(no subject)
I got sick of myself today, so I went for a walk and it made me think and want to write again. I've had too much and too little to say for so long that writing has felt both totally daunting and pointless.
I have not really used my time off to better myself since apps ended. I have strengthened my relationship with Michael a lot and I used Hatherleigh to rekindle my love for editing. But I've stagnated outside of that. I know it's my own fault, and it's shameful. But all I can do is recognize it and try to learn how to do better with my next phase of life.
I keep thinking that grad school will change that, and it will, but only if I remember that I have to be the one that works and does not fall into old habits; a change of scene will not do it for me.
Tufts excites me more than terrifies me these days. Moving logistics scare me, but we are figuring it out and it will be okay. Thinking about leaving my friends and family depresses me; but at the same time I'm so ready to feel like I'm doing something again.
The parents still don't like that Michael's coming with me, but it's no longer an arguable point. And it's good for me to get used to not always pleasing others; I have too much of my mother in me sometimes.
Katy is getting married. Dana is moving up and onward, to Madison with Derek. And I am going to Boston with Michael. I have never liked change. But on to stage two, four, six, twelve and another chance to become more like myself than myself.
-Sarah
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