okay, a real update.
I have some time to kill before I go pick Tim up from work, so here's a real update...
I have two jobs now. So I'm usually busy between 9am to 7pm. Might get about 2 hours to chill at home inbetween the two jobs. So far, it's going pretty well. I'm just trying to make sure I don't get overwhelmed, but it shouldn't be too bad. If I was trying to go to school and work full-time right now or even part-time, I'm sure that would be worse. I've never done the whole two jobs at the same time thing before, so I'm trying it out in hopes that I can keep up with it. It looks probable that I'll be able to handle it...
Things with Tim and I are okay...he works at a year-round costume shop, and naturally October is their busiest month. He's kind of stressed at the moment, but a lot less than last year which is good. The crazy girl at his work is causing more stress and drama, but then again, what else is new? It wouldn't be the same without drama, I guess. I hate people who thrive on conflict like that, it reminds me of my sister. Oh well, at least I don't have to deal with her (the crazy girl)!
I'm still worried about us, though. I'm not sure if he's ever going to be able to step it up and give me all the things I need. And once again I'm in the situation where I'm with someone that I care about, but they're not giving me what I need...but feelings are still there...so it's hard to break away, so I never do. All I know is that my happiness is important to me and I'm the only person who really has to worry about that. Everyone else, it's just optional. It's just hard to have to bring up the same things over and over again that you're not happy about (deja vu) and have them hear it, maybe improve on it for one day, then go back to being the way they were again a few days later (deja vu again). Sometimes I wonder if I should just stay single for a really, really, REALLY long time and be extremely picky...and not date again until it's proven to me that I'll get what I need. But then again...I don't want to give up on Tim, not at all. I just hope something good starts happening soon. I want us to be back on the same page again. I worry about this way too much...
What really sucks is that even when work makes me happy, which is one of the only things that does lately, I still somehow feel down and out and shitty. Like there's always this looming feeling in my head that everything is bad or wrong about my life. I can't seem to shake that lately and it's starting to worry me. I really wish I had health insurance because I would not be opposed to having some professional to talk to...and I would like to see if there is anything I could be prescribed to help with these shitty feelings. I don't know what to do anymore, especially when I hardly have anyone to talk to about this shit and most people don't understand it anyways.
So yeah. Things are up and down with me. Wish they were more stable. Wish I was happier, less anxious, less depressed. I don't know what's going to change that but I hope something happens soon.
I have two jobs now. So I'm usually busy between 9am to 7pm. Might get about 2 hours to chill at home inbetween the two jobs. So far, it's going pretty well. I'm just trying to make sure I don't get overwhelmed, but it shouldn't be too bad. If I was trying to go to school and work full-time right now or even part-time, I'm sure that would be worse. I've never done the whole two jobs at the same time thing before, so I'm trying it out in hopes that I can keep up with it. It looks probable that I'll be able to handle it...
Things with Tim and I are okay...he works at a year-round costume shop, and naturally October is their busiest month. He's kind of stressed at the moment, but a lot less than last year which is good. The crazy girl at his work is causing more stress and drama, but then again, what else is new? It wouldn't be the same without drama, I guess. I hate people who thrive on conflict like that, it reminds me of my sister. Oh well, at least I don't have to deal with her (the crazy girl)!
I'm still worried about us, though. I'm not sure if he's ever going to be able to step it up and give me all the things I need. And once again I'm in the situation where I'm with someone that I care about, but they're not giving me what I need...but feelings are still there...so it's hard to break away, so I never do. All I know is that my happiness is important to me and I'm the only person who really has to worry about that. Everyone else, it's just optional. It's just hard to have to bring up the same things over and over again that you're not happy about (deja vu) and have them hear it, maybe improve on it for one day, then go back to being the way they were again a few days later (deja vu again). Sometimes I wonder if I should just stay single for a really, really, REALLY long time and be extremely picky...and not date again until it's proven to me that I'll get what I need. But then again...I don't want to give up on Tim, not at all. I just hope something good starts happening soon. I want us to be back on the same page again. I worry about this way too much...
What really sucks is that even when work makes me happy, which is one of the only things that does lately, I still somehow feel down and out and shitty. Like there's always this looming feeling in my head that everything is bad or wrong about my life. I can't seem to shake that lately and it's starting to worry me. I really wish I had health insurance because I would not be opposed to having some professional to talk to...and I would like to see if there is anything I could be prescribed to help with these shitty feelings. I don't know what to do anymore, especially when I hardly have anyone to talk to about this shit and most people don't understand it anyways.
So yeah. Things are up and down with me. Wish they were more stable. Wish I was happier, less anxious, less depressed. I don't know what's going to change that but I hope something happens soon.