The Touch of Your Skin (Reminds Me I'm Never Alone)
Title: The Touch of Your Skin (Reminds Me I’m Never Alone)
Fandom: Jonas Brothers
Pairing: Joe/Nick
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Joe and Nick’s connection has always been a double-edged sword. When complications of their disease threaten Joe’s life, their parents make the decision to try experimental medicine that will break the connection, possibly forever.
A/N: The sequel to Under My Skin. Specially dedicated to vanessatolins, whose Christmas gift I never got finished.
Word Count: 5,926
Joe wakes up the way he’s woken up every day for the past seventeen years, with his arms and legs tangled with his brother’s, their faces turned towards one another and their lips nearly touching, sharing the same air. Their chests are pressed together, their hearts beating in perfect rhythm, their lungs expanding and contracting in sync. Joe inhales, Nick inhales. Nick exhales, Joe exhales.
Joe is dragged towards consciousness, opens his eyes at the exact moment Nick does. He smiles sleepily and Nick returns it, presses forward to kiss Joe’s lips before they break apart to get dressed.
They haven’t been like this for long, sharing kisses and the intimate touches they had always been told were forbidden, and yet Joe can’t really remember a time when they didn’t. He loves Nick, so truly and completely, that he’s sure their lives were always leading to this point.
Nick believes that he was given to Joe. That God meant for them to have this, to love one another so much. Otherwise, he says, why connect their hearts? Nothing else makes sense.
Joe thinks he’s right, except he doesn’t think Nick was given to Joe as a reward for anything. Nick is amazing and beautiful and talented and perfect. Joe believes that Nick was given to him so that Joe would protect him and love him. Nick is a gift, the surest sign Joe has that there is a God and he is a loving, giving God.
They’re lucky, Joe thinks as Nick crushes their lips together and pushes Joe back onto the bed. They’re lucky to have one another, lucky to have Lunds. He wouldn’t change it for the world.
Nick has been feeling odd all day. His levels are out of whack, he’s tired, lethargic, and his limbs ache. He’s got a fever, his head pounding, and he can’t concentrate on much. He sits at the table, Joe slumped next to him in echoing discomfort, their fingers tangled together , and watches through heavy eyes as their mother makes them soup.
She presses her hand to Nick’s head, and then takes the thermometer from Joe’s mouth and glances at it. She clicks her tongue and turns to a cabinet, pulling two glasses down and setting them on the counter. Seconds later they’re both filled with juice -apple for Joe, orange for Nick -and Denise gives them both a look that tells them to drink it all with no complaints.
Joe makes a face but sips at his juice without an argument. Nick drinks a little and then pulls out his kit to check his levels again. His blood sugar has sky rocketed high enough that he may need to go to the hospital if he can’t bring it down.
“Joe, can you get me my insulin from the fridge?” Nick asks, voice a low, slurring mumble.
Joe nods and stands up, takes one step towards the refrigerator.
Nick’s vision swims, goes fuzzy and dark and he clutches at the table top as he watches Joe crumble to the floor. With sudden, horrible clarity he realizes it wasn’t his illness they were dealing with.
It was Joe.
Nick reaches blindly for Joe, his body screaming for his brother. Dimly, he can hear his mother’s horrified scream, as the world goes black. Nick falls sideways off of his chair, one hand stretched out towards Joe but their lax bodies too far apart to touch.
Joe wakes slowly. He doesn’t have the energy to open his eyes, body sore all over. He can feel Nick in the bed with him, but there’re heavy fabrics between them. Joe can feel Nick trying to fight to touch him and Joe moves as best he can to assist.
Their hands finally connect and they both sigh in relief. Joe can at last open his eyes, twists his head so he can see his brother.
Nick is pale, his lips colorless, and there are dark circles under his eyes. He looks exhausted and ill, his eyes heavy lidded as if he barely has the strength to keep them open. Joe fights harder against the blankets to get to his brother.
“Joe? Joe, honey, stop moving. Just relax, okay? Just relax.”
Joe can recognize his mother’s voice and he shakes his head. No, he has to get to Nick. He has to make Nick feel better. Nick squeezes his hand and Joe stills at the silent request.
“Mom?” Nick croaks, “Mom, help.”
“Baby, what is it? What’s wrong?”
“Can’t touch,” Nick rasps. Joe notices that his lips are dry and cracked. He flickers his tongue out and realizes his own are, as well.
Does he look as bad as Nick?
Denise’s hands are suddenly helping, pulling the blankets away so that Joe and Nick can curl together. They’re both in thin hospital gowns and Nick tangles their bare legs together as Joe pulls him as close as possible, pressing their cheeks together.
“Wha’s goin’ on?” Joe mumbles. His eyes drop but he fights to keep awake.
“It’s the Lunds, honey,” Denise tells them. “Your body has stopped producing insulin, like Nick’s. The doctors are having a really hard time regulating your blood sugar. If we give you insulin, Nick’s levels drop. If we give Nick sugar, yours skyrocket.”
Nick clutches at Joe. This is their biggest fear. Joe can feel Nick’s panic as it whelms up and before either can ask anything more, the darkness pulls them back under.
Nick can’t keep awake. Between his own lack of energy and Joe’s, they’re awake for only a few minutes at a time for close to six weeks. He’s aware that the doctors are scrambling to treat them, that the chances are not in their favor.
Nick looks into Joe’s eyes. They’re dark, frightened. Nick doesn’t know where his fear ends and Joe’s begin, they blur together in his mind.
“Are we gonna die?” Nick can barely talk. His throat is dry, raw and scratchy, lips cracked and sore. He doesn’t think he’s spoken in a while, but it’s impossible to know exactly how long.
Joe squeezes his hand, “I don’t know, Nicky.”
“If we die, will it be at the same time?”
“I hope so.”
Joe’s pancreas shut down at the beginning of October and it’s a week before Christmas before the doctors figure out a way to treat them. Joe wakes up feeling surprisingly good, looks over and shares a hopeful grin with his brother. Nick’s face immediately falls into a frown, but Nick’s kind of a “glass half empty” kind of guy, so Joe won’t let it bother him.
Someone had hung a sprig of mistletoe above the door to their private room. Joe catches sight of it two days after they first awoke with the ability to hold their eyes open longer than an hour. Their room is usually bustling with people -Kevin running on and on about what they’ve missed, Denise fussing over their blankets, Paul quoting scripture for them to find hope in, Frankie cracking jokes and being awesome, doctors and nurses and an endless array of people drawing blood and taking their temperatures and checking their levels.
Joe grows sick of it quickly. He wants to kiss Nick, assure him that they’re going to be okay. He can’t do that with all these people around.
Finally, on Christmas Eve, they get a break. Their parents and Kevin assure them they’ll be back first thing in the morning, with presents and everything. Joe drags Nick up and out of bed, even though they aren’t supposed to get up.
Nick laughs as Joe positions them underneath the mistletoe and Joe kisses his smile. It’s a perfect moment, before the alarms start sounding. The brothers jump apart and a nurse bustles in, scowling and ordering them back to bed.
Joe got his kiss, though.
It’s just after New Year’s and they’re getting tired more quickly again. Denise and Paul have been speaking with the doctors, fast and furious but just out of hearing distance. Nick’s not sure what they’re planning, but he’s sure it isn’t good.
When Denise comes into their room one afternoon, smiling brighter than she has since before they became ill, Nick feels sick to his stomach.
“Wonderful news! Dr. Breckenridge thinks he’s found a way to treat you.”
Joe perks up next to him, “Really?”
“Yes. He’s suggested an experimental medicine that will, hopefully, suppress the hormones that keep your bodies in sync.”
It takes Nick a moment to decipher that. When he gets it, his jaw drops open, “You want to separate us!”
“I know it’s a big change, sweetheart, but it’ll be better in the long run. This way you’ll both be able to live normal lives.”
“Screw that!” Joe objects loudly, “You’re not doing this to us!”
“Joseph, this syndrome is killing you both!”
“Then let it!” Joe shouts. Nick whole-heartedly agrees. He’d rather die with Joe than lose him.
“Joseph! Enough of that.” Denise presses the button to call the nurse’s station, “Could you tell Dr. Breckenridge we’re ready for him?”
“What? Mom, no! We don’t want it!” Joe yells, trying to fight his way out of the blankets. The doctor sweeps into the room like he was waiting just outside and Nick starts to panic.
They can’t do this. They can’t take Joe away from him.
“Wait!” Nick finally finds his voice, “Wait, Mom, you can’t do this.”
“Honey, I know you’re scared, but it’ll be okay. This is the answer I’ve prayed for.”
“Prayed? Mom, you think God wants us separated? That isn’t God’s will!”
“Nicholas!” Denise gasps, looking scandalized. The doctor moves closer and Nick shies away from the needle in his hand.
“Stay away from him, you sonnovabitch!” Joe yells, pulling Nick closer. They don’t have anywhere to run and the needle slides into Nick’s skin like butter.
Nick screams and Joe throws a punch at the doctor.
The drug is immediate, swirling into Nick’s veins. Everything goes black.
Something isn’t right.
Joe wakes up with a sense of wrongwrongwrong. He reaches for his brother without thought, knows that Nick’s skin will settle the sick feeling in his stomach. His hand finds nothing but cold sheets.
Joe bolts upright in bed. He’s still in the private room at the hospital, but Nick is nowhere to be seen.
“Nick!”
It’s futile to yell, but Joe finds himself doing so anyway. He shoves his blankets off his lap and jerks the IV from the back of his hand. His legs are like jelly when they hit the floor, his knees weak, but he stumbles over to the door and jerks it open anyway.
“Joe!” Kevin runs down the hall, catching Joe as he falls through the doorway. “Dude, what are you doing? You shouldn’t be out of bed yet!”
“Where’s Nick?” Joe can’t think of anything but his brother. Nick’s not there, Joe can’t find him or feel him. He’s not there and Joe can’t handle that. “Where’s Nicky?”
“He’s in a different room. Dr. Breckenridge thought it was best to separate you guys when you’re hearts started separate rhythms.”
Joe jerks, feeling like he’d been punched in the gut. “We don’t match anymore?”
Kevin’s eyes soften, “Let’s get you back to bed.”
“No. No, I need to see Nick. I can’t… Kev, please. Please, I need Nick.”
“Okay. Okay, let me just… Find a wheel chair. But, you still aren’t well. I mean, you’ve been out for a week.”
“A week?” It’s unfathomable. A week without Nick?
Joe can’t think past his need to see, to touch, his brother. Kevin helps him into a wheelchair and starts down the hall, while Joe closes his eyes and tries his hardest to find that small part of Nick that has always existed within him.
He can’t find it. It’s like a part of his soul has been ripped away and Joe feels like crying.
Part of him is already screaming.
The first thing Nick is aware of is that he’s very alone.
In all of his life, Nick has never truly been alone. Since the day he was born, he has always had Joe. Joe in his bed at night, against his skin during the day, in his heart and sharing his breath. Always there, as steady and sure as Nick’s heartbeat.
Even when he was younger, when he’d get mad at Joe for something silly and stupid, he never once wished for Joe to be gone. He’s never wished for Joe to not be there. It’d be like wishing your own arm away: stupid and silly and unheard of.
Nick knows before he opens his eyes that Joe isn’t there.
He knows it by the chill that clings to his skin, a cold that Joe’s body heat always chased away. He knows it by the beat of his own heart, too fast and off-kilter. He can’t even recognize it, though it pounds loudly in his ears.
“Nick? Nicholas, sweetheart, can you open your eyes for me?”
Nick recognizes his mother’s voice. The feelings she invokes in him, though, are new. Anger, fury. Hate.
Nick has never hated before, and certainly never hated his mother.
But she stole Joe away from him and he hates her for it.
Nick’s suddenly aware that his chest is growing tight. He can’t draw in a breath, can’t even remember how. His eyes fly open as he opens his mouth and gasps like a fish, beginning to panic as he can’t draw a breath.
“Nick!”
That’s Joe.
Nick reaches out and Joe takes his hand, pushes into his line of sight.
“What’s happening?” Denise sounds frantic.
“He hasn’t breathed on his own since he was born,” Joe sneers it, sharp and harsh. There’s hate in Joe’s voice, too, even as his fingers gently brush Nick’s hair from his face. His familiar touch is soothing and some of Nick’s panic eases. “Nick, listen to me. Listen to my breathing and match it. I know you can do it. Just like before.”
Nick lets his eyes shut. He easily picks up on Joe’s breathing, as he always has by instinct. Matching it is easy, simple. Within a few seconds, Nick’s breathing is normal again and he can open his eyes.
“Joe.”
“I’m here.” Joe promises. “You aren’t alone.”
Nick clutches at Joe, pulls him closer. The tears come without warning, great sobs that shake him and Joe both. There’s wetness in his hair, dripping onto his neck, and Nick knows that Joe’s crying to.
What’s been done to them? And how can they fix it?
“This is ridiculous. Joe, Nick needs his rest.” Denise sighs. Nick doesn’t look at her, his face still buried in Joe’s neck, and Joe doesn’t move away from his brother. Kevin rolls back and forth in Joe’s abandoned wheelchair. “Joseph.”
“I’m not leaving him!” Joe snaps. “Just go away, you’ve done enough.”
“Joe,” Kevin objects. Joe glances over at him, but Kevin doesn’t look angry. He looks nervous and uneasy, but not upset.
Denise drew herself up. “I know that you’re angry with me, and that’s okay. Already, your body is producing insulin again!”
“And Nick can’t breathe right,” Joe twisted around to look at his mother, glaring fiercely. “His heart rate is irregular. It’s too fast. He’s stressed out and scared and that’s doing fuck all to his levels.”
“Language! Don’t curse at your mother!” Paul spoke up for the first time.
Joe didn’t apologize, didn’t feel even a bit chastised. He continued, his voice growing angrier, “You don’t understand. You don’t understand what it’s like, to always have someone. To have them be a part of you and then have them taken away. You did that to us!” Joe can hear his voice rising, can feel the tears sting again, “I’m not angry with you, I hate you!”
“Alright,” Paul’s voice is deadly quiet. “Alright, son. If that’s the way you feel. We don’t allow hate in our house, though. I’ll have security escort you to your own room. Hate is not something Nick needs to be exposed to right now.”
“You aren’t listening,” Joe blinks the tears from his eyes as they start to blur the room, “I’m not leaving him again!”
Nick shudders against him, fingers digging into his skin.
Paul keeps to his word, though. He calls security, but it takes four of the men to drag Joe away from Nick, both teenagers screaming and fighting. There are scratches down Joe’s arms from Nick’s nails as they drag Nick off of him. Paul and Denise stand back and Kevin tries to run in and help.
“Stop! Can’t you see its hurting them!”
But they don’t stop.
“Mr. Jonas? Mr. Ackles will see you now.”
Nick looks up at the woman’s voice. The plate on her desk reads “Isabelle Davis: Secretarial Assistant”. The first thing Nick had noticed was the ring on her left finger, diamond shining. Nick’s own hand was bare now.
“Thank you.” Nick finally says, standing up and starting towards the door to Joshua Ackles’ office. He pauses, his hand on the door handle, and reminds himself to breath (deep breath in, slow exhale out. Deep breath in, slow exhale out) before he steps into the office.
“Mr. Jonas, come in and have a seat. I must admit that I’m rather… surprised you requested to meet with me. I’ve never worked with a famous person before.” The lawyer greets him, smiling. Mr. Ackles has dark hair, graying at the temples, that was just slightly wavy. He had green eyes and freckles, glasses settled on his nose, and a round face.
Nick sits in the proffered chair before Mr. Ackles’ desk. “Your brother is Jensen Ackles, right?”
Mr. Ackles frowns, “What does Jensen have to do with any of this?”
“Your brother has Lunds Syndrome. His partner is Jared Padalecki.”
“Yes, he imprinted… almost five years ago. What’s this about?”
“I have Lunds Syndrome, too. My brother imprinted on me when I was born; he was three. That was seventeen years ago.”
Mr. Ackles nods, “Alright, but I’m not going to arrange a meeting with Jensen just for that.”
“That isn’t what I want. I need your help to emancipate myself from my parents and to get an experimental medicine declared illegal.”
“Mr. Jonas,” Mr. Ackles says, slowly, “I think you’re going to have to explain.”
Nick nods, “I can do that. I was diagnosed with diabetes when I was thirteen. If you are in anyway aware of how Lunds works, it was only a matter of time before Joe’s body stopped producing insulin, as well. To mimic my physiology. In October, his pancreas began to shut down. The doctors that worked with us couldn’t find a medium between our levels. Giving me insulin spiked Joe’s levels, giving Joe insulin sent mine through the roof. We spent most of the time unconscious and near-death, until December when we started to get better. But, by New Years, it wasn’t working anymore. We were getting tired more easily again and our levels were fluctuating. Our doctor, Dr. Breckenridge, suggested an experimental medicine that, ideally, would cure our Lunds. It would separate us.”
Mr. Ackles leans forward in his chair, “Why would they even be developing something like that?”
“I don’t know. Joe and I both stated we didn’t want to do it. Our Lunds was killing us, but we’d rather die together than be apart like that. It’s… I had never been without Joe, ever. We’re the youngest pair to ever imprint. The day I was born, he touched me and that was that.”
“Jesus. Jensen’s only been with Jared for five years, but they’re apart of one another. They can… finish one another’s sentences. It’s like they know what the other is thinking.”
“In a way, they kind of do. There’s always been this part of me that is Joe. Joe’s emotions, Joe’s heartbeat, just Joe. We said no. We begged them and fought them and they still… They still did it. They gave me the medicine. I passed out, spent a week in a coma, and when I woke up Joe was… gone. They took him away from me.”
“Christ.”
“I couldn’t even breathe. I couldn’t remember how. I’ve never had to; I’ve always just naturally mimicked Joe’s breathing. My heart doesn’t know how to beat anymore. My heartbeat is too fast and it’s irregular. And that part of me, that little piece of Joe, it’s like it’s been ripped away.”
Nick has to pause, squeeze his eyes shut against the torrent of panic and grief and loneliness that threatens to overwhelm him. When he opens his eyes, he’s calm again, at least on the outside.
“Joe yelled at our mother. He screamed at her, that she didn’t understand what she’d done. He said he hated her. He… They have a restraining order against him. He can’t go near me anymore. I can’t even see him.”
Nick’s voice cracks and breaks. He doubles over, tries to fight the tears but he can’t. Mr. Ackles waits patiently for him to get himself back under control.
“Will you help me?” Nick asks, begs.
“Yes.”
Joe isn’t allowed to go home until he apologizes and asks his parents, and God, for forgiveness. As far as he’s concerned, he isn’t the one with something to apologize for. They’re the ones that stole Nick from him.
Kevin finds him an apartment, something small and not to extravagant, but with enough security Joe doesn’t have to fear for his life. Joe likes in, in an abstract way, but he doesn’t call it home. Joe can’t have a home that doesn’t have Nick in it.
Kevin visits him every day. Joe doesn’t know what Kevin tells their parents; he can’t imagine Kevin ever lying to them, but if they know the truth they can’t be too pleased. He brings Frankie with him every now and again, but never Nick.
“He’s still in the hospital.” Kevin reveals one day. Joe asks every day, but Kevin had never given him an answer. Joe’s been out of the hospital for two weeks.
He swallows hard, “Is he okay?”
“He’s getting better. He’s just having a lot of problems… adjusting.” Kevin hesitates, “He misses you.”
“I know.”
And Joe does know. He feels the same way, like a piece of him has been ripped away and lost. Nick’s gone and Joe misses him more than words could ever express.
Days past slowly. Kevin tells him it’ll get better, to hang in there and everything will be okay. Kevin’s a liar. The ache in Joe’s chest only gets worse, until it’s almost unbearable. Every waking moment, every sleepless night, Joe misses Nick.
He would give anything, anything, just to have Nick in his arms again.
In order to get the Anti-Lunds drug banned, Nick has to get the signature of fifty people diagnosed with Lunds Syndrome in the United States. For a brief moment, Nick is terrified and overwhelmed and the task seems impossible. It’s a rare disease; there are only a few dozen couples that have publicly acknowledged their syndrome. Most prefer to keep themselves and their connection private.
Nick’s never given up on something in his life, though, and he isn’t about to start now.
Kevin agrees to go with him. They tell Paul and Denise that they’re going on a trip, to get Nick away from the stress. Denise thinks it’s a wonderful idea, though she makes sure to remind Kevin that Joe isn’t allowed near Nick.
Nick has a list of all the publicly recognized Lunds couples, complete with their addresses and phone numbers. There’re thirty-two people on his list. His signature is already at the top of the petition and Kevin will take it to Joe when they’re got the rest, so he still needs to find at least eight more couples.
He’s going to do this, he’s going to win, and he’s going to get Joe back. He just needs to keep telling himself that.
The first people on Nick’s list are Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles.
Jared answers the door when Nick knocks. He smiles brightly at Nick, but his eyes are guarded. Nick tries to smile back, but it’s been months since he’s smiled and he doesn’t really remember how.
Nick holds up his petition. “I need you to sign this. It’s a petition against Parapheteral, a medicine designed to separate Lunds pairs.”
Jared’s eyes widen and he sags against the doorway, “That exists?”
Nick nods, “It’s experimental right now, but they think it’s a cure. They want to apply it to every new Lunds case as they pop up.”
Jared squints at him, “You’re a Jonas Brother.”
Nick nods, “My brother imprinted on me when I was born. The injected us with the medicine. They… they ripped him away from me.”
Jared holds out his hand immediately, “You got a pen?”
Nick nods. All he can feel is relief.
“Jen!” Jared calls over his shoulder, “Jensen, man, c’mere. You gotta sign this petition.”
Jensen Ackles looks a lot like his brother, only younger and a lot prettier. Nick’s never been attracted to anyone but Joe, but he thinks that if he could feel such things, he’d be attracted to Jensen.
He doesn’t say anything, just scans the petition and then looks up with knitted eyebrows, “They can’t do this.”
“They can. They have.” Nick tells him. Kevin, remaining silent beside him, hugs Nick from behind but Nick cringes away from it. It’s not the same when it’s not Joe.
Jared catches Jensen’s hand in his own. Nick’s eyes track the movement, watching as they shift automatically so their skin is touching as much as possible. Nick would bet they aren’t even aware of it. He’s nearly sick with envy.
“They could do that to us, Jen.” Jared whispers, in a voice that’s wrecked with fear. Jensen visibly shudders at the thought alone and takes the pen from Jared. His name is a messy scrawl and Nick thinks two down. Only forty-six more to go.
Jared asks him to wait a minute and disappears into the house. Nick and Jensen stare at each other awkwardly before a big dog tries to barrel outside and Jensen has to grab it by the collar to keep it from escaping. By time he has the dog under control, Jared’s returning.
He hands Nick a list. Eight names, four addresses. Nick’s heart races.
“The first two are my aunt and uncle and the others are friends we’ve meet. They’ll sign. Jen and I will do what we can, see if we can get people to come forward.”
If Nick were the hugging type, he would definitely be hugging the life out of Jared Padalecki. He’s tempted to, anyway, even if that’s always been more Joe’s thing than Nick’s.
Kevin hugs Nick tight and Nick can feel his grin against his neck. “We’re gonna win, Nick.” Kevin promises. For a brief moment, it’s almost like having Joe back.
Kevin had told Joe that he was taking Nick across the country, but he didn’t really say why and Joe was too fucked up to care. Kevin’s gone for eight weeks. Joe hasn’t looked in the mirror lately, but he can’t really remember the last time he showered, it’s been months since he shaved, and he’s wasted away to just about nothing.
Frankie has taken to riding his bike over twice a week or so. He brings food and makes Joe eat, forces him to brush his teeth and change his clothes, and sometimes he even gets Joe to shower. He gets mad, once, and punches Joe in the arm, leaves a surprisingly dark bruise, and yells, “You can’t just kill yourself!”
Joe doesn’t think he has much to live for, though. He can’t bring himself to care. He almost wishes death would come. He can’t live like this anymore, alone and without Nick.
When Kevin shows up after those eight weeks, Joe’s surprised. Kevin stares at him in horror before he manhandles him into the bathroom and holds him hostage there until he’s showered and shaved. Afterwards, Kevin throws himself down on Joe’s second-hand couch and bounces in place.
He holds out a folder and Joe sighs, but takes it. The first thing he sees is Nick’s signature. It makes him sit up and pay attention.
It’s a petition, Joe realizes, against the drug that had separated them. Nick’s been fighting. Joe flips through the pages and realizes with a start it’s more than that. Nick’s been winning.
“He’s got a couple thousand online signatures, too. From different countries and everything.”
Joe looks up, “This is what you were doing? Collecting signatures?”
“Nick’s got a lawyer. He said Nick needed fifty signatures, at least.”
Joe looks back down at the paper. “There’s over three hundred.”
“Nick’s got some new friends. They don’t all have Lunds. The ones that are starred are doctors and psychologists that specialize in Lunds syndrome and think that the drug would have detrimental effects. Nick wanted you to see, and you to sign.”
“Do you have a pen?”
He’s insanely proud. Nick, his beautiful, passionate, wonderful Nick, has gone out and fought for what he believes in, while Joe has sat in his crappy apartment and drowned in self-pity. He’d feel foolish, expect Nick has always been like that and he can’t feel anything but love and pride and adoration for his brother.
He signs with a flourish.
Denise cries and Paul stares at the judge with a blank face. Kevin and Frankie are both seated to the right of Nick in silent support. Josh Ackles sits to his left, back straight and shoulders back, a pillar of calm.
Nick thinks he might throw up. He won’t be eighteen for another four months and he honestly can’t handle being apart from Joe for that length of time. For the first time, he hadn’t fought the bi-monthly injection of the Parapheteral drug that kept him away from Joe. He accepted it with the hopeful knowledge that it would be the last time he’d ever be subjected to it.
His parents’ lawyer is concluding his speech. “The truth of the matter is that Nicholas Jonas is still a minor. He cannot be expected to know what is best. Denise and Paul only have the best of intentions. Lunds Syndrome was killing their sons and the Parapheteral drug saved both of their lives.”
The lawyer sits down and Josh stands. He holds up a folder. “A petition to ban the Parapheteral drug. You will find the signatures of 144 Lunds pairs living in the United States. That would be 288 individual signatures. Furthermore there are eighteen signatures of psychologists and seventy-eight doctors that specialize in Lunds Syndrome.” Josh holds up another folder. “The same petition, set up online. There are over five thousand electronic signatures from thirty-six different countries.” He holds up three folders. “Three testimonies of three different psychologists regarding Nicholas’ current mindset. You will see that all of them agree that separating a Lunds pair, especially a pair that have been together as long Nicholas and Joseph have been, is detrimental to their health. It’s traumatizing.”
Josh glances over at Nick. There’s a silent question in his eyes and Nick nods. Yes, he’s sure. Yes, he’s ready.
“Nicholas would also like to speak.”
Nick stands up when the judge nods. He walks up to the stand, swears to tell the truth, and takes his seat. He takes a deep breath and pointedly keeps his eyes off his mother. He looks up at the judge instead, begging her to understand.
“I can remember sitting in class… I think I was around seven? It was right before Frankie was born. But, I was sitting in class and I started tasting chocolate. It was like I’d just eaten a giant piece of cake. At lunch time, I found out a kid in Joe’s class had brought in cupcakes for their birthday. I can remember Joe went through this haunted house once, but I didn’t want to. I sat outside with Frankie, but Joe got so scared that I screamed.”
“Mr. Jonas, where is this going?” The judge asked, with a quizzical frown.
“I’m saying that Lunds Syndrome is more than… than just some stupid pheromone connection. Joe was literally in my head. We were a part of one another. One entity that was split in two. That was us. And then… And then he was gone. Joe’s gone and I can’t… I can’t breathe and I can’t think and I can’t… can’t smile or laugh or feel anything but loneliness and the aching loss of the rest of my soul. All I want is to stop taking the drug that was forced upon us against our will. I just want him back.” Nick pauses and glances at his parents’ lawyer, “And I’m seventeen. I’ve been making medical decisions about myself since I was thirteen and diagnosed with diabetes. I am capable of knowing what I want and deciding what is best for me -and for Joe -without the help of my parents.”
The judge cocks her head for a moment and then she nods. “I’ve decided. Nicholas Jonas will be considered emancipated from his parents and treated as an adult in the eyes of the law. Neither he, nor his brother, will be required to take the Parapheteral drug unless they so choose to. I will be forwarding those petitions and the psychologists’ testimonies to be looked at by the FDA.”
Nick closes his eyes as relief floods him.
Joe answers the door expecting Kevin.
His heart skips a beat at the sight of Nick, standing there. He can’t quite believe it, like maybe he’s finally fully lost his mind and is imagining Nick being there just because he wants it so much. But then Nick smiles, crooked and beautiful and perfect, and Joe knows.
He’s real. Nick’s really standing there, right before him.
“Nicky,” tears from his throat, sounding cracked and broken and so fucking desperate.
It’s been months.
“I’ve been emancipated. And I stopped taking the drug, so. So, it might kill us but.”
Joe doesn’t need him to finish the sentence because Joe knows. He’d really rather die than spend his life without Nick.
Slowly, Joe reaches out with a shaking hand. He touches Nick's cheek, soft and tender as if Nick is made of fragile glass. Nick's skin sparks and tingles beneath Joe's, his heart stuttering and lungs seizing as they automatically adjust to match Joe's once again.
Joe can imagine it hurts, Nick’s heart stopping and faltering, his lungs freezing in his chest. Joe can see him struggle for breath, can imagine the burn as the long seconds pass but Nick smiles like it’s the best feeling in the world. Joe takes a deep breath in, watches Nick’s chest expand as he inhales as well.
Joe's eyes fall shut, a smile stretching his lips as he breaths in deep again and focuses on the feel of Nick. Nick's skin warm against his own, Nick's breathing an echo of his own, Nick's emotions a swirling vortex as the back of his mind. God, Nick.
Nick tugs and Joe moves with it, their mouths meeting and crushing together. They kiss, hard and desperate and aching, as if they’re starving for it.
Never again, the kiss swears. Never again will we be apart; never again will we be lost. Never again will we be alone.
Fandom: Jonas Brothers
Pairing: Joe/Nick
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Joe and Nick’s connection has always been a double-edged sword. When complications of their disease threaten Joe’s life, their parents make the decision to try experimental medicine that will break the connection, possibly forever.
A/N: The sequel to Under My Skin. Specially dedicated to vanessatolins, whose Christmas gift I never got finished.
Word Count: 5,926
Joe wakes up the way he’s woken up every day for the past seventeen years, with his arms and legs tangled with his brother’s, their faces turned towards one another and their lips nearly touching, sharing the same air. Their chests are pressed together, their hearts beating in perfect rhythm, their lungs expanding and contracting in sync. Joe inhales, Nick inhales. Nick exhales, Joe exhales.
Joe is dragged towards consciousness, opens his eyes at the exact moment Nick does. He smiles sleepily and Nick returns it, presses forward to kiss Joe’s lips before they break apart to get dressed.
They haven’t been like this for long, sharing kisses and the intimate touches they had always been told were forbidden, and yet Joe can’t really remember a time when they didn’t. He loves Nick, so truly and completely, that he’s sure their lives were always leading to this point.
Nick believes that he was given to Joe. That God meant for them to have this, to love one another so much. Otherwise, he says, why connect their hearts? Nothing else makes sense.
Joe thinks he’s right, except he doesn’t think Nick was given to Joe as a reward for anything. Nick is amazing and beautiful and talented and perfect. Joe believes that Nick was given to him so that Joe would protect him and love him. Nick is a gift, the surest sign Joe has that there is a God and he is a loving, giving God.
They’re lucky, Joe thinks as Nick crushes their lips together and pushes Joe back onto the bed. They’re lucky to have one another, lucky to have Lunds. He wouldn’t change it for the world.
Nick has been feeling odd all day. His levels are out of whack, he’s tired, lethargic, and his limbs ache. He’s got a fever, his head pounding, and he can’t concentrate on much. He sits at the table, Joe slumped next to him in echoing discomfort, their fingers tangled together , and watches through heavy eyes as their mother makes them soup.
She presses her hand to Nick’s head, and then takes the thermometer from Joe’s mouth and glances at it. She clicks her tongue and turns to a cabinet, pulling two glasses down and setting them on the counter. Seconds later they’re both filled with juice -apple for Joe, orange for Nick -and Denise gives them both a look that tells them to drink it all with no complaints.
Joe makes a face but sips at his juice without an argument. Nick drinks a little and then pulls out his kit to check his levels again. His blood sugar has sky rocketed high enough that he may need to go to the hospital if he can’t bring it down.
“Joe, can you get me my insulin from the fridge?” Nick asks, voice a low, slurring mumble.
Joe nods and stands up, takes one step towards the refrigerator.
Nick’s vision swims, goes fuzzy and dark and he clutches at the table top as he watches Joe crumble to the floor. With sudden, horrible clarity he realizes it wasn’t his illness they were dealing with.
It was Joe.
Nick reaches blindly for Joe, his body screaming for his brother. Dimly, he can hear his mother’s horrified scream, as the world goes black. Nick falls sideways off of his chair, one hand stretched out towards Joe but their lax bodies too far apart to touch.
Joe wakes slowly. He doesn’t have the energy to open his eyes, body sore all over. He can feel Nick in the bed with him, but there’re heavy fabrics between them. Joe can feel Nick trying to fight to touch him and Joe moves as best he can to assist.
Their hands finally connect and they both sigh in relief. Joe can at last open his eyes, twists his head so he can see his brother.
Nick is pale, his lips colorless, and there are dark circles under his eyes. He looks exhausted and ill, his eyes heavy lidded as if he barely has the strength to keep them open. Joe fights harder against the blankets to get to his brother.
“Joe? Joe, honey, stop moving. Just relax, okay? Just relax.”
Joe can recognize his mother’s voice and he shakes his head. No, he has to get to Nick. He has to make Nick feel better. Nick squeezes his hand and Joe stills at the silent request.
“Mom?” Nick croaks, “Mom, help.”
“Baby, what is it? What’s wrong?”
“Can’t touch,” Nick rasps. Joe notices that his lips are dry and cracked. He flickers his tongue out and realizes his own are, as well.
Does he look as bad as Nick?
Denise’s hands are suddenly helping, pulling the blankets away so that Joe and Nick can curl together. They’re both in thin hospital gowns and Nick tangles their bare legs together as Joe pulls him as close as possible, pressing their cheeks together.
“Wha’s goin’ on?” Joe mumbles. His eyes drop but he fights to keep awake.
“It’s the Lunds, honey,” Denise tells them. “Your body has stopped producing insulin, like Nick’s. The doctors are having a really hard time regulating your blood sugar. If we give you insulin, Nick’s levels drop. If we give Nick sugar, yours skyrocket.”
Nick clutches at Joe. This is their biggest fear. Joe can feel Nick’s panic as it whelms up and before either can ask anything more, the darkness pulls them back under.
Nick can’t keep awake. Between his own lack of energy and Joe’s, they’re awake for only a few minutes at a time for close to six weeks. He’s aware that the doctors are scrambling to treat them, that the chances are not in their favor.
Nick looks into Joe’s eyes. They’re dark, frightened. Nick doesn’t know where his fear ends and Joe’s begin, they blur together in his mind.
“Are we gonna die?” Nick can barely talk. His throat is dry, raw and scratchy, lips cracked and sore. He doesn’t think he’s spoken in a while, but it’s impossible to know exactly how long.
Joe squeezes his hand, “I don’t know, Nicky.”
“If we die, will it be at the same time?”
“I hope so.”
Joe’s pancreas shut down at the beginning of October and it’s a week before Christmas before the doctors figure out a way to treat them. Joe wakes up feeling surprisingly good, looks over and shares a hopeful grin with his brother. Nick’s face immediately falls into a frown, but Nick’s kind of a “glass half empty” kind of guy, so Joe won’t let it bother him.
Someone had hung a sprig of mistletoe above the door to their private room. Joe catches sight of it two days after they first awoke with the ability to hold their eyes open longer than an hour. Their room is usually bustling with people -Kevin running on and on about what they’ve missed, Denise fussing over their blankets, Paul quoting scripture for them to find hope in, Frankie cracking jokes and being awesome, doctors and nurses and an endless array of people drawing blood and taking their temperatures and checking their levels.
Joe grows sick of it quickly. He wants to kiss Nick, assure him that they’re going to be okay. He can’t do that with all these people around.
Finally, on Christmas Eve, they get a break. Their parents and Kevin assure them they’ll be back first thing in the morning, with presents and everything. Joe drags Nick up and out of bed, even though they aren’t supposed to get up.
Nick laughs as Joe positions them underneath the mistletoe and Joe kisses his smile. It’s a perfect moment, before the alarms start sounding. The brothers jump apart and a nurse bustles in, scowling and ordering them back to bed.
Joe got his kiss, though.
It’s just after New Year’s and they’re getting tired more quickly again. Denise and Paul have been speaking with the doctors, fast and furious but just out of hearing distance. Nick’s not sure what they’re planning, but he’s sure it isn’t good.
When Denise comes into their room one afternoon, smiling brighter than she has since before they became ill, Nick feels sick to his stomach.
“Wonderful news! Dr. Breckenridge thinks he’s found a way to treat you.”
Joe perks up next to him, “Really?”
“Yes. He’s suggested an experimental medicine that will, hopefully, suppress the hormones that keep your bodies in sync.”
It takes Nick a moment to decipher that. When he gets it, his jaw drops open, “You want to separate us!”
“I know it’s a big change, sweetheart, but it’ll be better in the long run. This way you’ll both be able to live normal lives.”
“Screw that!” Joe objects loudly, “You’re not doing this to us!”
“Joseph, this syndrome is killing you both!”
“Then let it!” Joe shouts. Nick whole-heartedly agrees. He’d rather die with Joe than lose him.
“Joseph! Enough of that.” Denise presses the button to call the nurse’s station, “Could you tell Dr. Breckenridge we’re ready for him?”
“What? Mom, no! We don’t want it!” Joe yells, trying to fight his way out of the blankets. The doctor sweeps into the room like he was waiting just outside and Nick starts to panic.
They can’t do this. They can’t take Joe away from him.
“Wait!” Nick finally finds his voice, “Wait, Mom, you can’t do this.”
“Honey, I know you’re scared, but it’ll be okay. This is the answer I’ve prayed for.”
“Prayed? Mom, you think God wants us separated? That isn’t God’s will!”
“Nicholas!” Denise gasps, looking scandalized. The doctor moves closer and Nick shies away from the needle in his hand.
“Stay away from him, you sonnovabitch!” Joe yells, pulling Nick closer. They don’t have anywhere to run and the needle slides into Nick’s skin like butter.
Nick screams and Joe throws a punch at the doctor.
The drug is immediate, swirling into Nick’s veins. Everything goes black.
Something isn’t right.
Joe wakes up with a sense of wrongwrongwrong. He reaches for his brother without thought, knows that Nick’s skin will settle the sick feeling in his stomach. His hand finds nothing but cold sheets.
Joe bolts upright in bed. He’s still in the private room at the hospital, but Nick is nowhere to be seen.
“Nick!”
It’s futile to yell, but Joe finds himself doing so anyway. He shoves his blankets off his lap and jerks the IV from the back of his hand. His legs are like jelly when they hit the floor, his knees weak, but he stumbles over to the door and jerks it open anyway.
“Joe!” Kevin runs down the hall, catching Joe as he falls through the doorway. “Dude, what are you doing? You shouldn’t be out of bed yet!”
“Where’s Nick?” Joe can’t think of anything but his brother. Nick’s not there, Joe can’t find him or feel him. He’s not there and Joe can’t handle that. “Where’s Nicky?”
“He’s in a different room. Dr. Breckenridge thought it was best to separate you guys when you’re hearts started separate rhythms.”
Joe jerks, feeling like he’d been punched in the gut. “We don’t match anymore?”
Kevin’s eyes soften, “Let’s get you back to bed.”
“No. No, I need to see Nick. I can’t… Kev, please. Please, I need Nick.”
“Okay. Okay, let me just… Find a wheel chair. But, you still aren’t well. I mean, you’ve been out for a week.”
“A week?” It’s unfathomable. A week without Nick?
Joe can’t think past his need to see, to touch, his brother. Kevin helps him into a wheelchair and starts down the hall, while Joe closes his eyes and tries his hardest to find that small part of Nick that has always existed within him.
He can’t find it. It’s like a part of his soul has been ripped away and Joe feels like crying.
Part of him is already screaming.
The first thing Nick is aware of is that he’s very alone.
In all of his life, Nick has never truly been alone. Since the day he was born, he has always had Joe. Joe in his bed at night, against his skin during the day, in his heart and sharing his breath. Always there, as steady and sure as Nick’s heartbeat.
Even when he was younger, when he’d get mad at Joe for something silly and stupid, he never once wished for Joe to be gone. He’s never wished for Joe to not be there. It’d be like wishing your own arm away: stupid and silly and unheard of.
Nick knows before he opens his eyes that Joe isn’t there.
He knows it by the chill that clings to his skin, a cold that Joe’s body heat always chased away. He knows it by the beat of his own heart, too fast and off-kilter. He can’t even recognize it, though it pounds loudly in his ears.
“Nick? Nicholas, sweetheart, can you open your eyes for me?”
Nick recognizes his mother’s voice. The feelings she invokes in him, though, are new. Anger, fury. Hate.
Nick has never hated before, and certainly never hated his mother.
But she stole Joe away from him and he hates her for it.
Nick’s suddenly aware that his chest is growing tight. He can’t draw in a breath, can’t even remember how. His eyes fly open as he opens his mouth and gasps like a fish, beginning to panic as he can’t draw a breath.
“Nick!”
That’s Joe.
Nick reaches out and Joe takes his hand, pushes into his line of sight.
“What’s happening?” Denise sounds frantic.
“He hasn’t breathed on his own since he was born,” Joe sneers it, sharp and harsh. There’s hate in Joe’s voice, too, even as his fingers gently brush Nick’s hair from his face. His familiar touch is soothing and some of Nick’s panic eases. “Nick, listen to me. Listen to my breathing and match it. I know you can do it. Just like before.”
Nick lets his eyes shut. He easily picks up on Joe’s breathing, as he always has by instinct. Matching it is easy, simple. Within a few seconds, Nick’s breathing is normal again and he can open his eyes.
“Joe.”
“I’m here.” Joe promises. “You aren’t alone.”
Nick clutches at Joe, pulls him closer. The tears come without warning, great sobs that shake him and Joe both. There’s wetness in his hair, dripping onto his neck, and Nick knows that Joe’s crying to.
What’s been done to them? And how can they fix it?
“This is ridiculous. Joe, Nick needs his rest.” Denise sighs. Nick doesn’t look at her, his face still buried in Joe’s neck, and Joe doesn’t move away from his brother. Kevin rolls back and forth in Joe’s abandoned wheelchair. “Joseph.”
“I’m not leaving him!” Joe snaps. “Just go away, you’ve done enough.”
“Joe,” Kevin objects. Joe glances over at him, but Kevin doesn’t look angry. He looks nervous and uneasy, but not upset.
Denise drew herself up. “I know that you’re angry with me, and that’s okay. Already, your body is producing insulin again!”
“And Nick can’t breathe right,” Joe twisted around to look at his mother, glaring fiercely. “His heart rate is irregular. It’s too fast. He’s stressed out and scared and that’s doing fuck all to his levels.”
“Language! Don’t curse at your mother!” Paul spoke up for the first time.
Joe didn’t apologize, didn’t feel even a bit chastised. He continued, his voice growing angrier, “You don’t understand. You don’t understand what it’s like, to always have someone. To have them be a part of you and then have them taken away. You did that to us!” Joe can hear his voice rising, can feel the tears sting again, “I’m not angry with you, I hate you!”
“Alright,” Paul’s voice is deadly quiet. “Alright, son. If that’s the way you feel. We don’t allow hate in our house, though. I’ll have security escort you to your own room. Hate is not something Nick needs to be exposed to right now.”
“You aren’t listening,” Joe blinks the tears from his eyes as they start to blur the room, “I’m not leaving him again!”
Nick shudders against him, fingers digging into his skin.
Paul keeps to his word, though. He calls security, but it takes four of the men to drag Joe away from Nick, both teenagers screaming and fighting. There are scratches down Joe’s arms from Nick’s nails as they drag Nick off of him. Paul and Denise stand back and Kevin tries to run in and help.
“Stop! Can’t you see its hurting them!”
But they don’t stop.
“Mr. Jonas? Mr. Ackles will see you now.”
Nick looks up at the woman’s voice. The plate on her desk reads “Isabelle Davis: Secretarial Assistant”. The first thing Nick had noticed was the ring on her left finger, diamond shining. Nick’s own hand was bare now.
“Thank you.” Nick finally says, standing up and starting towards the door to Joshua Ackles’ office. He pauses, his hand on the door handle, and reminds himself to breath (deep breath in, slow exhale out. Deep breath in, slow exhale out) before he steps into the office.
“Mr. Jonas, come in and have a seat. I must admit that I’m rather… surprised you requested to meet with me. I’ve never worked with a famous person before.” The lawyer greets him, smiling. Mr. Ackles has dark hair, graying at the temples, that was just slightly wavy. He had green eyes and freckles, glasses settled on his nose, and a round face.
Nick sits in the proffered chair before Mr. Ackles’ desk. “Your brother is Jensen Ackles, right?”
Mr. Ackles frowns, “What does Jensen have to do with any of this?”
“Your brother has Lunds Syndrome. His partner is Jared Padalecki.”
“Yes, he imprinted… almost five years ago. What’s this about?”
“I have Lunds Syndrome, too. My brother imprinted on me when I was born; he was three. That was seventeen years ago.”
Mr. Ackles nods, “Alright, but I’m not going to arrange a meeting with Jensen just for that.”
“That isn’t what I want. I need your help to emancipate myself from my parents and to get an experimental medicine declared illegal.”
“Mr. Jonas,” Mr. Ackles says, slowly, “I think you’re going to have to explain.”
Nick nods, “I can do that. I was diagnosed with diabetes when I was thirteen. If you are in anyway aware of how Lunds works, it was only a matter of time before Joe’s body stopped producing insulin, as well. To mimic my physiology. In October, his pancreas began to shut down. The doctors that worked with us couldn’t find a medium between our levels. Giving me insulin spiked Joe’s levels, giving Joe insulin sent mine through the roof. We spent most of the time unconscious and near-death, until December when we started to get better. But, by New Years, it wasn’t working anymore. We were getting tired more easily again and our levels were fluctuating. Our doctor, Dr. Breckenridge, suggested an experimental medicine that, ideally, would cure our Lunds. It would separate us.”
Mr. Ackles leans forward in his chair, “Why would they even be developing something like that?”
“I don’t know. Joe and I both stated we didn’t want to do it. Our Lunds was killing us, but we’d rather die together than be apart like that. It’s… I had never been without Joe, ever. We’re the youngest pair to ever imprint. The day I was born, he touched me and that was that.”
“Jesus. Jensen’s only been with Jared for five years, but they’re apart of one another. They can… finish one another’s sentences. It’s like they know what the other is thinking.”
“In a way, they kind of do. There’s always been this part of me that is Joe. Joe’s emotions, Joe’s heartbeat, just Joe. We said no. We begged them and fought them and they still… They still did it. They gave me the medicine. I passed out, spent a week in a coma, and when I woke up Joe was… gone. They took him away from me.”
“Christ.”
“I couldn’t even breathe. I couldn’t remember how. I’ve never had to; I’ve always just naturally mimicked Joe’s breathing. My heart doesn’t know how to beat anymore. My heartbeat is too fast and it’s irregular. And that part of me, that little piece of Joe, it’s like it’s been ripped away.”
Nick has to pause, squeeze his eyes shut against the torrent of panic and grief and loneliness that threatens to overwhelm him. When he opens his eyes, he’s calm again, at least on the outside.
“Joe yelled at our mother. He screamed at her, that she didn’t understand what she’d done. He said he hated her. He… They have a restraining order against him. He can’t go near me anymore. I can’t even see him.”
Nick’s voice cracks and breaks. He doubles over, tries to fight the tears but he can’t. Mr. Ackles waits patiently for him to get himself back under control.
“Will you help me?” Nick asks, begs.
“Yes.”
Joe isn’t allowed to go home until he apologizes and asks his parents, and God, for forgiveness. As far as he’s concerned, he isn’t the one with something to apologize for. They’re the ones that stole Nick from him.
Kevin finds him an apartment, something small and not to extravagant, but with enough security Joe doesn’t have to fear for his life. Joe likes in, in an abstract way, but he doesn’t call it home. Joe can’t have a home that doesn’t have Nick in it.
Kevin visits him every day. Joe doesn’t know what Kevin tells their parents; he can’t imagine Kevin ever lying to them, but if they know the truth they can’t be too pleased. He brings Frankie with him every now and again, but never Nick.
“He’s still in the hospital.” Kevin reveals one day. Joe asks every day, but Kevin had never given him an answer. Joe’s been out of the hospital for two weeks.
He swallows hard, “Is he okay?”
“He’s getting better. He’s just having a lot of problems… adjusting.” Kevin hesitates, “He misses you.”
“I know.”
And Joe does know. He feels the same way, like a piece of him has been ripped away and lost. Nick’s gone and Joe misses him more than words could ever express.
Days past slowly. Kevin tells him it’ll get better, to hang in there and everything will be okay. Kevin’s a liar. The ache in Joe’s chest only gets worse, until it’s almost unbearable. Every waking moment, every sleepless night, Joe misses Nick.
He would give anything, anything, just to have Nick in his arms again.
In order to get the Anti-Lunds drug banned, Nick has to get the signature of fifty people diagnosed with Lunds Syndrome in the United States. For a brief moment, Nick is terrified and overwhelmed and the task seems impossible. It’s a rare disease; there are only a few dozen couples that have publicly acknowledged their syndrome. Most prefer to keep themselves and their connection private.
Nick’s never given up on something in his life, though, and he isn’t about to start now.
Kevin agrees to go with him. They tell Paul and Denise that they’re going on a trip, to get Nick away from the stress. Denise thinks it’s a wonderful idea, though she makes sure to remind Kevin that Joe isn’t allowed near Nick.
Nick has a list of all the publicly recognized Lunds couples, complete with their addresses and phone numbers. There’re thirty-two people on his list. His signature is already at the top of the petition and Kevin will take it to Joe when they’re got the rest, so he still needs to find at least eight more couples.
He’s going to do this, he’s going to win, and he’s going to get Joe back. He just needs to keep telling himself that.
The first people on Nick’s list are Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles.
Jared answers the door when Nick knocks. He smiles brightly at Nick, but his eyes are guarded. Nick tries to smile back, but it’s been months since he’s smiled and he doesn’t really remember how.
Nick holds up his petition. “I need you to sign this. It’s a petition against Parapheteral, a medicine designed to separate Lunds pairs.”
Jared’s eyes widen and he sags against the doorway, “That exists?”
Nick nods, “It’s experimental right now, but they think it’s a cure. They want to apply it to every new Lunds case as they pop up.”
Jared squints at him, “You’re a Jonas Brother.”
Nick nods, “My brother imprinted on me when I was born. The injected us with the medicine. They… they ripped him away from me.”
Jared holds out his hand immediately, “You got a pen?”
Nick nods. All he can feel is relief.
“Jen!” Jared calls over his shoulder, “Jensen, man, c’mere. You gotta sign this petition.”
Jensen Ackles looks a lot like his brother, only younger and a lot prettier. Nick’s never been attracted to anyone but Joe, but he thinks that if he could feel such things, he’d be attracted to Jensen.
He doesn’t say anything, just scans the petition and then looks up with knitted eyebrows, “They can’t do this.”
“They can. They have.” Nick tells him. Kevin, remaining silent beside him, hugs Nick from behind but Nick cringes away from it. It’s not the same when it’s not Joe.
Jared catches Jensen’s hand in his own. Nick’s eyes track the movement, watching as they shift automatically so their skin is touching as much as possible. Nick would bet they aren’t even aware of it. He’s nearly sick with envy.
“They could do that to us, Jen.” Jared whispers, in a voice that’s wrecked with fear. Jensen visibly shudders at the thought alone and takes the pen from Jared. His name is a messy scrawl and Nick thinks two down. Only forty-six more to go.
Jared asks him to wait a minute and disappears into the house. Nick and Jensen stare at each other awkwardly before a big dog tries to barrel outside and Jensen has to grab it by the collar to keep it from escaping. By time he has the dog under control, Jared’s returning.
He hands Nick a list. Eight names, four addresses. Nick’s heart races.
“The first two are my aunt and uncle and the others are friends we’ve meet. They’ll sign. Jen and I will do what we can, see if we can get people to come forward.”
If Nick were the hugging type, he would definitely be hugging the life out of Jared Padalecki. He’s tempted to, anyway, even if that’s always been more Joe’s thing than Nick’s.
Kevin hugs Nick tight and Nick can feel his grin against his neck. “We’re gonna win, Nick.” Kevin promises. For a brief moment, it’s almost like having Joe back.
Kevin had told Joe that he was taking Nick across the country, but he didn’t really say why and Joe was too fucked up to care. Kevin’s gone for eight weeks. Joe hasn’t looked in the mirror lately, but he can’t really remember the last time he showered, it’s been months since he shaved, and he’s wasted away to just about nothing.
Frankie has taken to riding his bike over twice a week or so. He brings food and makes Joe eat, forces him to brush his teeth and change his clothes, and sometimes he even gets Joe to shower. He gets mad, once, and punches Joe in the arm, leaves a surprisingly dark bruise, and yells, “You can’t just kill yourself!”
Joe doesn’t think he has much to live for, though. He can’t bring himself to care. He almost wishes death would come. He can’t live like this anymore, alone and without Nick.
When Kevin shows up after those eight weeks, Joe’s surprised. Kevin stares at him in horror before he manhandles him into the bathroom and holds him hostage there until he’s showered and shaved. Afterwards, Kevin throws himself down on Joe’s second-hand couch and bounces in place.
He holds out a folder and Joe sighs, but takes it. The first thing he sees is Nick’s signature. It makes him sit up and pay attention.
It’s a petition, Joe realizes, against the drug that had separated them. Nick’s been fighting. Joe flips through the pages and realizes with a start it’s more than that. Nick’s been winning.
“He’s got a couple thousand online signatures, too. From different countries and everything.”
Joe looks up, “This is what you were doing? Collecting signatures?”
“Nick’s got a lawyer. He said Nick needed fifty signatures, at least.”
Joe looks back down at the paper. “There’s over three hundred.”
“Nick’s got some new friends. They don’t all have Lunds. The ones that are starred are doctors and psychologists that specialize in Lunds syndrome and think that the drug would have detrimental effects. Nick wanted you to see, and you to sign.”
“Do you have a pen?”
He’s insanely proud. Nick, his beautiful, passionate, wonderful Nick, has gone out and fought for what he believes in, while Joe has sat in his crappy apartment and drowned in self-pity. He’d feel foolish, expect Nick has always been like that and he can’t feel anything but love and pride and adoration for his brother.
He signs with a flourish.
Denise cries and Paul stares at the judge with a blank face. Kevin and Frankie are both seated to the right of Nick in silent support. Josh Ackles sits to his left, back straight and shoulders back, a pillar of calm.
Nick thinks he might throw up. He won’t be eighteen for another four months and he honestly can’t handle being apart from Joe for that length of time. For the first time, he hadn’t fought the bi-monthly injection of the Parapheteral drug that kept him away from Joe. He accepted it with the hopeful knowledge that it would be the last time he’d ever be subjected to it.
His parents’ lawyer is concluding his speech. “The truth of the matter is that Nicholas Jonas is still a minor. He cannot be expected to know what is best. Denise and Paul only have the best of intentions. Lunds Syndrome was killing their sons and the Parapheteral drug saved both of their lives.”
The lawyer sits down and Josh stands. He holds up a folder. “A petition to ban the Parapheteral drug. You will find the signatures of 144 Lunds pairs living in the United States. That would be 288 individual signatures. Furthermore there are eighteen signatures of psychologists and seventy-eight doctors that specialize in Lunds Syndrome.” Josh holds up another folder. “The same petition, set up online. There are over five thousand electronic signatures from thirty-six different countries.” He holds up three folders. “Three testimonies of three different psychologists regarding Nicholas’ current mindset. You will see that all of them agree that separating a Lunds pair, especially a pair that have been together as long Nicholas and Joseph have been, is detrimental to their health. It’s traumatizing.”
Josh glances over at Nick. There’s a silent question in his eyes and Nick nods. Yes, he’s sure. Yes, he’s ready.
“Nicholas would also like to speak.”
Nick stands up when the judge nods. He walks up to the stand, swears to tell the truth, and takes his seat. He takes a deep breath and pointedly keeps his eyes off his mother. He looks up at the judge instead, begging her to understand.
“I can remember sitting in class… I think I was around seven? It was right before Frankie was born. But, I was sitting in class and I started tasting chocolate. It was like I’d just eaten a giant piece of cake. At lunch time, I found out a kid in Joe’s class had brought in cupcakes for their birthday. I can remember Joe went through this haunted house once, but I didn’t want to. I sat outside with Frankie, but Joe got so scared that I screamed.”
“Mr. Jonas, where is this going?” The judge asked, with a quizzical frown.
“I’m saying that Lunds Syndrome is more than… than just some stupid pheromone connection. Joe was literally in my head. We were a part of one another. One entity that was split in two. That was us. And then… And then he was gone. Joe’s gone and I can’t… I can’t breathe and I can’t think and I can’t… can’t smile or laugh or feel anything but loneliness and the aching loss of the rest of my soul. All I want is to stop taking the drug that was forced upon us against our will. I just want him back.” Nick pauses and glances at his parents’ lawyer, “And I’m seventeen. I’ve been making medical decisions about myself since I was thirteen and diagnosed with diabetes. I am capable of knowing what I want and deciding what is best for me -and for Joe -without the help of my parents.”
The judge cocks her head for a moment and then she nods. “I’ve decided. Nicholas Jonas will be considered emancipated from his parents and treated as an adult in the eyes of the law. Neither he, nor his brother, will be required to take the Parapheteral drug unless they so choose to. I will be forwarding those petitions and the psychologists’ testimonies to be looked at by the FDA.”
Nick closes his eyes as relief floods him.
Joe answers the door expecting Kevin.
His heart skips a beat at the sight of Nick, standing there. He can’t quite believe it, like maybe he’s finally fully lost his mind and is imagining Nick being there just because he wants it so much. But then Nick smiles, crooked and beautiful and perfect, and Joe knows.
He’s real. Nick’s really standing there, right before him.
“Nicky,” tears from his throat, sounding cracked and broken and so fucking desperate.
It’s been months.
“I’ve been emancipated. And I stopped taking the drug, so. So, it might kill us but.”
Joe doesn’t need him to finish the sentence because Joe knows. He’d really rather die than spend his life without Nick.
Slowly, Joe reaches out with a shaking hand. He touches Nick's cheek, soft and tender as if Nick is made of fragile glass. Nick's skin sparks and tingles beneath Joe's, his heart stuttering and lungs seizing as they automatically adjust to match Joe's once again.
Joe can imagine it hurts, Nick’s heart stopping and faltering, his lungs freezing in his chest. Joe can see him struggle for breath, can imagine the burn as the long seconds pass but Nick smiles like it’s the best feeling in the world. Joe takes a deep breath in, watches Nick’s chest expand as he inhales as well.
Joe's eyes fall shut, a smile stretching his lips as he breaths in deep again and focuses on the feel of Nick. Nick's skin warm against his own, Nick's breathing an echo of his own, Nick's emotions a swirling vortex as the back of his mind. God, Nick.
Nick tugs and Joe moves with it, their mouths meeting and crushing together. They kiss, hard and desperate and aching, as if they’re starving for it.
Never again, the kiss swears. Never again will we be apart; never again will we be lost. Never again will we be alone.