lol alan dean foster
Today I learned that Luke and Leia are camper-appable after Splinter of the Mind’s Eye. However, upon rereading Splinter, which was written in 1978 and has enough Luke/Leia to “be considered in appropriate in most countries,” I… wow, yeah, that would be pretty epic.
However, reading this book did bring the lulz -- from “vader is the cancer that is killing /tatooine/” to Leia’s voice being a “steel kitten” - so here’s some choice experts from My Happy Adventures In Splinter of the Mind’s Eye.
In depressed moments [Luke] felt sure there was no really happy living matter on any of those worlds. Only a plethora of destructive human diseases which fought and raged constantly against one another, a sequence of cancerous civilizations which fed on its own body, never healing yet somehow not quite dying.
***
[Leia’s] reply was filled with irritation. "My port engine is beginning to generate unequal radiation pulses." Even when bothered, to him that voice was as naturally sweet and pleasing as sugar-laden fruit.
***
"I said I'm leaving, Luke." Nervous, she started to turn and leave.
Without realizing what he was doing, he reached out, slapped her hard across the face, and as heads turned in their direction said loudly, "No favors for you until I'm finished eating!"
***
"But what if Master Luke is correct and there is no station below? We could find ourselves marooned forever on this empty world, without companionship, without knowledge tapes, without... without lubricants!"
***
"I couldn't have made a mistake, Leia. That stirring inside me when I touched it... I've only felt that before in the presence of Obi-wan Kenobi."
***
A tired sucking noise sounded, and the Princess lurched forward. Luke allowed his exhausted arms a brief respite and hyperventilated while he had the chance.
***
Then he happened to glance down at his companion's face. It was not the face of a Princess and a Senator or of a leader of the Rebel Alliance, but instead that of a chilled child. Moistly parted in sleep, her lips seemed to beckon to him. He leaned closer, seeking refuge from the damp green and brown of the swamp in that hypnotic redness.
***
Leaning back, he regarded the mist silently as his father's ancient weapon sucked power....
***
"Swear it!" she demanded, her voice that of a steel kitten.
***
Vader paused in the midst of his fighting, angrily evaluated the way the battle was going. He shook a threatening fist in Luke's general direction.
***
He patted the shaft of his father's weapon reassuringly.
***
"One can do some interesting things with a saber, you know. I'll do my best to show you all of them if you'll cooperate by not passing out."
Leia's hands dropped to her sides. The fear did not leave her, but she forced it into the back alleys of her mind by sheer will. Running the few steps to Luke's side, she knelt and groped at his wrist. When she rose, she was holding the lightsaber carefully in one hand. Vader looked on approvingly. "You're going to fight. Good. That will make it interesting."
She spat at the advancing giant, a pitifully feeble gesture as she brandished the lightsaber. "The Force give me leave to kill you before I die," she snarled.
Ah awful coughing laugh issued from behind the gargoylish breath mask. "Foolish infant. The Force is with me, not you. But," he shrugged amiably, "we will see." He assumed a position of readiness. "Come, girl-woman... amuse me."
***
"I'm sorry," he murmured, turning his head to where the Princess lay crumpled on the temple floor. "I'm sorry, Leia. I loved you.
***
Luke's motionless form was enveloped in a rich, red bath of light. In his hands the crystal shone with a brilliance unnatural. Nor was the light still. It shifted, fluttered, ran over him like a live thing. It sought out every extremity, each finger and follicle, like the St. Elmo's fire of old on the rigging of a sailing ship.
However, reading this book did bring the lulz -- from “vader is the cancer that is killing /tatooine/” to Leia’s voice being a “steel kitten” - so here’s some choice experts from My Happy Adventures In Splinter of the Mind’s Eye.
In depressed moments [Luke] felt sure there was no really happy living matter on any of those worlds. Only a plethora of destructive human diseases which fought and raged constantly against one another, a sequence of cancerous civilizations which fed on its own body, never healing yet somehow not quite dying.
***
[Leia’s] reply was filled with irritation. "My port engine is beginning to generate unequal radiation pulses." Even when bothered, to him that voice was as naturally sweet and pleasing as sugar-laden fruit.
***
"I said I'm leaving, Luke." Nervous, she started to turn and leave.
Without realizing what he was doing, he reached out, slapped her hard across the face, and as heads turned in their direction said loudly, "No favors for you until I'm finished eating!"
***
"But what if Master Luke is correct and there is no station below? We could find ourselves marooned forever on this empty world, without companionship, without knowledge tapes, without... without lubricants!"
***
"I couldn't have made a mistake, Leia. That stirring inside me when I touched it... I've only felt that before in the presence of Obi-wan Kenobi."
***
A tired sucking noise sounded, and the Princess lurched forward. Luke allowed his exhausted arms a brief respite and hyperventilated while he had the chance.
***
Then he happened to glance down at his companion's face. It was not the face of a Princess and a Senator or of a leader of the Rebel Alliance, but instead that of a chilled child. Moistly parted in sleep, her lips seemed to beckon to him. He leaned closer, seeking refuge from the damp green and brown of the swamp in that hypnotic redness.
***
Leaning back, he regarded the mist silently as his father's ancient weapon sucked power....
***
"Swear it!" she demanded, her voice that of a steel kitten.
***
Vader paused in the midst of his fighting, angrily evaluated the way the battle was going. He shook a threatening fist in Luke's general direction.
***
He patted the shaft of his father's weapon reassuringly.
***
"One can do some interesting things with a saber, you know. I'll do my best to show you all of them if you'll cooperate by not passing out."
Leia's hands dropped to her sides. The fear did not leave her, but she forced it into the back alleys of her mind by sheer will. Running the few steps to Luke's side, she knelt and groped at his wrist. When she rose, she was holding the lightsaber carefully in one hand. Vader looked on approvingly. "You're going to fight. Good. That will make it interesting."
She spat at the advancing giant, a pitifully feeble gesture as she brandished the lightsaber. "The Force give me leave to kill you before I die," she snarled.
Ah awful coughing laugh issued from behind the gargoylish breath mask. "Foolish infant. The Force is with me, not you. But," he shrugged amiably, "we will see." He assumed a position of readiness. "Come, girl-woman... amuse me."
***
"I'm sorry," he murmured, turning his head to where the Princess lay crumpled on the temple floor. "I'm sorry, Leia. I loved you.
***
Luke's motionless form was enveloped in a rich, red bath of light. In his hands the crystal shone with a brilliance unnatural. Nor was the light still. It shifted, fluttered, ran over him like a live thing. It sought out every extremity, each finger and follicle, like the St. Elmo's fire of old on the rigging of a sailing ship.