warning!!! emotions running HIGH!!!
With everything that's happened the past few days I've tumbled off of my happy hill. My happiness torch has been stolen. Yes, I'm still happy and psyched about seeing the sexy Kyo-sama in 2 months 18 days 18 hrs and 38 mins
but I'm very upset and depressed about other things. Like my ex popping back into my life via facebook. I can't bring myself to look at his pics. most of them are of him and his g/f. I really screwed up with him. I'm happy that he's happy. But his happiness reminds me of what I missed out and what I am lacking in my life.
Then, as you know, my almost bf(former FWB) "Shawn"'s g/f "Kerri" added me though facebook for some odd reason. She doens't bother to add me on myspace, but she does on facebook? Evil bitch. Yes, I get it, you have him I don't! look what she wrote in her profile "and I have the most amazing boyfriend who is perfect for me in every single way" no, he's not perfect for you in every single way. You're pagan, you should know a little something about astrology! You're signs, not perfect together. God, it's almost as bad as a fire and water pairing -_-
Then I was looking though the guy's pics on his msn space. They made me feel very insignificant. Even though these pics are old, I still feel unimportant. I noticed with a lot of the pics of his female friends, they were mostly of them laying on his futon, hair a mess, blanket wrapped around torso and/or pants unzipped. I really was one of the many back then and this feeling sucks.
I know things have changed, but still, I can't help but wonder. Am I really as special as he says I am? Or are there other girls still?
My parents keep asking me if he's my boyfriend. I don't know how to answer them. Is he? Or are we just friends? we've never defined that. I've wanted to for so long. I'm just not good with the confrontation of the topic. Part of me is always worried that we will be just friends. We wont be anything more than that. It's just really hard for me to believe that anyone finds me beautiful. Having been teased growing up did a lot to my confidence and self-esteem. I've never felt pretty, loved, or beautiful.
well I think I'll end this here, before I really get carried away.
but I'm very upset and depressed about other things. Like my ex popping back into my life via facebook. I can't bring myself to look at his pics. most of them are of him and his g/f. I really screwed up with him. I'm happy that he's happy. But his happiness reminds me of what I missed out and what I am lacking in my life.
Then, as you know, my almost bf(former FWB) "Shawn"'s g/f "Kerri" added me though facebook for some odd reason. She doens't bother to add me on myspace, but she does on facebook? Evil bitch. Yes, I get it, you have him I don't! look what she wrote in her profile "and I have the most amazing boyfriend who is perfect for me in every single way" no, he's not perfect for you in every single way. You're pagan, you should know a little something about astrology! You're signs, not perfect together. God, it's almost as bad as a fire and water pairing -_-
Then I was looking though the guy's pics on his msn space. They made me feel very insignificant. Even though these pics are old, I still feel unimportant. I noticed with a lot of the pics of his female friends, they were mostly of them laying on his futon, hair a mess, blanket wrapped around torso and/or pants unzipped. I really was one of the many back then and this feeling sucks.
I know things have changed, but still, I can't help but wonder. Am I really as special as he says I am? Or are there other girls still?
My parents keep asking me if he's my boyfriend. I don't know how to answer them. Is he? Or are we just friends? we've never defined that. I've wanted to for so long. I'm just not good with the confrontation of the topic. Part of me is always worried that we will be just friends. We wont be anything more than that. It's just really hard for me to believe that anyone finds me beautiful. Having been teased growing up did a lot to my confidence and self-esteem. I've never felt pretty, loved, or beautiful.
well I think I'll end this here, before I really get carried away.