afflicted With Boils