(no subject)
I am doing good. Over all I am pretty happy. Nikki makes me such a happy camper! Still havn't been eating good despite trashing my contract. Its a hard habbit to quit. Nikki must think I am crazy, cuz I hardly ever eat around her. I try... we go out to dinner weekly, but after a couple of bites I just cant eat anymore no matter what it is. I have dropped down to 107 lbs which I must say, I am actualy pretty happy about. My step dad found my food journal. I am oh so busted! I cant believe that no one has any respect for my privacy. I am 19 for goodness sakes! Almost 20.
I am probebly going to move into my sisters appartment temporarily until I find a good enough deal and roommate. I have my eye on a couple of nice duplexes, but I am so worried about the roommate situation. I dont want to wind up stuck in a 9-month lease with some crazy person! That would not be good. I contemplated moving in with Nikki, but I am not sure if she is ready to move out or if her parents are ready to let her go. She is extremly tight with her mom. And she will probebly be there all the time anyhow.
I have a job interview for jenny craig on tuesday. Its full time, great benifits, and awesome pay. I am sick of osco and it just isn't paying enough. and now that I had a nice brake away from the raggid life, I dont want to have to go back. Living paycheck to payceck just doesn't do it for me. And I have a good gap of time where I can work full time before I start bizness school this fall.
Ok... so I miss modeling, but not enough to go back! That industry is such a joke. Dont let the show Americas Next top Model fool you, there is no modeling high fashion without an eating disorder. Its always.... water and tomato diets before a big show... starvation... purging. OH and the biggest diet is the captain diet. It consists of starving yourself all day and then binge drinking captain morgan until you cant stop throwing up. Is that really healthy? PLease! Plus, alot of these girls are chocked up on steroids and crazy vitamins to keep from losing their hair or turning olive green. ITs pathetic. I was the healthiest one out of everyone I knew and I was practicaly starving myself.
But i am trying so hard to kick this bad habbit for Nikki. Its really hard. I get sick from eating the tiniest things. Some nights I cant even go out becuase I am so nausious and all I would have eaten was some fruit or maybe part of a sandwhich. Its to the point where I want to eat... but my body wont let me. I try to force myself but I always regret it in the end cuz I get so sick! I dont like this, but its like it has taken me over! I hate being this person! I have never been all that vain before. I must say I am at the peak of unhealthiness out of all the probeblems I have faced with food throughout my life. But I am getting better... I think.
But enough about the negative. I am happy! I am in love! So in love! And I cherish every day I am givin because I know I have so much to live for!
I am probebly going to move into my sisters appartment temporarily until I find a good enough deal and roommate. I have my eye on a couple of nice duplexes, but I am so worried about the roommate situation. I dont want to wind up stuck in a 9-month lease with some crazy person! That would not be good. I contemplated moving in with Nikki, but I am not sure if she is ready to move out or if her parents are ready to let her go. She is extremly tight with her mom. And she will probebly be there all the time anyhow.
I have a job interview for jenny craig on tuesday. Its full time, great benifits, and awesome pay. I am sick of osco and it just isn't paying enough. and now that I had a nice brake away from the raggid life, I dont want to have to go back. Living paycheck to payceck just doesn't do it for me. And I have a good gap of time where I can work full time before I start bizness school this fall.
Ok... so I miss modeling, but not enough to go back! That industry is such a joke. Dont let the show Americas Next top Model fool you, there is no modeling high fashion without an eating disorder. Its always.... water and tomato diets before a big show... starvation... purging. OH and the biggest diet is the captain diet. It consists of starving yourself all day and then binge drinking captain morgan until you cant stop throwing up. Is that really healthy? PLease! Plus, alot of these girls are chocked up on steroids and crazy vitamins to keep from losing their hair or turning olive green. ITs pathetic. I was the healthiest one out of everyone I knew and I was practicaly starving myself.
But i am trying so hard to kick this bad habbit for Nikki. Its really hard. I get sick from eating the tiniest things. Some nights I cant even go out becuase I am so nausious and all I would have eaten was some fruit or maybe part of a sandwhich. Its to the point where I want to eat... but my body wont let me. I try to force myself but I always regret it in the end cuz I get so sick! I dont like this, but its like it has taken me over! I hate being this person! I have never been all that vain before. I must say I am at the peak of unhealthiness out of all the probeblems I have faced with food throughout my life. But I am getting better... I think.
But enough about the negative. I am happy! I am in love! So in love! And I cherish every day I am givin because I know I have so much to live for!