love shot full of holes
I feel like the space around me is filling up with all the things I'm not saying out loud.
I don't like feeling like this.
I feel ... not hurt, exactly, but something else.
If it was anyone else, I would not care, and the reasons I do care are hard to put into words.
I just do.
Care, that is.
But it's not my fight and it's not my battle, but it still hurts to watch and not know the right thing to say or do.
I feel really lonely, sometimes. I don't know what it is about me that makes it so hard for me to let anyone love me.
I don't know why I'm so impossible to please.
But the point is that I'm not going to see the Boy until March, when his show wraps,
and I need something to occupy myself with until then (someone, that is)
and I hate myself for acting like that
because it's selfish
and he is too nice and too beautiful and too good of a friend for me to do that to him
and yet
I will probably do it anyway.
I don't know at what point in my life I became a wrecking ball.
In positive news, I dominated at beer pong and flip cup last night, and tonight I plan on drinking a copious amount of Tequila. It makes me a better person, for sure.
I also get my laptop (fully working and virus free!) and a new cellphone tomorrow. I might get a Blackberry Pearl, because, why not? For the sick amount of time I spend on my phone, I may as well get something flashy.
And I knew that you were truth I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all.
I don't like feeling like this.
I feel ... not hurt, exactly, but something else.
If it was anyone else, I would not care, and the reasons I do care are hard to put into words.
I just do.
Care, that is.
But it's not my fight and it's not my battle, but it still hurts to watch and not know the right thing to say or do.
I feel really lonely, sometimes. I don't know what it is about me that makes it so hard for me to let anyone love me.
I don't know why I'm so impossible to please.
But the point is that I'm not going to see the Boy until March, when his show wraps,
and I need something to occupy myself with until then (someone, that is)
and I hate myself for acting like that
because it's selfish
and he is too nice and too beautiful and too good of a friend for me to do that to him
and yet
I will probably do it anyway.
I don't know at what point in my life I became a wrecking ball.
In positive news, I dominated at beer pong and flip cup last night, and tonight I plan on drinking a copious amount of Tequila. It makes me a better person, for sure.
I also get my laptop (fully working and virus free!) and a new cellphone tomorrow. I might get a Blackberry Pearl, because, why not? For the sick amount of time I spend on my phone, I may as well get something flashy.
And I knew that you were truth I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all.