And the award for Creepiest Blog Ever goes to...
Dear Girls Above Me whose premise is this:
Two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.
Let's ignore the fact that these two "girls" are actually fully grown women who have attended college (based on things the author claims they've said), and let's also ignore the fact that he blames being able to hear them have casual conversation on them and, oh I don't know, poor building design. The gist is two hot chicks women moved in above this poor fellow and have normal conversations that he, apparently, can't help but hear.
I've lived in apartments before, and I've had to deal with elephant tamers (well, that's what I imagined they were with all the stomping around), and I've dealt with crying children, dysfunctional family fights, and all the other joys of poor soundproofing. Most people either accept that some sounds are unavoidable or they go to their apartment neighbors and ask politely for them to keep it down. If that doesn't work, there's always speaking to the building owner or, in really severe cases, talking to the cops. Or, permitting he has the funds of course, he could move. But this man has decided to forget any of those options and instead went straight for his fifteen minutes of internet fame. Naturally, I being the humorless feminist I am, have failed to see what's so humorous about this and instead find it creepy and rather disturbing.
Let's take a look at June 10th's entry:
Dear Girls Above Me,
I’m not “building a boat” nor am I “that Dexter guy.” It’s called a woodpecker. However you could make the argument I stalk you.
Again, evidence of very poor building design and soundproofing. But more telling is the stalking joke because stalking is just hilarious. Ugh.
June 9th:
Dear Girls Above Me,
“At college I learned to make the guy go down on you first otherwise you wont get shit back.” Sounds like community college to me.
Hey, girls, your higher education must suck. Real college guys would never be assholes in the sack, and, if you would give me a chance to prove it, I could show you how awesome I am in bed have I mentioned you're stupid?
June 7th:
Dear Girls Above Me,
“Sometimes when we’re out I pretend I’m dumb cause guys think it’s cute.” Good thing I’m here to capture all your smart moments.
I'm going to ignore that sad commentary on the pressure on women to be smart but not too smart and instead point out how dumb you really are! I mean, sure I could go and tell you that I can hear you, or I could turn up my television or my music, but it's more fun to sit and pretend you're the only dumb ones in this scenario.
May 18th:
Dear Girls Above Me,
“I still dont understand therapy, do I tell her EVERYONE I have sex with?” No, just the unprotected ones…yes everyone
Oh, you're such a slut. Bet you never heard that one before! Burn. By the way, if you do want to have unprotected sex, I'm right downstairs.
And it goes on like that. Again, I understand the burden of noisy neighbors, but there's just something inherently bothersome about a white dude listening in and even documenting on the happenings in the lives of the two women who live above him. It's damned creepy.
And just to drive the point home, here's an entry from January 12:
Dear Girls Above Me,
Running into u in the laundry room was better than a celebrity sighting. Thanks for the fabric softener.
Yeah, totally not similar to stalking at all. Excuse me, I need to take a shower.
I have now secured my position as a Humorless Feminist(TM). Time for me to go burn some bras. I've got a ways to go if I'm going to make my quota this month!
Two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.
Let's ignore the fact that these two "girls" are actually fully grown women who have attended college (based on things the author claims they've said), and let's also ignore the fact that he blames being able to hear them have casual conversation on them and, oh I don't know, poor building design. The gist is two hot chicks women moved in above this poor fellow and have normal conversations that he, apparently, can't help but hear.
I've lived in apartments before, and I've had to deal with elephant tamers (well, that's what I imagined they were with all the stomping around), and I've dealt with crying children, dysfunctional family fights, and all the other joys of poor soundproofing. Most people either accept that some sounds are unavoidable or they go to their apartment neighbors and ask politely for them to keep it down. If that doesn't work, there's always speaking to the building owner or, in really severe cases, talking to the cops. Or, permitting he has the funds of course, he could move. But this man has decided to forget any of those options and instead went straight for his fifteen minutes of internet fame. Naturally, I being the humorless feminist I am, have failed to see what's so humorous about this and instead find it creepy and rather disturbing.
Let's take a look at June 10th's entry:
Dear Girls Above Me,
I’m not “building a boat” nor am I “that Dexter guy.” It’s called a woodpecker. However you could make the argument I stalk you.
Again, evidence of very poor building design and soundproofing. But more telling is the stalking joke because stalking is just hilarious. Ugh.
June 9th:
Dear Girls Above Me,
“At college I learned to make the guy go down on you first otherwise you wont get shit back.” Sounds like community college to me.
Hey, girls, your higher education must suck. Real college guys would never be assholes in the sack, and, if you would give me a chance to prove it, I could show you how awesome I am in bed have I mentioned you're stupid?
June 7th:
Dear Girls Above Me,
“Sometimes when we’re out I pretend I’m dumb cause guys think it’s cute.” Good thing I’m here to capture all your smart moments.
I'm going to ignore that sad commentary on the pressure on women to be smart but not too smart and instead point out how dumb you really are! I mean, sure I could go and tell you that I can hear you, or I could turn up my television or my music, but it's more fun to sit and pretend you're the only dumb ones in this scenario.
May 18th:
Dear Girls Above Me,
“I still dont understand therapy, do I tell her EVERYONE I have sex with?” No, just the unprotected ones…yes everyone
Oh, you're such a slut. Bet you never heard that one before! Burn. By the way, if you do want to have unprotected sex, I'm right downstairs.
And it goes on like that. Again, I understand the burden of noisy neighbors, but there's just something inherently bothersome about a white dude listening in and even documenting on the happenings in the lives of the two women who live above him. It's damned creepy.
And just to drive the point home, here's an entry from January 12:
Dear Girls Above Me,
Running into u in the laundry room was better than a celebrity sighting. Thanks for the fabric softener.
Yeah, totally not similar to stalking at all. Excuse me, I need to take a shower.
I have now secured my position as a Humorless Feminist(TM). Time for me to go burn some bras. I've got a ways to go if I'm going to make my quota this month!