The Boy At The Rock Show
Title: The Boy At the Rock Show
Bandom: Blink 182
Pairing: Tom/Mark
Rating: PG
Summary: After the show, Mark searches for Tom. Sequel to I’m Not Afraid to Say I Still Miss You.
Randomness: Never drink three energy drinks, eat a brownie, and then go on stage. You’ll throw up. Mark did… But you won’t be able to make it cool like Mark.
Wordcount: 1,232
Somehow, Mark managed to finish the set. He honestly had no idea how that happened. All he wanted to do was jump down from the stage, over the damn barricade, and chase after Tom.
He couldn’t believe it when he stepped out and there had been Tom, standing two rows in front of him looking nervous and out of place but still so amazingly beautiful, just like the last time Mark had seen him so very, very long ago.
It really had been forever. Mark had never gotten over Tom leaving, not like everyone thought he had. The only one that really knew -and understood -Mark’s true feelings towards Tom was Travis, their best friend. The only one that had ever known the truth, had ever really known them.
Mark walked off stage in a daze. He barely registered it when Pete bounced up to him, clapped him on the shoulder and started yammering on about something that quite honestly Mark paid no attention to. All he could think of was Tom.
“Pete, come on. Gotta make sure everything’s ready.” Patrick said, coming up behind Pete and dragging him away. Mark knew there was a reason he liked Patrick. From the corner of his eye, Mark could see Pete pulling out his sidekick.
“Oh my God, Ryan, dude -”
Mark stopped listening, sure Pete was going to explain exactly what’d happened to his Blink-obsessed friend. Except there was no way Pete understood exactly what had happened. It was much more personal than anyone realized. And for some reason it angered him that there were people who were sure that they knew what had happened. That people were going to analyze it and dissect and damnit they didn’t understand.
Trying to shove away the dark anger that’d whelmed up in him before he drowned in it, Mark headed towards the back exit. Fresh air. Fresh air was good for clearing heads. Isn’t that what everybody always said? In the darkness of the night, Mark leaned against the rough brick wall, looking up at the city-lit sky.
“Mark, are you alright?”
Mark glanced over at Travis and shrugged. Travis sighed and stood next to him, mirroring his position against the wall.
“I don’t know what to do…” Mark whispered.
“You know what you want to do.” Travis knew Mark enough for it to not be a question.
“I want to go after him. I want to find him and grab on to him and never let him go again. Never let him walk away again. Run after him like I should have two years ago.”
“Then do it, Marky.”
Mark blinked. Travis hadn’t called him Marky in years. Not since Blink had first started.
“Marky?”
“Yeah… I miss when it was Marky and Tom and Trav, just three kids hanging out and acting stupid. Just fucking around.”
Mark nodded, suddenly understanding. “Me, too, Trav.”
Travis smiled slightly and nudged Mark with his shoulder. “Go find Tom. He misses you, too.”
Mark nodded. “Okay… But…”
“Dude, its Tom. You’ll be able to find him. No matter how much you two have changed in two years, you still know him best.”
Mark smiled and set off towards the park he could remember passing on the way to the venue. Tom had always liked parks.
“Don’t come back without him!” Travis called after him and Mark just laughed. He had no plans to.
Mark was almost surprised by how easy it was for him to find Tom. He watched him for a minute, smiling softly. Tom was sitting at a swing, barely rocking at all, staring at the beer bottle in his hand, barely illuminated by a streetlight. As he neared, Mark could see the way the breeze teased Tom’s hair.
“Hey, Tommy.”
Tom jumped, toppling backwards off the swing. He looked up at Mark, his mouth agape in surprise and Mark couldn’t help but laugh.
“Still a dork, I see.”
Tom laughed, holding out his hand and Mark took it, helping Tom right himself on the swing. Mark sat down on the swing next to him and peered down at his shoes.
“I meant it, Marky.” Tom whispered. “I do miss you.”
Mark closed his eyes. “I always miss you.”
“We can’t do this.”
“I know.”
“I wasn’t talking about just Blink. I meant us. We can’t do it again.”
Mark’s eyes flew open. “Why not, Tom? Why did you leave?”
“I... I freaked out. I was so happy, so fucking happy. I looked over at you and… I don’t even know. I just freaked out. What if I wasn’t what you really wanted? What if you didn’t really love me? I was so fucking happy and I realized it could all be ripped away from me, that you could hurt me. And… And I started having nightmares. About you leaving me, hurting me. I got it in my head that if I left first, you couldn’t hurt me. I convinced myself it wouldn’t hurt you because you were going to leave me anyway. There was no way I was good enough for you.”
“Not good enough for me? Tom, you’re good enough for anything. You tore me apart. There was nothing left of me, at all. Travis picked up what pieces he could, fixed me as best he could. But he was just my best friend. He wasn’t you. I was still broken. I’m still broken. I was angry and hurting so bad but still so in love with you. So I started writing. And Travis read my lyrics and wrote music to it. And then, before we knew it, we had (+44). And it wasn’t Blink. It wasn’t me and you and Travis, three fucktards just screwing around having fun. It wasn’t me and my best friends. But it worked. And it evolved. I can’t leave them. And you have Angels. You can’t leave that behind.”
“You… You still love me? Even though I… Even though I left you?”
Mark gave a shaky laugh. “I’m always gonna love you, Tom.”
“Promise?”
“Yah… Fell for you a long time ago. Its not gonna change.”
“I love you, too, Marky. Even when I try not to.”
Mark reached across and took Tom’s hand. Even something so small felt unbelievable.
“Hey, Marky?”
“Yah?”
“When’d we get so sappy?”
Mark laughed. “I don’t fucking know.”
Tom giggled, standing up and tugging Mark to his feet. “Come on. Travis is waitin’, isn’t he?”
Mark nodded, chuckling. “He was always way too concerned with our sex life.”
“Eh, it happens. Besides, not like we didn’t here all about his.”
“Yah, but we didn’t ask.”
“Good point.”
They walked in silence most of the way back towards the (+44) bus and Travis. Tom stopped when it came into view.
“Mark?”
Mark turned to face him. “What?”
“Maybe we can do us again… If you want.”
“I thought we already established that?”
“When?” Tom asked, looking thoroughly confused.
“Never mind. Yah, I want.”
“Good… Maybe Angels and (+44) can do a tour together.”
Mark smirked. “I like that idea.”
“Thought you might.”
Bandom: Blink 182
Pairing: Tom/Mark
Rating: PG
Summary: After the show, Mark searches for Tom. Sequel to I’m Not Afraid to Say I Still Miss You.
Randomness: Never drink three energy drinks, eat a brownie, and then go on stage. You’ll throw up. Mark did… But you won’t be able to make it cool like Mark.
Wordcount: 1,232
Somehow, Mark managed to finish the set. He honestly had no idea how that happened. All he wanted to do was jump down from the stage, over the damn barricade, and chase after Tom.
He couldn’t believe it when he stepped out and there had been Tom, standing two rows in front of him looking nervous and out of place but still so amazingly beautiful, just like the last time Mark had seen him so very, very long ago.
It really had been forever. Mark had never gotten over Tom leaving, not like everyone thought he had. The only one that really knew -and understood -Mark’s true feelings towards Tom was Travis, their best friend. The only one that had ever known the truth, had ever really known them.
Mark walked off stage in a daze. He barely registered it when Pete bounced up to him, clapped him on the shoulder and started yammering on about something that quite honestly Mark paid no attention to. All he could think of was Tom.
“Pete, come on. Gotta make sure everything’s ready.” Patrick said, coming up behind Pete and dragging him away. Mark knew there was a reason he liked Patrick. From the corner of his eye, Mark could see Pete pulling out his sidekick.
“Oh my God, Ryan, dude -”
Mark stopped listening, sure Pete was going to explain exactly what’d happened to his Blink-obsessed friend. Except there was no way Pete understood exactly what had happened. It was much more personal than anyone realized. And for some reason it angered him that there were people who were sure that they knew what had happened. That people were going to analyze it and dissect and damnit they didn’t understand.
Trying to shove away the dark anger that’d whelmed up in him before he drowned in it, Mark headed towards the back exit. Fresh air. Fresh air was good for clearing heads. Isn’t that what everybody always said? In the darkness of the night, Mark leaned against the rough brick wall, looking up at the city-lit sky.
“Mark, are you alright?”
Mark glanced over at Travis and shrugged. Travis sighed and stood next to him, mirroring his position against the wall.
“I don’t know what to do…” Mark whispered.
“You know what you want to do.” Travis knew Mark enough for it to not be a question.
“I want to go after him. I want to find him and grab on to him and never let him go again. Never let him walk away again. Run after him like I should have two years ago.”
“Then do it, Marky.”
Mark blinked. Travis hadn’t called him Marky in years. Not since Blink had first started.
“Marky?”
“Yeah… I miss when it was Marky and Tom and Trav, just three kids hanging out and acting stupid. Just fucking around.”
Mark nodded, suddenly understanding. “Me, too, Trav.”
Travis smiled slightly and nudged Mark with his shoulder. “Go find Tom. He misses you, too.”
Mark nodded. “Okay… But…”
“Dude, its Tom. You’ll be able to find him. No matter how much you two have changed in two years, you still know him best.”
Mark smiled and set off towards the park he could remember passing on the way to the venue. Tom had always liked parks.
“Don’t come back without him!” Travis called after him and Mark just laughed. He had no plans to.
Mark was almost surprised by how easy it was for him to find Tom. He watched him for a minute, smiling softly. Tom was sitting at a swing, barely rocking at all, staring at the beer bottle in his hand, barely illuminated by a streetlight. As he neared, Mark could see the way the breeze teased Tom’s hair.
“Hey, Tommy.”
Tom jumped, toppling backwards off the swing. He looked up at Mark, his mouth agape in surprise and Mark couldn’t help but laugh.
“Still a dork, I see.”
Tom laughed, holding out his hand and Mark took it, helping Tom right himself on the swing. Mark sat down on the swing next to him and peered down at his shoes.
“I meant it, Marky.” Tom whispered. “I do miss you.”
Mark closed his eyes. “I always miss you.”
“We can’t do this.”
“I know.”
“I wasn’t talking about just Blink. I meant us. We can’t do it again.”
Mark’s eyes flew open. “Why not, Tom? Why did you leave?”
“I... I freaked out. I was so happy, so fucking happy. I looked over at you and… I don’t even know. I just freaked out. What if I wasn’t what you really wanted? What if you didn’t really love me? I was so fucking happy and I realized it could all be ripped away from me, that you could hurt me. And… And I started having nightmares. About you leaving me, hurting me. I got it in my head that if I left first, you couldn’t hurt me. I convinced myself it wouldn’t hurt you because you were going to leave me anyway. There was no way I was good enough for you.”
“Not good enough for me? Tom, you’re good enough for anything. You tore me apart. There was nothing left of me, at all. Travis picked up what pieces he could, fixed me as best he could. But he was just my best friend. He wasn’t you. I was still broken. I’m still broken. I was angry and hurting so bad but still so in love with you. So I started writing. And Travis read my lyrics and wrote music to it. And then, before we knew it, we had (+44). And it wasn’t Blink. It wasn’t me and you and Travis, three fucktards just screwing around having fun. It wasn’t me and my best friends. But it worked. And it evolved. I can’t leave them. And you have Angels. You can’t leave that behind.”
“You… You still love me? Even though I… Even though I left you?”
Mark gave a shaky laugh. “I’m always gonna love you, Tom.”
“Promise?”
“Yah… Fell for you a long time ago. Its not gonna change.”
“I love you, too, Marky. Even when I try not to.”
Mark reached across and took Tom’s hand. Even something so small felt unbelievable.
“Hey, Marky?”
“Yah?”
“When’d we get so sappy?”
Mark laughed. “I don’t fucking know.”
Tom giggled, standing up and tugging Mark to his feet. “Come on. Travis is waitin’, isn’t he?”
Mark nodded, chuckling. “He was always way too concerned with our sex life.”
“Eh, it happens. Besides, not like we didn’t here all about his.”
“Yah, but we didn’t ask.”
“Good point.”
They walked in silence most of the way back towards the (+44) bus and Travis. Tom stopped when it came into view.
“Mark?”
Mark turned to face him. “What?”
“Maybe we can do us again… If you want.”
“I thought we already established that?”
“When?” Tom asked, looking thoroughly confused.
“Never mind. Yah, I want.”
“Good… Maybe Angels and (+44) can do a tour together.”
Mark smirked. “I like that idea.”
“Thought you might.”