I Love You (But I Love Him, Too) [Part One]
Title: I Love You (But I Love Him, Too)
Bandom: Panic! at the Disco/Fall Out Boy crossover
Pairings: Brendon/Ryan, Ryan/Pete, Brendon/Ryan/Pete, NO Brendon/Pete
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Ryan loves his boyfriend, really he does... But Brendon makes him realize that it's possible to love more than one person at a time.
A/N: This was written a long time ago when Nightmare Before Christmas was first hitting the theaters again in 3D.
Word Count: 3,820 (this part)
For what seemed like the millionth time in the past fifteen minutes, Ryan glanced over at his phone. He sighed, sank further into the comfy deep purple armchair he was sitting in, and pretended to be interested in whatever it was Spencer was watching (he honestly had no idea what it was… something about animals, he’d gathered).
“If you want to call him, just do it.”
Ryan looked over at Spencer, eyebrows raised. “I have no idea what you mean.”
“Yes, you do. At first it was cute. Now, it’s just sickening. Just call him.”
Ryan sighed. “I can’t. He’s on stage. He promised to call when he got off.”
“So relax then.”
“I can’t.” Ryan whined. “I miss him.”
Spencer rolled his eyes and returned to watching his show. Ryan looked back at the screen. “Oh, ew.”
“Its life, Ry… And it’s all that’s on.”
Ryan grimaced. The birthing process of a rhino. Gross. “You scare me sometimes, Spen… Seriously, you terrify me.”
Spencer just laughed. “Haley says the same thing.”
“Well, I always said she was the smart one.”
Spencer stuck his tongue out at Ryan. Ryan just smirked. The phone rang and Ryan dove at it, forgetting completely about Spencer.
“Hello?” he asked, trying to sound casual but not succeeding in the least.
“Hey, Ryan, dude listen can you come get me?” Brendon asked on the other line. Ryan sighed.
“Yeah, Bren… Where are you?”
“Um… At the theater.” Brendon answered.
“Yeah, that’s right… How was Nightmare?”
“Awesome… Ryan, could you hurry please?”
Ryan blinked at the desperation and fear in Brendon’s voice. “Bren… Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
“Ry, just please, hurry.”
Ryan nodded, though he knew Brendon couldn’t see him. “Of course… I’ll be right there.” Ryan hung up and reached for boots, pulling them on and buckling them up the side. He pulled his pants down over the tops of them and stood up. “Spen, I’m going to get Brendon.”
“You might miss Pete’s call.” Spencer teased.
Ryan shrugged. “Something’s wrong with Bren… Pete’ll understand.” He was already halfway towards the door. He snagged a hoodie from the closet and pulled it on before leaving the house that they all shared.
Ryan got in his car and started the engine. Jon had dropped Brendon off at the theater on his way to look at new basses and strings. The plan was for him to pick Brendon up on his way back through, considering Brendon loved Nightmare Before Christmas and could easily spend an afternoon watching it over and over again without it being on a big screen. Something was definitely wrong if he wanted to come home early.
Ryan pulled up to the theater, but didn’t see Brendon anywhere. He got out of his car and headed inside.
“Oh my God, it’s Ryan Ross!” a very high-pitched voice squealed, nearly rupturing Ryan’s eardrum. He now knew why Brendon was so afraid earlier. Six teenage girls were rushing towards him. He took a brief glance around before ducking into the men’s restroom.
Unsure whether that’d honestly stop the girls, he stepped into a stall and locked the door. He sat down and pulled his feet up, in case they were to check under the door.
“Who’s there?”
“Bren?” Ryan asked, looking to his right in the direction the voice had come from.
“Ryan? Thank God you’re here! Are they gone?”
“Bren… I’m locked in a bathroom stall… What do you think?”
Brendon’s only reply was a groan.
“Now, not only are you stuck here, but so am I… What happened?”
“I don’t know! Everything was fine. I’d watched Nightmare twice, and God, Ry, its unbelievable to see it on the big screen again!”
Ryan had to giggle. Brendon was like such a little kid sometimes.
“Anyway, I was hungry, so I went to get to some popcorn. The first girl who saw me was really nice and not at all stalkerish. She just asked for an autograph and a hug and then she went and sat down. The other ones, they were… scary. They screamed and, like, ambushed me… I barely got a way by hiding in here. I called you. I didn’t think you’d be stupid enough to come looking for me. I figured you’d use your cell to call me.”
“I didn’t even grab my cell… Which I probably should of. Pete’s supposed to be calling soon…”
“Sorry, Ry.”
“It’s okay… Which stall are you in?”
“Third down. Why?”
“I’m coming over.”
Ryan sank to his knees and crawled under the first stall divider then the next. He looked up to find Brendon perched on top of the tank of the toilet, his feet on the seat. Brendon gave him a cocky smile.
“I always knew I’d get you on your knees one day.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Bren.”
Brendon laughed. Ryan turned so that he was sitting with his back against the wall and his legs crossed.
“So, what now?”
Brendon shrugged. “I guess we try and wait them out.”
Ryan groaned.
Two hours later
“I’m going on a trip and I’m taking an amp, a bass, a Care Bear -God, Brendon, you’re so gay - a drum, an egg -I don’t even like eggs -the Family Guy series, a guitar, a hyena, an ice cream cone, Jon, a koala, a lollipop, a microphone, a necromancer, an opal, Pete, a rainbow -I’m still not sure that’s possible, Bren - Spencer, a television, and uranium.” Ryan rattled off.
“Uranium?” Brendon repeated.
“Uranium.”
“Okay… I’m going on a trip and I’m taking an amp, a bass, a Care Bear, a drum, and egg, the Family Guy series, a guitar, a hyena, an ice cream cone, Jon, a koala, a lollipop, a microphone, a… Um… A… A… Um… Shit… A… Oh, fuck it, it’s a stupid game anyway.”
“It was your idea.”
“Well, I don’t want to play anymore.” Brendon pouted.
Ryan sighed. Brendon had moved to sit next to him when they’d started their game. He was getting tired, it had to be ten or so by now, so he rested his head on Brendon’s shoulder.
“Do you think they’re gone yet?” he mumbled, slurring his voice slightly and muffling it in Brendon’s shirt.
“I don’t know.”
Ryan looked up at Brendon, only to find Brendon gazing down at him.
Ryan was always uncomfortable with people looking at him. He figured they saw what he did when he looked in the mirror. A short, scrawny pale guy who looked way to girlish than he ought to. He liked his hair, the dark color and the ‘emo’ style. His makeup was immaculately done, like always. Pale purple shadow slowly darkened to navy blue. Black eyeliner encircled his eyes and a tear line went down his left cheek before it swirled in a heart. A line of six small, black hearts, each on a little bigger than the one before it, began at the corner of his right eye and swirled up above his eyebrow. Since they were no longer on tour, he was experimenting.
“What?” Ryan asked, unsure why he was nearly whispering or why flutters had begun in his stomach. Brendon’s eyes didn’t leave Ryan’s as Brendon shifted. Brendon leaned closer before he almost hesitantly pressed his lips to Ryan’s. Though shocked at first, Ryan didn’t think before his eyes drifted shut and he was kissing Brendon back.
Brendon rose a hand to cup Ryan’s jaw and Ryan’s hands fell to rest at Brendon’s hips. He pulled Brendon closer and parted his lips when Brendon swiped his tongue across them. Ryan whimpered into Brendon’s mouth.
An image of Pete filtered through the haze of Ryan’s mind. He ripped away from Brendon.
“Oh, God… Oh, God… Oh, God…” he muttered over and over again, beginning to panic.
“Ryan…” Brendon reached a hand out towards him.
“NO! No… What the FUCK did we just do?”
“We just kissed.”
“NO! No. No… I have Pete. I LOVE Pete!” Ryan shouted. He began to cry, his tears smearing his carefully applied make up.
“Ryan… Ry, calm down!” Brendon exclaimed. He tried pulling Ryan close, ignoring the way Ryan fought to get away. Ryan’s struggles slowly weakened until he stopped fighting and buried his face in Brendon’s neck and cried. Brendon muttered soothing things into Ryan’s ear and stroked his hair gently.
After a while, Ryan stopped crying. He pulled away and wiped at his eyes. His makeup was a mess, smeared across his cheeks in a blur of color. He sniffed and looked at his hands, which were also smeared with color.
“I-I’m gonna go wash up.” He whispered as he stood up. He unlocked the stall door and walked to the sink, grimacing at his reflection. He turned the water on and snagged a paper towel, using it to wash his face. He threw it away once finished and washed his hands as well.
“Ryan…” Brendon began. He was standing behind the guitarist, a concerned look on his face.
“C-Can we just forget it ever happened? Please?” Ryan asked. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see the hurt expression upon Brendon’s reflection in the mirror.
“Yeah, Ryan… Whatever you want.”
Ryan nodded and strode towards the door. He’d rather take on the world than be alone with Brendon right now. Luckily, the girls had apparently given up, and with Brendon following close behind, he escaped to his car.
In the car, Ryan blared his radio so that he didn’t have to talk and speed the entire way, eager to get home. He pulled into the drive way, put his car in park and cut the engine, and disappeared inside. He didn’t pause before going to his room.
“Hey, Ryan, Pete wants you to call him back.” Spencer said as Ryan passed. Ryan winced but said nothing as he closed his bedroom door behind him.
Ryan’s room was a collection of his life. If one were to take inventory of his room, one would learn just about everything there was to know about him. His walls were painted dark, royal purple (with a coat of that magnetic paint underneath) and almost completely covered with posters of bands, movies, and celebrities he liked. Clothes were scattered across his floor, clean and dirty alike. Hats were hung on random hooks. He had a few shelves that were covered with souvenirs from family vacations and places he’d toured to, gifts from fans, presents he’d received as a child, and little things that’d meant something to him. There were pictures galore scattered everywhere. Pictures of Pete (Pete alone, Pete with Ryan, Pete with the band, Pete with Fall Out Boy, Pete with his dogs, etc) pictures of Brendon, pictures of Spencer, pictures of Jon, pictures of the whole band (or just parts of it), there were even a few pictures of Brent. There were pictures of his family, pictures of him with random fans, pictures of him in different places around the world, pictures of him in various outfits that Brendon had took because he liked Ryan’s makeup that day or his shirt or his hat. Various guitars were placed around the room. There was a book shelf stuffed with as many books as Ryan had been able to fill it with next to a desk littered with CDs, books, a laptop, his cell phone, and quite a bit of notebooks, pens of all sorts of colors, and pencils. There was a dresser literally overflowing with clothes and his closet door was open, also stuffed full of clothes (okay, so Ryan was a big girl obsessed with clothes, big deal). His twin bed was unmade, the black velvet comforter halfway pooled on the ground and the dark scarlet sheets were twisted into a grotesque pile at the foot of his bed. His stuffed bear was set on top of his pillow.
Ryan fell upon his bed and curled up, hugging his bear close (okay, so not only Ryan a clothing-obsessed girl, but yes, he had a teddy bear). He closed his eyes, unable to look at any of Pete’s pictures.
His cell phone rang, a familiar song playing. Ryan whimpered. Pete. He sat up slowly and picked up the phone. He took a deep breath that did nothing to calm him down and answered it.
“Hello?”
“Ry, dude, fruit rollups rock!” Pete Wentz laughed on the other end.
Ryan smiled faintly. His wonderful, crazy Pete.
“Seriously, they’re like the best invention ever… I’ve got a tongue tattoo… It’s Scooby-Doo.”
“Like, Zoinks.”
Pete laughed, “So, what have you been doing, babe?”
Ryan bit his lip and silent tears slipped down his cheeks as images of kissing Brendon assaulted him.
“Ry, you there? Ryan?”
Yah, I’m here. Um, nothing’s happened.”
“Spencer said something was up with Brendon… Everything okay?”
“Yah. He was ambushed by fan girls at the theater. We got locked in the bathroom for a few hours… How’d your show go?”
“Awesome! This fan made each of us a gift. Like, I got this awesome Nightmare Before Christmas Hoodie. It looks like she customized it. Its like black with Jack on the front and it says ‘If you’ve seen my Sally, could you return her to me’ in bright orange letters. Plus, its all patchy with Jack patches and Sally patches and an Oogie-Boogie patch. Oh, and around the hood it says ‘Lock, Shock, and Barrel: notorious mischief makers’. Patrick got a hat that is mainly black and says ‘Call me stumpy and you will be hurt’ in red; Joe got this awesome custom designed guitar case; and Andy got a hoodie that says ‘I may be vegan but I can still kick your ass’.”
Ryan forced out a laugh. “Awesome, hey, Peterpanda, I’m sorry, but I gotta go.”
“All right. I love you, Ryan.” Ryan felt like puking.
“I love you, too, Pete.” Ryan choked out before quickly disconnecting the call.
Ryan’s door swung open and Spencer walked in.
“Spencer, I’m not in the mood.” Ryan sighed.
“Shut up.” Spencer commanded, voice flat. Ryan looked up in surprise; Spencer was angry and Spencer never got angry. “I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen. You and Brendon have always been my best friends. Always. Right now, Brendon’s in his room, crying. He told me what happened and I’ve concluded that you are an asshole.”
“What?” Ryan half-shrieked, his own fury rising.
“I said shut up! Brendon loves you, you fuck. Brendon’s always loved you. Haley knows it, Jon knows it, I know it, and I’m pretty sure Pete knows it because he’s not that stupid. And it’s pretty clear that you love him, too.”
“Of course I do,” Ryan snapped, “He’s Brendon. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love Pete.”
Spencer blinked. Ryan turned away from him but not quick enough that Spencer didn’t catch sight of the tears slipping down his cheeks.
“Bren was my world, you know. He was my everything, but I was sure I couldn’t have him. Then Pete came around. He wasn’t perfect, like Brendon, but he was beautiful and funny and crazy and wild. I didn’t mean to but I fell in love with him. But I still love Brendon. I’m so confused and torn, Spence…”
Spencer sighed and wrapped his arms around Ryan’s shaking form.
“I guess you’re not an asshole.” Spencer finally said, “You’re just as broken as he is.”
“Tell me what to do, Spencer… Please?” Ryan begged.
Spencer shook his head. “I can’t… I’m sorry, but its something you have to figure out for yourself.”
Spencer kissed Ryan’s head before he slipped away. Ryan curled up alone on his bed and tried to hold back the tears.
He heard his door open and close but didn’t turn to face the intruder. He heard feet shuffle across the carpet before his bed dipped slightly under added weight. A lithe body pressed against his own, pale arms coming around him. Still, Ryan didn’t move, choosing to remain still and silent in Brendon’s embrace.
It was several long minutes before Ryan twisted around, burying his face in Brendon’s neck. “Sing to me?” he asked, voice low and muffled.
“We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”
Ryan raised his head and pressed his lips to Brendon’s. Brendon’s voice radiated pain, his words ringing so close to home in Ryan’s mind. As much as Ryan loved Pete, he wasn’t over Brendon and never would be.
Brendon responded immediately. They kissed slowly, deeply, absorbing one another’s pain. Tears ran down both of their cheeks.
“I love you, Ryan… I try not to but I can’t help it.” Brendon whispered against Ryan’s lips.
“I know. I love you, too.” Ryan said. His words were filled with pain and sorrow, but they were genuine and honest.
Brendon crashed his lips against Ryan’s once more. He shoved his tongue into Ryan’s unresisting mouth. Ryan slid his tongue across Brendon’s, hands gripping Brendon’s hips and dragging him closer.
Their hips ground together, moving together in perfect sync. Brendon’s eyes squeezed shut as he moaned into Ryan’s mouth, his hands buried in Ryan’s hair and his erection pushing against Ryan’s.
Ryan’s hands slid hesitantly up Brendon’s sides. His fingertips hovered briefly over the buttons of Brendon’s shirt before he deftly undid the first button. His fingers slid from button to button, nervously undoing each button. He slid the silken shirt from Brendon’s shoulders.
Brendon pulled back. His eyes meet Ryan’s and he captured Ryan’s seeking hands in his own.
“Ryan, do you want this? Are you completely sure?” Brendon asked. His eyes were wide, pupils dilated in his lust-filled daze. His skin was flushed and hot, his entire body trembling.
Ryan nodded. “Yes. Yes, I want this.”
Brendon groaned and leaned forward to kiss Ryan again. He seized the hem of Ryan’s tight tee shirt and tugged it over his head, tossing it somewhere behind him. His fingers nimbly undid Ryan’s belt and he ripped it from the loops, nearly ripping one off.
“Careful,” Ryan panted, “These are new pants.”
Brendon ignored him as he tugged the jeans off of Ryan, struggling slightly due to the tightness of them. “Mother fucking girlpants.” He muttered.
Ryan laughed a little as he helped Brendon out of his own girlpants. Neither wore underwear and for a moment, they just gazed in awe at one another.
Brendon ran a hand over Ryan’s soft skin, ghosting over protruding ribs and sharp hipbones. “You’re beautiful, Ryan.”
Ryan blushed, which only made Brendon chuckle and kiss Ryan’s nose. Ryan scrunched up his nose in what Brendon fount to be an adorable way. Brendon kissed Ryan gently before deepening the kiss, his hands exploring. His fingers danced across ribs and caressed thighs, stroked down Ryan’s arms and fiddled with his fingers.
Ryan gasped at the featherlike touches. He’d never been touched like this before. Pete had always been gentle and loving, but it felt like Brendon was worshipping him with his adoring hands.
Brendon moved his lips to Ryan’s ear. “So fucking beautiful.”
Ryan shuddered at the feel of Brendon’s hot breath on his ears. Brendon bit and tugged gently on Ryan’s earlobe before moving to the skin directly beneath his ear, biting and sucking. Brendon’s lips, teeth, and tongue teased Ryan’s neck until the smaller boy was pleading for more.
“Bren… Brendon, please.”
Brendon pulled away, gasping. “Lube?”
Ryan shook his head to rid him of his daze. He gestured towards one of his shelves. “Black box.” He gasped.
Brendon crawled across the bed, seizing the box desperately and nearly tumbling from the bed. He lifted the lid, removing the small tube of lube inside. He returned to Ryan’s side, instantly capturing Ryan’s lips in a fierce kiss.
Ryan wrapped his legs around Brendon’s waist, pulling him closer. Brendon spread a liberal amount of lube onto the fingers of one hand. He slid his arm around Ryan’s waist, lifting his hips slightly while he began to probe gently at Ryan’s entrance, enjoying the way the smaller man’s breath hitched.
Brendon slipped one finger inside. Ryan gasped at the intrusion, moaning as Brendon began working his finger in and out. A second finger was added and Brendon scissored them, gently stretching. He twisted his fingers and crooked them, smirking when Ryan cried out as they brushed his prostate. Brendon quickly added a third finger, still mercilessly rubbing against Ryan’s prostate. Ryan pushed back against Brendon’s hand and bit his lip, eyes shut in pleasure.
“Fuck,” he panted, “I’m ready, B-Bren, fuck me.”
Brendon removed his fingers and lined up with Ryan’s entrance, slowly pressing inside. Ryan arched up against him.
“Enough of the gentle shit, Brendon, just fuck me.” Ryan growled.
Brendon groaned and thrusted fully inside. Both him and Ryan let out cries of pleasure. Brendon withdrew almost completely before shoving forward, changing his angle slightly to hit Ryan’s prostate. Ryan literally screamed his pleasure, eyes rolling back in his head.
“Fuck… Harder, Brendon, fuck me harder!”
Brendon readily complied, thrusting faster and harder each time. Ryan was arching up to meet him, hands clawing at Brendon’s shoulders, his sharp nails leaving angry scratches.
“So, close…” Ryan panted. Brendon shifted so that he was stroking Ryan’s hard cock in time with his thrusts.
“Brendon!” Ryan screamed as he came. Brendon thrusted inside one last time as he came, too, screaming Ryan’s name.
Brendon gently withdrew and collapsed breathlessly next to Ryan. Ryan turned, laying his head upon Brendon’s chest and dragging a blanket over their rapidly cooling bodies. Brendon wrapped his arms around his little lover and placed a quick kiss to the top of Ryan’s head. They both fell asleep in each other’s arms, neither thinking of the outside world.
Continue
Bandom: Panic! at the Disco/Fall Out Boy crossover
Pairings: Brendon/Ryan, Ryan/Pete, Brendon/Ryan/Pete, NO Brendon/Pete
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Ryan loves his boyfriend, really he does... But Brendon makes him realize that it's possible to love more than one person at a time.
A/N: This was written a long time ago when Nightmare Before Christmas was first hitting the theaters again in 3D.
Word Count: 3,820 (this part)
For what seemed like the millionth time in the past fifteen minutes, Ryan glanced over at his phone. He sighed, sank further into the comfy deep purple armchair he was sitting in, and pretended to be interested in whatever it was Spencer was watching (he honestly had no idea what it was… something about animals, he’d gathered).
“If you want to call him, just do it.”
Ryan looked over at Spencer, eyebrows raised. “I have no idea what you mean.”
“Yes, you do. At first it was cute. Now, it’s just sickening. Just call him.”
Ryan sighed. “I can’t. He’s on stage. He promised to call when he got off.”
“So relax then.”
“I can’t.” Ryan whined. “I miss him.”
Spencer rolled his eyes and returned to watching his show. Ryan looked back at the screen. “Oh, ew.”
“Its life, Ry… And it’s all that’s on.”
Ryan grimaced. The birthing process of a rhino. Gross. “You scare me sometimes, Spen… Seriously, you terrify me.”
Spencer just laughed. “Haley says the same thing.”
“Well, I always said she was the smart one.”
Spencer stuck his tongue out at Ryan. Ryan just smirked. The phone rang and Ryan dove at it, forgetting completely about Spencer.
“Hello?” he asked, trying to sound casual but not succeeding in the least.
“Hey, Ryan, dude listen can you come get me?” Brendon asked on the other line. Ryan sighed.
“Yeah, Bren… Where are you?”
“Um… At the theater.” Brendon answered.
“Yeah, that’s right… How was Nightmare?”
“Awesome… Ryan, could you hurry please?”
Ryan blinked at the desperation and fear in Brendon’s voice. “Bren… Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
“Ry, just please, hurry.”
Ryan nodded, though he knew Brendon couldn’t see him. “Of course… I’ll be right there.” Ryan hung up and reached for boots, pulling them on and buckling them up the side. He pulled his pants down over the tops of them and stood up. “Spen, I’m going to get Brendon.”
“You might miss Pete’s call.” Spencer teased.
Ryan shrugged. “Something’s wrong with Bren… Pete’ll understand.” He was already halfway towards the door. He snagged a hoodie from the closet and pulled it on before leaving the house that they all shared.
Ryan got in his car and started the engine. Jon had dropped Brendon off at the theater on his way to look at new basses and strings. The plan was for him to pick Brendon up on his way back through, considering Brendon loved Nightmare Before Christmas and could easily spend an afternoon watching it over and over again without it being on a big screen. Something was definitely wrong if he wanted to come home early.
Ryan pulled up to the theater, but didn’t see Brendon anywhere. He got out of his car and headed inside.
“Oh my God, it’s Ryan Ross!” a very high-pitched voice squealed, nearly rupturing Ryan’s eardrum. He now knew why Brendon was so afraid earlier. Six teenage girls were rushing towards him. He took a brief glance around before ducking into the men’s restroom.
Unsure whether that’d honestly stop the girls, he stepped into a stall and locked the door. He sat down and pulled his feet up, in case they were to check under the door.
“Who’s there?”
“Bren?” Ryan asked, looking to his right in the direction the voice had come from.
“Ryan? Thank God you’re here! Are they gone?”
“Bren… I’m locked in a bathroom stall… What do you think?”
Brendon’s only reply was a groan.
“Now, not only are you stuck here, but so am I… What happened?”
“I don’t know! Everything was fine. I’d watched Nightmare twice, and God, Ry, its unbelievable to see it on the big screen again!”
Ryan had to giggle. Brendon was like such a little kid sometimes.
“Anyway, I was hungry, so I went to get to some popcorn. The first girl who saw me was really nice and not at all stalkerish. She just asked for an autograph and a hug and then she went and sat down. The other ones, they were… scary. They screamed and, like, ambushed me… I barely got a way by hiding in here. I called you. I didn’t think you’d be stupid enough to come looking for me. I figured you’d use your cell to call me.”
“I didn’t even grab my cell… Which I probably should of. Pete’s supposed to be calling soon…”
“Sorry, Ry.”
“It’s okay… Which stall are you in?”
“Third down. Why?”
“I’m coming over.”
Ryan sank to his knees and crawled under the first stall divider then the next. He looked up to find Brendon perched on top of the tank of the toilet, his feet on the seat. Brendon gave him a cocky smile.
“I always knew I’d get you on your knees one day.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Bren.”
Brendon laughed. Ryan turned so that he was sitting with his back against the wall and his legs crossed.
“So, what now?”
Brendon shrugged. “I guess we try and wait them out.”
Ryan groaned.
Two hours later
“I’m going on a trip and I’m taking an amp, a bass, a Care Bear -God, Brendon, you’re so gay - a drum, an egg -I don’t even like eggs -the Family Guy series, a guitar, a hyena, an ice cream cone, Jon, a koala, a lollipop, a microphone, a necromancer, an opal, Pete, a rainbow -I’m still not sure that’s possible, Bren - Spencer, a television, and uranium.” Ryan rattled off.
“Uranium?” Brendon repeated.
“Uranium.”
“Okay… I’m going on a trip and I’m taking an amp, a bass, a Care Bear, a drum, and egg, the Family Guy series, a guitar, a hyena, an ice cream cone, Jon, a koala, a lollipop, a microphone, a… Um… A… A… Um… Shit… A… Oh, fuck it, it’s a stupid game anyway.”
“It was your idea.”
“Well, I don’t want to play anymore.” Brendon pouted.
Ryan sighed. Brendon had moved to sit next to him when they’d started their game. He was getting tired, it had to be ten or so by now, so he rested his head on Brendon’s shoulder.
“Do you think they’re gone yet?” he mumbled, slurring his voice slightly and muffling it in Brendon’s shirt.
“I don’t know.”
Ryan looked up at Brendon, only to find Brendon gazing down at him.
Ryan was always uncomfortable with people looking at him. He figured they saw what he did when he looked in the mirror. A short, scrawny pale guy who looked way to girlish than he ought to. He liked his hair, the dark color and the ‘emo’ style. His makeup was immaculately done, like always. Pale purple shadow slowly darkened to navy blue. Black eyeliner encircled his eyes and a tear line went down his left cheek before it swirled in a heart. A line of six small, black hearts, each on a little bigger than the one before it, began at the corner of his right eye and swirled up above his eyebrow. Since they were no longer on tour, he was experimenting.
“What?” Ryan asked, unsure why he was nearly whispering or why flutters had begun in his stomach. Brendon’s eyes didn’t leave Ryan’s as Brendon shifted. Brendon leaned closer before he almost hesitantly pressed his lips to Ryan’s. Though shocked at first, Ryan didn’t think before his eyes drifted shut and he was kissing Brendon back.
Brendon rose a hand to cup Ryan’s jaw and Ryan’s hands fell to rest at Brendon’s hips. He pulled Brendon closer and parted his lips when Brendon swiped his tongue across them. Ryan whimpered into Brendon’s mouth.
An image of Pete filtered through the haze of Ryan’s mind. He ripped away from Brendon.
“Oh, God… Oh, God… Oh, God…” he muttered over and over again, beginning to panic.
“Ryan…” Brendon reached a hand out towards him.
“NO! No… What the FUCK did we just do?”
“We just kissed.”
“NO! No. No… I have Pete. I LOVE Pete!” Ryan shouted. He began to cry, his tears smearing his carefully applied make up.
“Ryan… Ry, calm down!” Brendon exclaimed. He tried pulling Ryan close, ignoring the way Ryan fought to get away. Ryan’s struggles slowly weakened until he stopped fighting and buried his face in Brendon’s neck and cried. Brendon muttered soothing things into Ryan’s ear and stroked his hair gently.
After a while, Ryan stopped crying. He pulled away and wiped at his eyes. His makeup was a mess, smeared across his cheeks in a blur of color. He sniffed and looked at his hands, which were also smeared with color.
“I-I’m gonna go wash up.” He whispered as he stood up. He unlocked the stall door and walked to the sink, grimacing at his reflection. He turned the water on and snagged a paper towel, using it to wash his face. He threw it away once finished and washed his hands as well.
“Ryan…” Brendon began. He was standing behind the guitarist, a concerned look on his face.
“C-Can we just forget it ever happened? Please?” Ryan asked. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see the hurt expression upon Brendon’s reflection in the mirror.
“Yeah, Ryan… Whatever you want.”
Ryan nodded and strode towards the door. He’d rather take on the world than be alone with Brendon right now. Luckily, the girls had apparently given up, and with Brendon following close behind, he escaped to his car.
In the car, Ryan blared his radio so that he didn’t have to talk and speed the entire way, eager to get home. He pulled into the drive way, put his car in park and cut the engine, and disappeared inside. He didn’t pause before going to his room.
“Hey, Ryan, Pete wants you to call him back.” Spencer said as Ryan passed. Ryan winced but said nothing as he closed his bedroom door behind him.
Ryan’s room was a collection of his life. If one were to take inventory of his room, one would learn just about everything there was to know about him. His walls were painted dark, royal purple (with a coat of that magnetic paint underneath) and almost completely covered with posters of bands, movies, and celebrities he liked. Clothes were scattered across his floor, clean and dirty alike. Hats were hung on random hooks. He had a few shelves that were covered with souvenirs from family vacations and places he’d toured to, gifts from fans, presents he’d received as a child, and little things that’d meant something to him. There were pictures galore scattered everywhere. Pictures of Pete (Pete alone, Pete with Ryan, Pete with the band, Pete with Fall Out Boy, Pete with his dogs, etc) pictures of Brendon, pictures of Spencer, pictures of Jon, pictures of the whole band (or just parts of it), there were even a few pictures of Brent. There were pictures of his family, pictures of him with random fans, pictures of him in different places around the world, pictures of him in various outfits that Brendon had took because he liked Ryan’s makeup that day or his shirt or his hat. Various guitars were placed around the room. There was a book shelf stuffed with as many books as Ryan had been able to fill it with next to a desk littered with CDs, books, a laptop, his cell phone, and quite a bit of notebooks, pens of all sorts of colors, and pencils. There was a dresser literally overflowing with clothes and his closet door was open, also stuffed full of clothes (okay, so Ryan was a big girl obsessed with clothes, big deal). His twin bed was unmade, the black velvet comforter halfway pooled on the ground and the dark scarlet sheets were twisted into a grotesque pile at the foot of his bed. His stuffed bear was set on top of his pillow.
Ryan fell upon his bed and curled up, hugging his bear close (okay, so not only Ryan a clothing-obsessed girl, but yes, he had a teddy bear). He closed his eyes, unable to look at any of Pete’s pictures.
His cell phone rang, a familiar song playing. Ryan whimpered. Pete. He sat up slowly and picked up the phone. He took a deep breath that did nothing to calm him down and answered it.
“Hello?”
“Ry, dude, fruit rollups rock!” Pete Wentz laughed on the other end.
Ryan smiled faintly. His wonderful, crazy Pete.
“Seriously, they’re like the best invention ever… I’ve got a tongue tattoo… It’s Scooby-Doo.”
“Like, Zoinks.”
Pete laughed, “So, what have you been doing, babe?”
Ryan bit his lip and silent tears slipped down his cheeks as images of kissing Brendon assaulted him.
“Ry, you there? Ryan?”
Yah, I’m here. Um, nothing’s happened.”
“Spencer said something was up with Brendon… Everything okay?”
“Yah. He was ambushed by fan girls at the theater. We got locked in the bathroom for a few hours… How’d your show go?”
“Awesome! This fan made each of us a gift. Like, I got this awesome Nightmare Before Christmas Hoodie. It looks like she customized it. Its like black with Jack on the front and it says ‘If you’ve seen my Sally, could you return her to me’ in bright orange letters. Plus, its all patchy with Jack patches and Sally patches and an Oogie-Boogie patch. Oh, and around the hood it says ‘Lock, Shock, and Barrel: notorious mischief makers’. Patrick got a hat that is mainly black and says ‘Call me stumpy and you will be hurt’ in red; Joe got this awesome custom designed guitar case; and Andy got a hoodie that says ‘I may be vegan but I can still kick your ass’.”
Ryan forced out a laugh. “Awesome, hey, Peterpanda, I’m sorry, but I gotta go.”
“All right. I love you, Ryan.” Ryan felt like puking.
“I love you, too, Pete.” Ryan choked out before quickly disconnecting the call.
Ryan’s door swung open and Spencer walked in.
“Spencer, I’m not in the mood.” Ryan sighed.
“Shut up.” Spencer commanded, voice flat. Ryan looked up in surprise; Spencer was angry and Spencer never got angry. “I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen. You and Brendon have always been my best friends. Always. Right now, Brendon’s in his room, crying. He told me what happened and I’ve concluded that you are an asshole.”
“What?” Ryan half-shrieked, his own fury rising.
“I said shut up! Brendon loves you, you fuck. Brendon’s always loved you. Haley knows it, Jon knows it, I know it, and I’m pretty sure Pete knows it because he’s not that stupid. And it’s pretty clear that you love him, too.”
“Of course I do,” Ryan snapped, “He’s Brendon. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love Pete.”
Spencer blinked. Ryan turned away from him but not quick enough that Spencer didn’t catch sight of the tears slipping down his cheeks.
“Bren was my world, you know. He was my everything, but I was sure I couldn’t have him. Then Pete came around. He wasn’t perfect, like Brendon, but he was beautiful and funny and crazy and wild. I didn’t mean to but I fell in love with him. But I still love Brendon. I’m so confused and torn, Spence…”
Spencer sighed and wrapped his arms around Ryan’s shaking form.
“I guess you’re not an asshole.” Spencer finally said, “You’re just as broken as he is.”
“Tell me what to do, Spencer… Please?” Ryan begged.
Spencer shook his head. “I can’t… I’m sorry, but its something you have to figure out for yourself.”
Spencer kissed Ryan’s head before he slipped away. Ryan curled up alone on his bed and tried to hold back the tears.
He heard his door open and close but didn’t turn to face the intruder. He heard feet shuffle across the carpet before his bed dipped slightly under added weight. A lithe body pressed against his own, pale arms coming around him. Still, Ryan didn’t move, choosing to remain still and silent in Brendon’s embrace.
It was several long minutes before Ryan twisted around, burying his face in Brendon’s neck. “Sing to me?” he asked, voice low and muffled.
“We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”
Ryan raised his head and pressed his lips to Brendon’s. Brendon’s voice radiated pain, his words ringing so close to home in Ryan’s mind. As much as Ryan loved Pete, he wasn’t over Brendon and never would be.
Brendon responded immediately. They kissed slowly, deeply, absorbing one another’s pain. Tears ran down both of their cheeks.
“I love you, Ryan… I try not to but I can’t help it.” Brendon whispered against Ryan’s lips.
“I know. I love you, too.” Ryan said. His words were filled with pain and sorrow, but they were genuine and honest.
Brendon crashed his lips against Ryan’s once more. He shoved his tongue into Ryan’s unresisting mouth. Ryan slid his tongue across Brendon’s, hands gripping Brendon’s hips and dragging him closer.
Their hips ground together, moving together in perfect sync. Brendon’s eyes squeezed shut as he moaned into Ryan’s mouth, his hands buried in Ryan’s hair and his erection pushing against Ryan’s.
Ryan’s hands slid hesitantly up Brendon’s sides. His fingertips hovered briefly over the buttons of Brendon’s shirt before he deftly undid the first button. His fingers slid from button to button, nervously undoing each button. He slid the silken shirt from Brendon’s shoulders.
Brendon pulled back. His eyes meet Ryan’s and he captured Ryan’s seeking hands in his own.
“Ryan, do you want this? Are you completely sure?” Brendon asked. His eyes were wide, pupils dilated in his lust-filled daze. His skin was flushed and hot, his entire body trembling.
Ryan nodded. “Yes. Yes, I want this.”
Brendon groaned and leaned forward to kiss Ryan again. He seized the hem of Ryan’s tight tee shirt and tugged it over his head, tossing it somewhere behind him. His fingers nimbly undid Ryan’s belt and he ripped it from the loops, nearly ripping one off.
“Careful,” Ryan panted, “These are new pants.”
Brendon ignored him as he tugged the jeans off of Ryan, struggling slightly due to the tightness of them. “Mother fucking girlpants.” He muttered.
Ryan laughed a little as he helped Brendon out of his own girlpants. Neither wore underwear and for a moment, they just gazed in awe at one another.
Brendon ran a hand over Ryan’s soft skin, ghosting over protruding ribs and sharp hipbones. “You’re beautiful, Ryan.”
Ryan blushed, which only made Brendon chuckle and kiss Ryan’s nose. Ryan scrunched up his nose in what Brendon fount to be an adorable way. Brendon kissed Ryan gently before deepening the kiss, his hands exploring. His fingers danced across ribs and caressed thighs, stroked down Ryan’s arms and fiddled with his fingers.
Ryan gasped at the featherlike touches. He’d never been touched like this before. Pete had always been gentle and loving, but it felt like Brendon was worshipping him with his adoring hands.
Brendon moved his lips to Ryan’s ear. “So fucking beautiful.”
Ryan shuddered at the feel of Brendon’s hot breath on his ears. Brendon bit and tugged gently on Ryan’s earlobe before moving to the skin directly beneath his ear, biting and sucking. Brendon’s lips, teeth, and tongue teased Ryan’s neck until the smaller boy was pleading for more.
“Bren… Brendon, please.”
Brendon pulled away, gasping. “Lube?”
Ryan shook his head to rid him of his daze. He gestured towards one of his shelves. “Black box.” He gasped.
Brendon crawled across the bed, seizing the box desperately and nearly tumbling from the bed. He lifted the lid, removing the small tube of lube inside. He returned to Ryan’s side, instantly capturing Ryan’s lips in a fierce kiss.
Ryan wrapped his legs around Brendon’s waist, pulling him closer. Brendon spread a liberal amount of lube onto the fingers of one hand. He slid his arm around Ryan’s waist, lifting his hips slightly while he began to probe gently at Ryan’s entrance, enjoying the way the smaller man’s breath hitched.
Brendon slipped one finger inside. Ryan gasped at the intrusion, moaning as Brendon began working his finger in and out. A second finger was added and Brendon scissored them, gently stretching. He twisted his fingers and crooked them, smirking when Ryan cried out as they brushed his prostate. Brendon quickly added a third finger, still mercilessly rubbing against Ryan’s prostate. Ryan pushed back against Brendon’s hand and bit his lip, eyes shut in pleasure.
“Fuck,” he panted, “I’m ready, B-Bren, fuck me.”
Brendon removed his fingers and lined up with Ryan’s entrance, slowly pressing inside. Ryan arched up against him.
“Enough of the gentle shit, Brendon, just fuck me.” Ryan growled.
Brendon groaned and thrusted fully inside. Both him and Ryan let out cries of pleasure. Brendon withdrew almost completely before shoving forward, changing his angle slightly to hit Ryan’s prostate. Ryan literally screamed his pleasure, eyes rolling back in his head.
“Fuck… Harder, Brendon, fuck me harder!”
Brendon readily complied, thrusting faster and harder each time. Ryan was arching up to meet him, hands clawing at Brendon’s shoulders, his sharp nails leaving angry scratches.
“So, close…” Ryan panted. Brendon shifted so that he was stroking Ryan’s hard cock in time with his thrusts.
“Brendon!” Ryan screamed as he came. Brendon thrusted inside one last time as he came, too, screaming Ryan’s name.
Brendon gently withdrew and collapsed breathlessly next to Ryan. Ryan turned, laying his head upon Brendon’s chest and dragging a blanket over their rapidly cooling bodies. Brendon wrapped his arms around his little lover and placed a quick kiss to the top of Ryan’s head. They both fell asleep in each other’s arms, neither thinking of the outside world.
Continue