Apr 24, 2004 22:50
stress upon stress.
ive came to the conclusion that nothing is EVER going to get better. just bigger and worse more extreme problems. no im not going to kill myself. i dont have the balls. i wish i could.
i wish something would just take me fast without me knowing and i could just be done and over.
simple as that.
i was walking food out to tables at work today and it was almost like i was in this warped dream. nothing was really there. evrything got foggy and the noise of all the random voices raising to cover the other random laughs just became one loud fog horn and i started to sweat and so i set the food down and was all smiling to the beautiful boring faces of the family of whom i would never truly know anything about... and ducked past the hurrying servers yelling at me to grab this and fill up that ... it all just went into my head and didnt register. all i knew was i needed to get out of this bad dream. it needed to end. i ran into the cold "walk in" in which we store all of our food... i sat and i thought, and i just had to make it go on. and it sucked. i just had to relax. my head was thinking about all the servers who were looking for me and were pissed that i wasnt there doing or filling whatever it was that i was told to remember. all the ass hole customers who were pissed because there food was not there yet.. or who wanted to talk to the manager because there was pineapple on their burger when they asked for mushrooms. i wanted to scream. i wanted to scream in hope that i would wake up. i didnt. i had to go on. and all of those shit heads went home on a full stomach and all of their worries went away?