(no subject)
For a while now I've been dreaming really of moving out. When I was 14 I promised myself I would be out of here by 18. When I was 18 I promised myself I'd be out by 20. I'll be 21 in September with no sign of moving.
It's the dilema of being the obediant Muslim daughter. Not only that but I have this 'community' watching me. Gaging my every move. Hawk's eyes and sharp tongues beind veils and smiles.
What I want:
To live in a skanky studio with a dirty boyfriend, get full sleeves and metallic blue hair
What will happen aka what I dont care for anymore:
Live at home until I marry a fob and have five million kids
I don't want to get married, I don't want kids. I don't care for religion. - Just park me in front of the mosque and paint 'Satan' on my forehead. Whatever.
The issue once again is that R word. Reputation. Add Obligation and Expectation. Sprinkle my mother's health issues on top and the cherry on top: I'm scared shitless of my father.
I used to be able to talk to Ma'Sue but she turned all religious on me in the past two weeks. "Your awrah is right here" she says and points to a spot at my knee, my haram exposed legs. I said, "God made my legs I don't think he minds looking at them for a few moments while I tan." How can you go to the beach and swim in an abaya? Its just those small things that drive me insane. They make it so important.
It's the dilema of being the obediant Muslim daughter. Not only that but I have this 'community' watching me. Gaging my every move. Hawk's eyes and sharp tongues beind veils and smiles.
What I want:
To live in a skanky studio with a dirty boyfriend, get full sleeves and metallic blue hair
What will happen aka what I dont care for anymore:
Live at home until I marry a fob and have five million kids
I don't want to get married, I don't want kids. I don't care for religion. - Just park me in front of the mosque and paint 'Satan' on my forehead. Whatever.
The issue once again is that R word. Reputation. Add Obligation and Expectation. Sprinkle my mother's health issues on top and the cherry on top: I'm scared shitless of my father.
I used to be able to talk to Ma'Sue but she turned all religious on me in the past two weeks. "Your awrah is right here" she says and points to a spot at my knee, my haram exposed legs. I said, "God made my legs I don't think he minds looking at them for a few moments while I tan." How can you go to the beach and swim in an abaya? Its just those small things that drive me insane. They make it so important.