Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
I'm not sure what happened to our friendship.
I had just come back to live with my parents in their small rural town, after living in Toronto for almost 10 years. I didn't need to drive when I lived in the city, and had let my license lapse. After moving back I had to do the whole process over again, plus I didn't have a car of my own. I was in a raw headspace, depressed and unemployed. I had applied to go back to school but was put on waiting lists and had to reapply for the following year.
We were supposed to hang out, you bailed on me twice by that point - car trouble both times. I was bummed, but we made plans for me to drive down. That morning I got into a fight with my mom and she wouldn't let me borrow her car. You lived 40ish minutes away and I had no way of getting there without being able to borrow my mothers car. I let you know the day of, and I was really upset about it.
Without saying a word, you blocked me absolutely everywhere, unfriended me across all platforms and blocked my number. I was absolutely devastated.
We had been friends for almost 10 years, and it felt like part of me died. I missed you a lot, I tried to figure out what happened from mutual friends but everyone kept silent. I had absolutely no idea what I had done. Over time the pain subsided and I went on with my life. I would think of you from time and to time and hoped that you were doing well - despite what had happened.
Then out of the blue almost 8 years since you ghosted me, I received a friend request. I mulled whether or not I wanted to accept the request for weeks. I talked to my boyfriend about it and he said that I should do what's best for me and my mental health. I decided that I would accept it, I steeled myself for what might happen.
Wishfully, I had hoped that you would explain what happened. Maybe even apologize? None of that happened. You sent me a message but it was just idle chitchat about how you've been and asking me about my life. We chatted back and forth that day, but you never spoke to me again after that.
It had been maybe two years and we haven't spoken. I would see your updates with your happy little family and it was nice from the outside looking in. I didn't have the need to talk to you.
Its dumb, but when I got the notification that you had unfriended me it brought back all those memories from 10 years ago. Like I was reliving it again, and I was sad about it - having to mourn the death again. Which seems stupid considering our renewed connection was barely that.
I don't know if I even want to know why you ghosted me 10 years ago, or even if you'd remember. I'm sorry to have lost that friendship and for anything I did that might have hurt you. I sincerely hope that you have a happy and full life.