It's Not Just the Accent
Title: It's Not Just the Accent
Genre: Humor, romance
Word Count:681
Rating/Warnings: PG, language
Summary: Internet fads are pop culture too... And xkcd has some of the best ideas.
It's Not Just the Accent
“So I found this thing.”
England had learned through trial, error, and much repetition that these words meant bad things for him, especially when coupled with a loud American accent. He took a fortifying breath before turning to face America, and was proven correct in his assumption that something horrific was about to happen. America had a frightfully pleased grin across his face where he stood leaned over a chair to England’s left.
“Pray tell, what did you find?” England asked in the hopes that if he showed genuine interest, America would be so surprised he would forget what he had been about to say.
“Okay, there’s this website.” Apparently there was no surprising America, or he just figured England had come to his senses and realized America was infinitely interesting. Or something.
“Anyway,” he went on. “It’s a whole bunch of comics about, like, math and science and stuff. And, you know, random other stuff. But anyway, the thing I found was this graph.”
“Fascinating.” England went back to packing away his things. The meeting had ended a while ago, and while England had stayed behind to avoid talking to France on the way out, he certainly hadn’t bet on America staying behind for him as well.
Not for him, of course. America did things for only himself and never for England of all people.
“No, it totally is fascinating!” America took a seat on the conference table within inches of England and leaned in as if he was divulging some great secret. “See, it was about how when the number of consecutive vowels increases, so does sexual arousal.”
England had to pause for a moment. One, because America had sounded scientific and intelligent, which was certainly not good for the repression England had so lovingly cultivated. And two, because the claim he’d just made in regard to language and its effect on people was bollocks.
“I’m surprised, America,” England said disdainfully. “For a moment there at the end, you actually sounded like you knew what those big words meant.”
America pouted, as England had anticipated he would. “I so know what they mean.”
“Really?” England replied, snapping his briefcase shut and straightening to walk out. “Then perhaps you’d like to demonstrate the effects this little graph of yours? The supposed logic behind it is complete bollocks, you know, and I’d think even you-”
“Queuing.”
There were a few seconds when all England did was blink, eyes focused on the wall opposite him. Strangely, his hands clenched around the handle of his briefcase, a shiver going up his spine that made him freeze, ramrod straight. That was…that had been an almost exclusively British term that left America’s lips.
“Would…” England paused and cleared his throat, surprised to find it was dry and made his voice come out roughened. “Would you mind repeating that?”
“Um.” America’s brow furrowed in confusion, then his expression smoothed over into looking entirely too smug. “Queuing.”
Without his consent or knowledge, England’s briefcase dropped to the floor and was forgotten. In one stride, he was standing between America’s legs where he sat on the table. Again completely independent of his rational mind, England saw his hands latch in America’s collar and pull the man forward as two sets of breath sped up.
Some portion of England had apparently given up on his repression, because in a second, he found himself kissing America with rather shocking enthusiasm. As soon as this reached his attention, he pulled away and began apologizing.
“I’m terribly sorry,” he rushed out. “I can’t imagine what came over me…”
America licked his lips and hooked his ankles behind England’s knees to stop the hasty retreat he’d been attempting.
“Onomatopoeia.”
“Fuck me now!”
England wasn’t entirely sure why his voice had now joined his hands, legs, and…ahem, other bits of his anatomy in rebelling against him. However, he wasn’t entirely concerned. If the way America tugged him forward and started trying to devour his mouth was any indicator, he had all intent to obey England’s demands, and England was sort of fine with that.