(no subject)
I'm feeling lost again. I know I only update this when something's wrong, but writing in my therapy. I think dad's depressed, which makes my feel like a burden. I've needed him to fix my fan for two days now. It's not easy to sleep in a house that never gets cool. Every time I ask about the fan (It's been like four times now), he gets angry with me, grabs a beer and goes downstairs. Ugh, it makes me feel like crying.
I did cry last night. I don't want a repeat.
And sure, it doesn't help that I've been reading what turned out to be REALLY sad fanfics. I didn't mean to, they just ended sadly.
All this probably means I need to exercise more, I'm sure. You know, get those endorphins pumping through my system. I have to be awake so early, however, that by the time it's cool enough to go jogging, all I want to do is sleep. Ugh. Vicious cycle.
Oh, and the utterly desperate feeling is back. The feeling where I can't stand that there's no one to read or watch TV with me. The feeling that there's no one to kiss me, and it's nearly painful. I'm not a touch person until I don't have it. That bugs me. Well, it's not so much that I'm never a touch person, it's just that there's only one person I want to touch me (ew, stop being gross). I know that won't happen, though. He's my Edward, but the Edward I'll never get. He'll always be on my peripheral, never in full view.
Damnit. I don't even have a Jacob to run to.
I did cry last night. I don't want a repeat.
And sure, it doesn't help that I've been reading what turned out to be REALLY sad fanfics. I didn't mean to, they just ended sadly.
All this probably means I need to exercise more, I'm sure. You know, get those endorphins pumping through my system. I have to be awake so early, however, that by the time it's cool enough to go jogging, all I want to do is sleep. Ugh. Vicious cycle.
Oh, and the utterly desperate feeling is back. The feeling where I can't stand that there's no one to read or watch TV with me. The feeling that there's no one to kiss me, and it's nearly painful. I'm not a touch person until I don't have it. That bugs me. Well, it's not so much that I'm never a touch person, it's just that there's only one person I want to touch me (ew, stop being gross). I know that won't happen, though. He's my Edward, but the Edward I'll never get. He'll always be on my peripheral, never in full view.
Damnit. I don't even have a Jacob to run to.