prelude in B
help help betaing/questions of icness/etc.etc.etc. these are the characterizations I'm playing around with.
(omg Haruhi stop being so hard to write already.)
(I don't have a Haruhi icon either? DOUBLEFAIL.)
( anime episode 7 revisted )
(omg Haruhi stop being so hard to write already.)
(I don't have a Haruhi icon either? DOUBLEFAIL.)
( anime episode 7 revisted )
Comments 13
I really like this line.
If you really want a beta comment (and this is probably just my nitpick):
practically babbling as it sought to reassure him. His hand, large, warm, and reassured
If I were you, I would try not to have "reassure" twice so close together. I was trying to think and off the top of my head (I just woke up) I couldn't come up with what I think would be the right word instead, but you may want to change that...And yeah, I know that was waaay nitpicky.
She, however, being half his size, was ill-equipped to go crashing into the jungle, which should have occurred to her, except that notions of that sort never occurred to her.
You talk about a problem with Haruhi's character, but this sentence is her
she had the strongest sense that he was not-looking at her,for some reason this confused me a little. Is something missing, or is it me missing something ( ... )
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THAT WAS DRIVING ME CRAZY I had "reassuring" and changed it to "reassured" because if I couldn't come up with anything else, I wanted to at least communicate that she had had an effect on him. But the fact that the words are so similar and so close detracts from that. *grumbles*
You know, and I added that line--well, I had the "ill-equipped to go crashing into the jungle" already--but I expanded it because I thought about the beach and said, "if she felt the need to follow him, she would." Of course, I'm attributing the need-to-follow-him as coming from more than the usual sources, but she wouldn't stop to think about it.
...I guess the idea is that he is looking at Honey, but he is not looking at her, in that "he wants to look at her, but isn't, but sort of is" way. Out of the corner of his eye. Wishfully. Thoughtfully. Thinking about her ( ... )
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Ok, just kidding about the second part. lol
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I'll admit I skipped a lot of it for purplishness (there seems to be a lot going through her head for not being a really deep analyser), but I'm a firm supporter of the idea that Haruhi can have moments of like with any of the guys before she knows about Tamaki.
I mean, I never let myself go full-out with a crush at that age, so things changed all the time, ESPECIALLY depending on circumstances. ("At that age"...I am such a liar.)
I like the feel of the Honey/Mori interaction.
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so wait, does she know about Tamaki now? do I really want to know the answer to that question? Because I love Kyouya/Haruhi more (I guess, with them, I see a chance for growth, whereas with Mori I don't see anything about him changing, regardless of any relationship with Haruhi). And as much as I love Tamaki...unless he's totally managed to move himself out of fantasy realm, I'm still not entirely happy about him-with-Haruhi. Because like even when it's obvious that he's crushing on her, not daddy-loving her, he's still crushing on "my idea of what girl!Haruhi" is versus ( ... )
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Let's put it this way: you know how Haruhi's dad has his mature moments, but is still a complete wacko/kid-like/Haruhi-foil? I think Tamaki is going to grow up just like that.
No need to grieve, dearling.
(Personally, of all the men the one I'd probably like most in person is Tamaki-Papa. He's slyly and tall and suave and silly. >.<)
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however this intrigued me (oo! present tense!) so much that if I did not already have a knee-high stack of library books (and an over-$10-fine), I would rush out and grab them and read them in a day, for the sake of really understanding this. the flow of the conversation is A+++, will read again. :-)
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I'M SORRY D:
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