Dreaming
Title: Dreaming
Bandom: Jonas Brothers
Pairing: Joe/Nick, mentioned Joe/Demi
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Nick attempts to move on with his life when he no longer has Joe.
A/N: Unbeta'd. Final part of the Tandem Verse: companion to Fake It, sequel to Everything
Word Count:2,154
When Joe walks away from him after marring that bitch, Nick sits in silence for a few long moments before he gets up and drives home. He’s due to turn nineteen in September, but he still sleeps every night in the same bed he did when he was ten, Frankie across the room even though there’s plenty of space with Kevin married and Joe having been living with Demi for months.
His mom keeps giving him brochures about this college and that university and he keeps putting them aside, has been for years. They sit in a careful stack on his desk, usually ignored. Nick plays with the corner of one, feeling the edge of the paper. He can remember going through the same pamphlets with Joe, making plans for their future, their life. The one that they were going to share together, the one that had finally died earlier when Joe had officially chosen her. It makes Nick sick to his stomach.
Nick quickly packs his things. He shoves his clothes into an old duffle bag he hasn’t used since the summer he was twelve and went to church camp with his dad and Frankie, dumps his CDs into a box, carefully zips his laptop into its bag and tucks his iPod into his pocket and spends the most amount of time sorting through his guitars trying to decide which ones he’s going to leave behind.
Finally, he drives away without looking back.
His cell phone rings after barely an hour. It’s his dad, which he was expecting.
“Nick, what’s going on? Where are you? Frankie says your things are missing…”
“Bye, Dad. Tell Mom I love her.”
He hangs up and turns the phone off. He sets his sights for New York. His friend Mitchel lives there, has a place with his brother, and he knows that they’ll let him crash on the couch. Maybe he’ll go to Julliard in the fall, like he wanted to when he was thirteen and still full of dreams.
He can have a life without Joe. He can.
Mitchel sets him up with a job and helps him find an apartment. The job is crap, washing dishes in the back of a café for minimum wage, but its job and it brings in some money. The apartment is even worse. The rent is cheap but it’s in a bad neighborhood, with drug dealers on the corner and a prostitute downstairs. Most of Nick’s money goes to keeping himself healthy, buying food and insulin because he’s not stupid. All he really has is a mattress on the floor and the things he’d packed into his car the day he left home.
He gets accepted into Julliard, which isn’t too much of a surprise. Nick knows he’s got talent when it comes to music. Without Joe, music is all Nick has and he drowns himself in it.
Julliard, as it turns out, is a lifesaver. He gets a full ride, including a dorm room on campus. Nick throws himself into classes. He isn’t too concerned with making friends at first, but he’s surprised to find people like him, people who are focused and sure and all about music.
Nick feels like he could belong, if only he wasn’t torn in half. He misses Joe daily, like he’d miss a limb.
It’s almost six months before Nick calls home. Frankie answers on the second ring. He acts like nothing’s wrong, like he talked to Nick just yesterday. Nick’s reminded again how awesome his little brother is and wishes he hadn’t needed the reminder.
Nick lets him babble for an hour, about how he finally convinced their parents to let him go to public school and how he likes this girl in his class, until Nick hears his mother in the background, asking who’s on the phone. When Frankie answers, Nick suddenly finds himself talking to her.
“Nick? Baby, is that you?” Nick winces at the note of hysterics in his mom’s voice. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, never meant that.
“Yah, Mom.”
“Oh, thank God! We’ve been so worried! Joe’s just beside himself.”
Nick flinches and he’s glad his mother can’t see him. “How’s Kev? And Dad?”
“Kevin’s fine, dear. Danny’s pregnant again; isn’t that wonderful! Demi’s pregnant, too.”
Nick feels like he’s been punched in the gut, “I’ve got to go.”
“Wait! Where are you? Are you okay?”
“Yah. I’m fine, Mom. I’ll talk to you again, soon.”
“Nick!”
But Nick’s already hung up.
Nick feels like throwing up. He sits in his dorm room, his roommate mercifully absent, with his mother’s voice ringing in his ears.
Demi, the fucking bitch that stole Joe from him, is pregnant. Joe’s gonna be a father.
Nick grabs for the wastebasket next to his desk and empties his stomach.
Nick gets invited home for every holiday until he moves to California and then his mother gives up on asking. He flies back once a year, for 4th of July when he knows that Joe and his wife take their kids (Nick thinks they have two now) to Texas to visit Demi’s family. Frankie flies out to him for Christmas break, though Nick knows his mother doesn’t like being away from two of her children during the holiday, and every other year his parents do so as well.
Nick hasn’t had to see Joe since the day Joe got married, half a dozen years ago.
Nick knows he’s changed. His mother comments on it every time she sees him. He doesn’t care so much, anymore, about the way he looks. He’s the faceless name behind a dozen top music stars, writing the lyrics and composing the music but never taking the credit. He doesn’t need it and he sure doesn’t want it.
His mother is always asking him about the girls he meets. Nick’s never felt the need to tell her he he’s gay. To be honest, he isn’t even sure about that himself, since he’s never really been attracted to anyone but Joe. He can acknowledge when a guy or a girl is particularly good looking, but he never feels anything for them. His mother continues to ask and Nick continues to put her off.
Surprisingly enough, it’s Frankie that first figures it out. Nick always thought Kevin kind of knew, but Frankie actually knows. It’s the end of December, but they’re in California and walking the beach in light jackets. Frankie picks up a shell and doesn’t even ask, just says it like he’s sure.
“You left because of Joe.”
“Most people know that.” Nick frowns because he doesn’t like talking about Joe. It just hurts too bad, even after so long.
“No, because of Joe. You were in love with him, weren’t you?”
Nick flinches.
“You are in love with him.” Frankie corrects himself. “Its okay, Nicky. I don’t mind.”
“You should,” Nick sighs. “It’s wrong. I know that. Joe knows that.”
Frankie’s eyes widen. “How long were you together?”
“Four years, two months, eleven days. That was the first time Joe chose her over me.”
“Demi?”
“Yah.”
“No wonder you hate her.”
Nick shrugs, “I can’t help it.”
“She’s nice, but she doesn’t make Joe happy. He hasn’t been happy without you.”
“It was his choice, Frank.”
Frankie’s sigh echoes Nick. “I wish everyone would stop being stupid.” He continues, completely ignoring Nick’s sharp look, “You should do what makes you happy and screw everything else. If you and Joe make each other happy, why does it matter if you love each other?”
“Because we’re brothers. It’s a sin.”
“I don’t think God would care.”
“Dad would. So would Mom.”
“Well, then, fuck them.”
Nick laughs and hugs Frankie. “Don’t change. Keep that mindset and maybe you can be happy, at least.”
“You deserve to be happy, too, Nicky.”
When his dad gets put in the hospital, Nick knows flying back means seeing Joe for the first time in eight years. He does it anyway, because Kevin whispers that they don’t think their dad’s gonna make it. This is it, the end. Nick’s on the first flight he can catch.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, could compare Nick for seeing Joe again. His hair isn’t straight like it use to be, it curls and flops and Nick can’t even breathe because, God, Joe is still so fucking gorgeous, even at thirty. Nick notices everything in the span of seconds, the lines that have developed around Joe’s eyes and the softness of his middle and the tear tracks on his cheeks.
Joe starts for him the second he sees him, crossing the room before Nick can blink and then they’re hugging, tugging each other as close as humanly possible and choking on tears. Joe’s fingers grip at his hair and lips press against his neck, his ear and for a moment the world stands completely still.
God, Nick loves him now more than ever. It slams into his chest, the knowledge almost painful. Nick can do nothing but squeeze his eyes shut and hold as tight as he can.
Joe’s voice is rough and hoarse, his breath hot against his skin. “Its gonna be okay, Nicky. Everything’s gonna be okay now. Promise.”
Nick wants to believe him, wants to believe him so fucking much, but he can’t. He grips Joe until it has to hurt and ducks his head to press his face into Joe’s shoulder and doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing to say.
Nick gets a hotel room and Joe follows him into it. It’s simple, with a bed and a table with two chairs and TV. Nick can’t think of anything except the night Joe had gotten them a room at this very hotel and they’d made love for hours. He sneaks a glance at Joe, who looks haunted. Joe remembers too.
They don’t leave the bed except to get food. Joe makes him get a haircut and Nick laughs the entire time as Joe reminds him of times when they were kids and Joe had to hold his hand and coax him into getting a haircut. Nick remembers being afraid of getting his hair cut, sure that someone was going to cut his ear off or something.
The funeral is hard and Nick really isn’t surprised that Demi is there. Joe’s kids are beautiful. His boys look just like him, but they both have Demi’s eyes and smile. His little girl is the one that catches Nick’s attention, small and serious and instantly attached to Joe’s side while the boys hang back with Demi.
Joe catches her up and settles her on his hip. “Baby, this is your Uncle Nick.”
“He’s got my name!” the little girl exclaims with wide eyes and Nick nearly chokes on air.
Joe blushes, “Nick, this is my daughter, Nicole.”
Nick’s even further shocked when the girl, who couldn’t be more than two, scowled, “Daddy, its Nikki.”
Joe stays with Nick, an arm around his shoulders and the other keeping little Nikki on his hip. Nick cries and his mother grips his hand tight and Joe kisses the top of his head.
Nikki reaches out and pats his cheek. “Don’t cry. Gwampa’s going to heaven to be with the angels.”
Nick stares at her in wonder.
When Joe doesn’t leave with Demi, Nick finally lets himself believe that, maybe, Joe’s really gonna stay.
Maybe that’s why Nick can’t function after Joe leaves. He falls onto a grassy patch of the hotel’s lawn and sobs, feeling broken.
He fumbles for his phone and calls Frankie, unable to do anything but cry helplessly into the speaker. Frankie is there within minutes. He helps Nick off the ground without question and takes him back to his room.
Nick’s completely wreaked and Frankie doesn’t leave him alone. He stays with him for days without question and when Nick can do more than just lie on the bed that still smells like Joe, Frankie’s still there.
Nick lets Frankie takes him to their parents’. Their mom is still wreaked with grief and hangs onto Nick for long minutes. Nick extracts himself, finally, and climbs the stairs to fall onto his old bed. He immediately dissolved into tears again.
It’s the middle of the night when someone joins him in bed. For one confused minute, Nick can’t figure out why in the hell Frankie’s climbing into bed with him. And then the light outside catches the side of Joe’s face and Nick gasps.
“I’m dreaming.”
“No, Nicky, you’re not.”
“Have to be. You never come back ‘cept in my dreams.”
Joe’s face falls and he rubs his thumb across Nick’s cheek. “You’ve been crying.”
“You left me again.”
“I came back. I’m not going away again, I promise.”
“Really?”
“Yah,” Joe’s answer is whispered against Nick’s lips.
Nick sighs and surrenders, wrapping his arms around Joe’s neck. If he is dreaming, he hopes he dies in his sleep.
Bandom: Jonas Brothers
Pairing: Joe/Nick, mentioned Joe/Demi
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Nick attempts to move on with his life when he no longer has Joe.
A/N: Unbeta'd. Final part of the Tandem Verse: companion to Fake It, sequel to Everything
Word Count:2,154
When Joe walks away from him after marring that bitch, Nick sits in silence for a few long moments before he gets up and drives home. He’s due to turn nineteen in September, but he still sleeps every night in the same bed he did when he was ten, Frankie across the room even though there’s plenty of space with Kevin married and Joe having been living with Demi for months.
His mom keeps giving him brochures about this college and that university and he keeps putting them aside, has been for years. They sit in a careful stack on his desk, usually ignored. Nick plays with the corner of one, feeling the edge of the paper. He can remember going through the same pamphlets with Joe, making plans for their future, their life. The one that they were going to share together, the one that had finally died earlier when Joe had officially chosen her. It makes Nick sick to his stomach.
Nick quickly packs his things. He shoves his clothes into an old duffle bag he hasn’t used since the summer he was twelve and went to church camp with his dad and Frankie, dumps his CDs into a box, carefully zips his laptop into its bag and tucks his iPod into his pocket and spends the most amount of time sorting through his guitars trying to decide which ones he’s going to leave behind.
Finally, he drives away without looking back.
His cell phone rings after barely an hour. It’s his dad, which he was expecting.
“Nick, what’s going on? Where are you? Frankie says your things are missing…”
“Bye, Dad. Tell Mom I love her.”
He hangs up and turns the phone off. He sets his sights for New York. His friend Mitchel lives there, has a place with his brother, and he knows that they’ll let him crash on the couch. Maybe he’ll go to Julliard in the fall, like he wanted to when he was thirteen and still full of dreams.
He can have a life without Joe. He can.
Mitchel sets him up with a job and helps him find an apartment. The job is crap, washing dishes in the back of a café for minimum wage, but its job and it brings in some money. The apartment is even worse. The rent is cheap but it’s in a bad neighborhood, with drug dealers on the corner and a prostitute downstairs. Most of Nick’s money goes to keeping himself healthy, buying food and insulin because he’s not stupid. All he really has is a mattress on the floor and the things he’d packed into his car the day he left home.
He gets accepted into Julliard, which isn’t too much of a surprise. Nick knows he’s got talent when it comes to music. Without Joe, music is all Nick has and he drowns himself in it.
Julliard, as it turns out, is a lifesaver. He gets a full ride, including a dorm room on campus. Nick throws himself into classes. He isn’t too concerned with making friends at first, but he’s surprised to find people like him, people who are focused and sure and all about music.
Nick feels like he could belong, if only he wasn’t torn in half. He misses Joe daily, like he’d miss a limb.
It’s almost six months before Nick calls home. Frankie answers on the second ring. He acts like nothing’s wrong, like he talked to Nick just yesterday. Nick’s reminded again how awesome his little brother is and wishes he hadn’t needed the reminder.
Nick lets him babble for an hour, about how he finally convinced their parents to let him go to public school and how he likes this girl in his class, until Nick hears his mother in the background, asking who’s on the phone. When Frankie answers, Nick suddenly finds himself talking to her.
“Nick? Baby, is that you?” Nick winces at the note of hysterics in his mom’s voice. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, never meant that.
“Yah, Mom.”
“Oh, thank God! We’ve been so worried! Joe’s just beside himself.”
Nick flinches and he’s glad his mother can’t see him. “How’s Kev? And Dad?”
“Kevin’s fine, dear. Danny’s pregnant again; isn’t that wonderful! Demi’s pregnant, too.”
Nick feels like he’s been punched in the gut, “I’ve got to go.”
“Wait! Where are you? Are you okay?”
“Yah. I’m fine, Mom. I’ll talk to you again, soon.”
“Nick!”
But Nick’s already hung up.
Nick feels like throwing up. He sits in his dorm room, his roommate mercifully absent, with his mother’s voice ringing in his ears.
Demi, the fucking bitch that stole Joe from him, is pregnant. Joe’s gonna be a father.
Nick grabs for the wastebasket next to his desk and empties his stomach.
Nick gets invited home for every holiday until he moves to California and then his mother gives up on asking. He flies back once a year, for 4th of July when he knows that Joe and his wife take their kids (Nick thinks they have two now) to Texas to visit Demi’s family. Frankie flies out to him for Christmas break, though Nick knows his mother doesn’t like being away from two of her children during the holiday, and every other year his parents do so as well.
Nick hasn’t had to see Joe since the day Joe got married, half a dozen years ago.
Nick knows he’s changed. His mother comments on it every time she sees him. He doesn’t care so much, anymore, about the way he looks. He’s the faceless name behind a dozen top music stars, writing the lyrics and composing the music but never taking the credit. He doesn’t need it and he sure doesn’t want it.
His mother is always asking him about the girls he meets. Nick’s never felt the need to tell her he he’s gay. To be honest, he isn’t even sure about that himself, since he’s never really been attracted to anyone but Joe. He can acknowledge when a guy or a girl is particularly good looking, but he never feels anything for them. His mother continues to ask and Nick continues to put her off.
Surprisingly enough, it’s Frankie that first figures it out. Nick always thought Kevin kind of knew, but Frankie actually knows. It’s the end of December, but they’re in California and walking the beach in light jackets. Frankie picks up a shell and doesn’t even ask, just says it like he’s sure.
“You left because of Joe.”
“Most people know that.” Nick frowns because he doesn’t like talking about Joe. It just hurts too bad, even after so long.
“No, because of Joe. You were in love with him, weren’t you?”
Nick flinches.
“You are in love with him.” Frankie corrects himself. “Its okay, Nicky. I don’t mind.”
“You should,” Nick sighs. “It’s wrong. I know that. Joe knows that.”
Frankie’s eyes widen. “How long were you together?”
“Four years, two months, eleven days. That was the first time Joe chose her over me.”
“Demi?”
“Yah.”
“No wonder you hate her.”
Nick shrugs, “I can’t help it.”
“She’s nice, but she doesn’t make Joe happy. He hasn’t been happy without you.”
“It was his choice, Frank.”
Frankie’s sigh echoes Nick. “I wish everyone would stop being stupid.” He continues, completely ignoring Nick’s sharp look, “You should do what makes you happy and screw everything else. If you and Joe make each other happy, why does it matter if you love each other?”
“Because we’re brothers. It’s a sin.”
“I don’t think God would care.”
“Dad would. So would Mom.”
“Well, then, fuck them.”
Nick laughs and hugs Frankie. “Don’t change. Keep that mindset and maybe you can be happy, at least.”
“You deserve to be happy, too, Nicky.”
When his dad gets put in the hospital, Nick knows flying back means seeing Joe for the first time in eight years. He does it anyway, because Kevin whispers that they don’t think their dad’s gonna make it. This is it, the end. Nick’s on the first flight he can catch.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, could compare Nick for seeing Joe again. His hair isn’t straight like it use to be, it curls and flops and Nick can’t even breathe because, God, Joe is still so fucking gorgeous, even at thirty. Nick notices everything in the span of seconds, the lines that have developed around Joe’s eyes and the softness of his middle and the tear tracks on his cheeks.
Joe starts for him the second he sees him, crossing the room before Nick can blink and then they’re hugging, tugging each other as close as humanly possible and choking on tears. Joe’s fingers grip at his hair and lips press against his neck, his ear and for a moment the world stands completely still.
God, Nick loves him now more than ever. It slams into his chest, the knowledge almost painful. Nick can do nothing but squeeze his eyes shut and hold as tight as he can.
Joe’s voice is rough and hoarse, his breath hot against his skin. “Its gonna be okay, Nicky. Everything’s gonna be okay now. Promise.”
Nick wants to believe him, wants to believe him so fucking much, but he can’t. He grips Joe until it has to hurt and ducks his head to press his face into Joe’s shoulder and doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing to say.
Nick gets a hotel room and Joe follows him into it. It’s simple, with a bed and a table with two chairs and TV. Nick can’t think of anything except the night Joe had gotten them a room at this very hotel and they’d made love for hours. He sneaks a glance at Joe, who looks haunted. Joe remembers too.
They don’t leave the bed except to get food. Joe makes him get a haircut and Nick laughs the entire time as Joe reminds him of times when they were kids and Joe had to hold his hand and coax him into getting a haircut. Nick remembers being afraid of getting his hair cut, sure that someone was going to cut his ear off or something.
The funeral is hard and Nick really isn’t surprised that Demi is there. Joe’s kids are beautiful. His boys look just like him, but they both have Demi’s eyes and smile. His little girl is the one that catches Nick’s attention, small and serious and instantly attached to Joe’s side while the boys hang back with Demi.
Joe catches her up and settles her on his hip. “Baby, this is your Uncle Nick.”
“He’s got my name!” the little girl exclaims with wide eyes and Nick nearly chokes on air.
Joe blushes, “Nick, this is my daughter, Nicole.”
Nick’s even further shocked when the girl, who couldn’t be more than two, scowled, “Daddy, its Nikki.”
Joe stays with Nick, an arm around his shoulders and the other keeping little Nikki on his hip. Nick cries and his mother grips his hand tight and Joe kisses the top of his head.
Nikki reaches out and pats his cheek. “Don’t cry. Gwampa’s going to heaven to be with the angels.”
Nick stares at her in wonder.
When Joe doesn’t leave with Demi, Nick finally lets himself believe that, maybe, Joe’s really gonna stay.
Maybe that’s why Nick can’t function after Joe leaves. He falls onto a grassy patch of the hotel’s lawn and sobs, feeling broken.
He fumbles for his phone and calls Frankie, unable to do anything but cry helplessly into the speaker. Frankie is there within minutes. He helps Nick off the ground without question and takes him back to his room.
Nick’s completely wreaked and Frankie doesn’t leave him alone. He stays with him for days without question and when Nick can do more than just lie on the bed that still smells like Joe, Frankie’s still there.
Nick lets Frankie takes him to their parents’. Their mom is still wreaked with grief and hangs onto Nick for long minutes. Nick extracts himself, finally, and climbs the stairs to fall onto his old bed. He immediately dissolved into tears again.
It’s the middle of the night when someone joins him in bed. For one confused minute, Nick can’t figure out why in the hell Frankie’s climbing into bed with him. And then the light outside catches the side of Joe’s face and Nick gasps.
“I’m dreaming.”
“No, Nicky, you’re not.”
“Have to be. You never come back ‘cept in my dreams.”
Joe’s face falls and he rubs his thumb across Nick’s cheek. “You’ve been crying.”
“You left me again.”
“I came back. I’m not going away again, I promise.”
“Really?”
“Yah,” Joe’s answer is whispered against Nick’s lips.
Nick sighs and surrenders, wrapping his arms around Joe’s neck. If he is dreaming, he hopes he dies in his sleep.