Random Rants
I knew I was gay from a very young age. Perhaps around 5 or so. I remember being more drawn to men than women. Even then I knew I was different, My family never discussed it. Sex, drugs, and things of that nature were taboo. Known but not acknowledged or talked about. So, growing up I was never in denial about my orientation. I neither tried to hide nor confirmed it and no one.. family wise, talked about it, much less asked.
My mother knew, even before I was old enough to know what gay or sex was. She told me on many occasions in a mom's round about way, that it was okay and so was I. Some times though I wish mom would have talked to me about it. All through high school and a good part into my adult life, I was in a constant struggle of who I was. It wasnt until my late 20s or early 30s that I accepted myself for who I was. Once I was able to do that, everything else fell into place. I know who I am. I know what I am. I know my limitations. And I am fine with it.
It wasnt until a week or so ago that I thought about this. It was all triggered when I was looking through family albums and it sunk in that everyone who I grew up with and around had passed away. My grandmother and mother in 2001, my uncle and great aunt (grandmothers sister) in 2009 and my aunt in 2010. Its no wonder that I dont have that sense of family or belonging or that even when surrounded by friends and loved ones, i feel alone....isolated.
My mother knew, even before I was old enough to know what gay or sex was. She told me on many occasions in a mom's round about way, that it was okay and so was I. Some times though I wish mom would have talked to me about it. All through high school and a good part into my adult life, I was in a constant struggle of who I was. It wasnt until my late 20s or early 30s that I accepted myself for who I was. Once I was able to do that, everything else fell into place. I know who I am. I know what I am. I know my limitations. And I am fine with it.
It wasnt until a week or so ago that I thought about this. It was all triggered when I was looking through family albums and it sunk in that everyone who I grew up with and around had passed away. My grandmother and mother in 2001, my uncle and great aunt (grandmothers sister) in 2009 and my aunt in 2010. Its no wonder that I dont have that sense of family or belonging or that even when surrounded by friends and loved ones, i feel alone....isolated.