State of the union:
Its been a long while since I've had the ambition to write anything. I don't know if I closed myself off from the world again or if I simply didn't have much to say. Here comes a state of the union address though, be prepared!
P.S. I am locking this post from comment... anything you want to say can be emailed to me at neilsong@mts.net or jadedheart79@hotmail.com
The Trailer:
So far so good, still many minor things to work out (crooked doors, a shed to assemble, some shifting) but otherwise well. Mattio moved in with us, which was more then welcome... another body around to converse with (even if he is stubborn :P) is awesome!
The Boss (Alias, my cat) seems to have adjusted well to the new place also. Shes as happy as she usually is (which is little... and whatever Mattio and C say is a lie!).
The Job:
Had a weeks vacation, which was long overdue. Otherwise things are going fairly well. Need a couple bodies that are able to do menial hard labour, part time shift work... PST if interested :P
The Family:
We lost another part of the family this weekend, Grandma Victoria Mondor passed on last Saturday after a long battle with lung cancer and heart issues.
For the last couple of months she had been in paliative care... I'd went to see her a couple times, but it was so crushing... to see her in a state that was so foreign to me.
For the last week Gran had been so weak that she couldn't even drink from a straw anymore. Her oxygen levels at the hospital had went from 1 (low) to 3(high) to 7 (off the charts). The state she was in wasn't living... it was surviving... the family had discussed taking her off her Oxygen to just let her go peacefully into the night...
Friday we asked the Dr. if she could have one last drink, they checked her charts and told us that one beer would be acceptable. When asked if she wanted a drink it was like someone had hooked a car battery to her... all the pain seemed to vanish, she was able to move, speak and was generally mobile and extremely coherant. It was like all the thoughts of her passing were suddenly gone... she got to have two small glasses of beer and clamato (sp) juice. We all had hopes that somehow she was feeling better...
Saturday, my Brother and Sister in law came in to help mom and dad with some house work. They all decided to go up and see Gran, I wasn't called as everyone remembered how well she was doing from Friday... it was like night and day apparently. She was back to near incoherance, unresponsive, tired and weak...
My nephew was down in the activity room at the hospital, my mom and my sister in law went down to chack on him after being with Gran for about an hour... when they got back upstairs mom took her mothers hand in hers and sat with her, the mood was somber at best... Gran had not been awake at all that day, it was like observing a shell of the woman she was.
And then my mother said "Bob (my father), you better get a nurse, I don't think she is breathing..." and then she was gone... peacefully, in her sleep, with her family by her side, her daughters hand in hers... everyone was there... except me.
I feel... horrible, guilty, shamed... everyone was there but me.
Mom assures me that they didn't call me to go visit because we had all thought she was ok...
Apparently it all happened so quickly that there wasn't time to call me down to be with her either.
I feel like I let the family down, despite them telling me that I didn't. I feel horrible.
My last moment with my Grandmother will be as an urn bearer... a Grandson carrying her last remains to her eternal rest for the family...
... the Grandson that wasn't there at the end.
P.S. I am locking this post from comment... anything you want to say can be emailed to me at neilsong@mts.net or jadedheart79@hotmail.com
The Trailer:
So far so good, still many minor things to work out (crooked doors, a shed to assemble, some shifting) but otherwise well. Mattio moved in with us, which was more then welcome... another body around to converse with (even if he is stubborn :P) is awesome!
The Boss (Alias, my cat) seems to have adjusted well to the new place also. Shes as happy as she usually is (which is little... and whatever Mattio and C say is a lie!).
The Job:
Had a weeks vacation, which was long overdue. Otherwise things are going fairly well. Need a couple bodies that are able to do menial hard labour, part time shift work... PST if interested :P
The Family:
We lost another part of the family this weekend, Grandma Victoria Mondor passed on last Saturday after a long battle with lung cancer and heart issues.
For the last couple of months she had been in paliative care... I'd went to see her a couple times, but it was so crushing... to see her in a state that was so foreign to me.
For the last week Gran had been so weak that she couldn't even drink from a straw anymore. Her oxygen levels at the hospital had went from 1 (low) to 3(high) to 7 (off the charts). The state she was in wasn't living... it was surviving... the family had discussed taking her off her Oxygen to just let her go peacefully into the night...
Friday we asked the Dr. if she could have one last drink, they checked her charts and told us that one beer would be acceptable. When asked if she wanted a drink it was like someone had hooked a car battery to her... all the pain seemed to vanish, she was able to move, speak and was generally mobile and extremely coherant. It was like all the thoughts of her passing were suddenly gone... she got to have two small glasses of beer and clamato (sp) juice. We all had hopes that somehow she was feeling better...
Saturday, my Brother and Sister in law came in to help mom and dad with some house work. They all decided to go up and see Gran, I wasn't called as everyone remembered how well she was doing from Friday... it was like night and day apparently. She was back to near incoherance, unresponsive, tired and weak...
My nephew was down in the activity room at the hospital, my mom and my sister in law went down to chack on him after being with Gran for about an hour... when they got back upstairs mom took her mothers hand in hers and sat with her, the mood was somber at best... Gran had not been awake at all that day, it was like observing a shell of the woman she was.
And then my mother said "Bob (my father), you better get a nurse, I don't think she is breathing..." and then she was gone... peacefully, in her sleep, with her family by her side, her daughters hand in hers... everyone was there... except me.
I feel... horrible, guilty, shamed... everyone was there but me.
Mom assures me that they didn't call me to go visit because we had all thought she was ok...
Apparently it all happened so quickly that there wasn't time to call me down to be with her either.
I feel like I let the family down, despite them telling me that I didn't. I feel horrible.
My last moment with my Grandmother will be as an urn bearer... a Grandson carrying her last remains to her eternal rest for the family...
... the Grandson that wasn't there at the end.