Tomorrow Will Be Kinder

Apr 28, 2018 22:36

Today's Writing Effort

Today was the day when I couldn't shoot straight. I couldn't seem to do anything right. I did animal care right and I did everything I was told to do with the plants. But some of the seedlings died and I don't know why.

I took AJ into town to Isabella's house so that he could set up to officially ask her to Prom. I was supposed to pick him up at 1:00pm. I had to take Jenny's car because I couldn't find the keys to my car. maxheadwidth had them last and I didn't know where they were. He was in his Mason meeting all day and I didn't know if he would be able to respond, so I didn't bother him. Anyway, while AJ was doing his thing, I sold my old stereo and DVD player to a pawn shop for $15.00 and then went back to Isabella's house to wait until AJ was ready to go.

About fifteen minutes until pickup time, he called me and asked if he could stay later. Since James was unavailable, I said yes. But then Jenny responded to my James/Jenny/Me group text basically making it sound like I should have told AJ no and I felt like I was bad at adulting because of that.

Added to that, earlier in the day while I was selling my electronics, she said that "whoever was responsible for watering the starts forgot about them..." But I didn't. I took care of them to the best of my ability and it made me feel really shitty that all my effort was not ignored, but seemingly non-existent.

I spent a lot of time crying in the car before AJ called me to ask to stay longer. And then I went home and hermited away in my room. I didn't want to see anyone.

The second fence company that was supposed to show up today didn't. They didn't even bother to call. I don't know if they got lost and gave up or if they spaced out that they had an appointment today or what. I called and left a message for them politely asking what the fuck was up with that bullshit. I mean I used nicer words, but that's what I meant in my head.

Before dinner we all had a meeting (Jenny, James, Ethan, Bastion, AJ, and I) about the schedule for next week and then ate. After we were done, I drove AJ to Isabella's house again and did something on the way home I never do. I stopped at the liquor store and bought myself a bottle of Southern Comfort so that on days like today I can have a single shot to help me not feel like a complete failure. At least that's the idea. It's either that or eat a whole pint of ice cream.

I did get to talk to oldfellowbunyip tonight when I got home and that made me feel a whole lot better. At least I'm not a disappointment to him at the moment. I know I've disappointed him before though. That seems to be my M.O. these days. But I'll take my happiness where I can get it.

Tomorrow will be better.

It has to be.

I have to pick up AJ in an hour. Then, when I get home, I'm having that shot of SoCo. Then I'll brush my teeth and go to bed.

isabella, aj, animal care, dan s., farming, bastion, writing 365, mental health, masons, ethan, jenny, james brown

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