A Day Of Deep Complicated Conversations ... And Laundry
Today's Writing EffortI got a lot done around the house today. I got a load of dishes done and several loads of laundry. I swept and mopped the floors and got the fire going really well and kept it going all day long and only set off the smoke alarms twice. I think this batch of wood is just smokier than the last one. I don't know why. I got
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Why don't you deserve your partner, James, to make some time to celebrate with you? It's not a herculean feat. If it's important to you (and it sounds that it is), if he knows this, it should be important to him too.
You don't have to be a martyr for him to want you. You don't have to prioritize Jenny's anxiety being midwived over your need for connection with your partner being nurtured. Jenny is an adult. Both her having more friends than just James to help, and learning to deal with things herself are important life skills, and things that it would benefit her long run to work on. As far as I know, you guys aren't in a wife/mistress or primary partner (jenny)/fun partner (you) talked out arrangement where your needs and wants have been clearly drawn as less than hers. If I'm wrong about that, nevermind all this, but...
You deserve respect, and him honouring that you are in his life too. You are not being demanding in asking for your partner to keep a date night with you. One "something coming up"? Sure. But this is the second or third time that you've set a date to celebrate your relationship with him, and things keep slipping.
Murph. I just dislike hearing you unhappy. I know your life is full of a lot of change right now, and that James is one of the only constants, but that doesn't mean he gets to dismiss you and your feelings when they aren't convenient.
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"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need."
And no, Jenny and I are on the same level. Her anxiety, and James staying with het at night, have nothing to do with the Valentine's Day delay. He's upset that we have to keep delaying it too, but there's not much to be done when there is work to do and appointments to keep and sick kids. That's just life. And it makes the both of us unhappy, but we keep trying. And he does tell me, and show me, all the time how much he loves and values me. It's just a little speed bump combined with my own native pessimism that's been getting me down. :)
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