Dreams Of A Madman

[jadedgrayson]

I have three dreams currently on repeat in my brain. Dream I) the same dream I've had since I was 12. I die saving someone. The deaths are various, always painful, and regretfully public (even in my dreams, I wish to die privately, without much to do, but unfortunately, it happens in the public, with the whole world knowing the reasons for my demise). As much as I wouldn't want a single tear shed, due to the public press and their lack of integrity and tact, millions would know of my demise, and most, especially the ones with a tender heart, would cry. Dream II) the dream is of my failures. Over and over again, I'm close...but...just...not...good...enough. It's frustrating, nail biting, moving in slow motion and can't quite do what in any other time or place you could easily do. Again, a nightmare because of the sheer stupidity. And finally, Dream III) I write and write and write. I like my stories, I really do. But, not a single one of them gets out and read until I die. And, seeing as how that's the case, I die, poor and alone, miserable and scared, yet when people read my writing, they don't understand why more people weren't there to help me out, and make me happy near the end.

I don't know why these three dreams seem to have such a control over me. I've tried to change them, and sometimes I succeed, most times I do not. I would like to say Thank You to my friends who came over tonight, though. I was just about to doze off when I heard the crowd getting ready to watch the movie, and the drinking game, with conversation afterward, has completely changed my mood, all for the better. I look forward to tomorrow night.