Desperation...
It has been a million years. Funny how almost every entry here starts that way. But it is Finals week. And I'd rather not study because I am graduating and I couldn't give a rat's ass. My GPA is shot who cares now right? I'm sure I got an A in Arabic, so eh, thats nice. 10 pg paper on my fucking powerpoint presentation you have got to be shitting me Professor. I ripped that p.o.s. right off the pages of the book I didn't read. And then proceeded to read the whole thing aloud in class. Because I'm cool like that. Or apathetic to the sufferings of other students. Ma'sue says I scare her. Like I-Think-You-Are-Apart-Of-The-Black-Trench-Coat-Mafia scary. Her words, not mine. It made me laugh. Which scared me later on. Not that I am violent or planning any violence (please dont knock down my door FBI) but because I've been so pissy lately. Like a moody zombie. Lumbering around and laughing at people who fall down and get hurt. I want a cat. Yes a kitty would solve all my problems. I'd name it Lucifer (just kidding). I've also noticed that I randomly start talking in accents and don't notice until people point it out. I think I'm confused. But I'm not sure what about yet.
I have cramps.
I haven't written a song in so long. I think that is my problem. I stopped writing. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with a great line swimming in my head but I'm too lazy to write it down or cant find my orange book. So I go back to sleep sure that I will remember it in the morning. I never do. For a while I thought I lost the orange book, then found it in my car. Sara took it and started reading it. Thats private stuff it is! Nour has also taken to reading the SWCombine posts I save to the computer. It annoys me, even though all she does is compliment me and suggest I write a novel. It annoys me because I know I can write so much better but settle for less.
Why do I always settle for less?
I have cramps.
I haven't written a song in so long. I think that is my problem. I stopped writing. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with a great line swimming in my head but I'm too lazy to write it down or cant find my orange book. So I go back to sleep sure that I will remember it in the morning. I never do. For a while I thought I lost the orange book, then found it in my car. Sara took it and started reading it. Thats private stuff it is! Nour has also taken to reading the SWCombine posts I save to the computer. It annoys me, even though all she does is compliment me and suggest I write a novel. It annoys me because I know I can write so much better but settle for less.
Why do I always settle for less?