“Perfectionists are their own devils.”
It still amazes me how I can feel so tired after a day doing not very much at all. It's only just 6pm and I feel like I could curl up and sleep until morning. Seriously, all I have done today is go for a meal for my Mum's birthday and then sit around writing and planning work stuff for next week. Yet I feel exhausted. Bizarre...
I have been reading a lot about Psychology recently as that's one of my secret-geek interests. I used to have a subscription to Psychology magazine (not even kidding) but when that ran out, I just started reading articles online. One in particular about perfectionism interested me; it mentioned how being a perfectionist can impact on your life in a negative way and how it's unhealthy to want everything to be perfect all the time. It also had a list of perfectionist traits. Now, I never used to believe I was a perfectionist, I just thought I had high expectations of things. I thought most people were like that. But reading this has made me realise that maybe I need to change.
Sometimes I can spend hours on work reports, creative projects, academic things etc. because I always think they could be improved. I can stay up until midnight preparing PowerPoints for work because they 'could be better'. I find myself doing ridiculous things like changing the font slightly and moving images to different places. It bothers me if pictures in a presentation don't 'look right' - this drives my colleagues crazy if we're working on a presentation together. They watch, getting more and more bored, while I move pictures around on Powerpoint until I think they are lined up perfectly and look good. I even choreographed a dance routine differently for the school play because I wanted the dancers to be placed symmetrically. I think I have a problem.
Similarly, little things really irritate me. If someone uses bad English (lose or loose, anyone?), if someone eats really loudly, if there are typos in something I've done...it's particularly bad if I've done something wrong because I can dwell on it for days. Recently I've noticed I have constant anxiety about things that need to be done and sometimes I can't sleep because of it. Sometimes I won't even start things and (ironically) will procrastinate for ages because I think I can't do it perfectly or it's not the 'right time'. I swear I would have finished so many novels I've started if I wasn't always over thinking things.
To be honest, it's grown worse with age. I was a bit like this as a teenager but I did accept that I wasn't going to do well at everything. Since I've been in a career where everything is goal-orientated, I'm always trying to make things better. I used to think this was a good thing (to an extent, it is) but the sense of failure when I don't achieve something I was aiming for really affects me. I can feel down for days if something doesn't go well and there are some things I don't think I will ever get over.
So my new goal is to trying and enjoy the journey to the goal and stop thinking about the end result. It's ok if things occasionally go wrong because no one will die (hopefully.) Goal for this evening: to stay awake and productive until at least 9pm ;)
I have been reading a lot about Psychology recently as that's one of my secret-geek interests. I used to have a subscription to Psychology magazine (not even kidding) but when that ran out, I just started reading articles online. One in particular about perfectionism interested me; it mentioned how being a perfectionist can impact on your life in a negative way and how it's unhealthy to want everything to be perfect all the time. It also had a list of perfectionist traits. Now, I never used to believe I was a perfectionist, I just thought I had high expectations of things. I thought most people were like that. But reading this has made me realise that maybe I need to change.
Sometimes I can spend hours on work reports, creative projects, academic things etc. because I always think they could be improved. I can stay up until midnight preparing PowerPoints for work because they 'could be better'. I find myself doing ridiculous things like changing the font slightly and moving images to different places. It bothers me if pictures in a presentation don't 'look right' - this drives my colleagues crazy if we're working on a presentation together. They watch, getting more and more bored, while I move pictures around on Powerpoint until I think they are lined up perfectly and look good. I even choreographed a dance routine differently for the school play because I wanted the dancers to be placed symmetrically. I think I have a problem.
Similarly, little things really irritate me. If someone uses bad English (lose or loose, anyone?), if someone eats really loudly, if there are typos in something I've done...it's particularly bad if I've done something wrong because I can dwell on it for days. Recently I've noticed I have constant anxiety about things that need to be done and sometimes I can't sleep because of it. Sometimes I won't even start things and (ironically) will procrastinate for ages because I think I can't do it perfectly or it's not the 'right time'. I swear I would have finished so many novels I've started if I wasn't always over thinking things.
To be honest, it's grown worse with age. I was a bit like this as a teenager but I did accept that I wasn't going to do well at everything. Since I've been in a career where everything is goal-orientated, I'm always trying to make things better. I used to think this was a good thing (to an extent, it is) but the sense of failure when I don't achieve something I was aiming for really affects me. I can feel down for days if something doesn't go well and there are some things I don't think I will ever get over.
So my new goal is to trying and enjoy the journey to the goal and stop thinking about the end result. It's ok if things occasionally go wrong because no one will die (hopefully.) Goal for this evening: to stay awake and productive until at least 9pm ;)