Private - New Year
Just got home from the temple; spent the night with Noriko and a bunch of high school friends. It was nice, although not where I would have imagined myself a year ago. Then again, nothing in my life is what I would have imagined it as.
I've been feeling like I've misplaced something and can't seem to find it. Then I remembered that I've spent the last three years at this time with Ichijouji, but not this year. Not next year either, or the year after. Because we're not together anymore. Because he doesn't love me. Because he doesn't care. Because I can do much better. Because I deserve better.
I mean, just look at how much better my life has gotten, right? Last year I was a runaway, helping in the conquest and domination of the Digital World. This year, I'm an average high school student making the best of his life. I have lots of friends now, friends I care deeply about. I'm involved in several fun and challenging activities. My family is functional again and better than ever. It was a great year.
Yes, it really was. And this new year will be even better.
But, to start it off a bit poorly, I want to make a wish. A wish for the new year, for me. I'd like to find happiness and love. Perhaps even my soul mate? Yes, it does sound rather cliche and... well, gay to be rather derogatory. I know I said that I didn't believe in that, but really... it's a nice thing to believe in. My mother and father where what I'd call soul mates. They were beautiful together, at least from what I can remember. I know that they really loved each other, and my mother is still faithful to him, even after his death. That kind of love and devotion, that's what I want for myself. And seeing my parents' example? I think it just proves that that type of love is one of kind. You only get it once in a lifetime and you have to hold onto it with all your might.
This year I resolve to be strong, to be brave and take a chance, to make decisions with my head and not my heart, to be kind and understanding. I will not be weak, petty, or act stupidly or rashly.
I will live my life my way and for myself.
I will move on.
I've been feeling like I've misplaced something and can't seem to find it. Then I remembered that I've spent the last three years at this time with Ichijouji, but not this year. Not next year either, or the year after. Because we're not together anymore. Because he doesn't love me. Because he doesn't care. Because I can do much better. Because I deserve better.
I mean, just look at how much better my life has gotten, right? Last year I was a runaway, helping in the conquest and domination of the Digital World. This year, I'm an average high school student making the best of his life. I have lots of friends now, friends I care deeply about. I'm involved in several fun and challenging activities. My family is functional again and better than ever. It was a great year.
Yes, it really was. And this new year will be even better.
But, to start it off a bit poorly, I want to make a wish. A wish for the new year, for me. I'd like to find happiness and love. Perhaps even my soul mate? Yes, it does sound rather cliche and... well, gay to be rather derogatory. I know I said that I didn't believe in that, but really... it's a nice thing to believe in. My mother and father where what I'd call soul mates. They were beautiful together, at least from what I can remember. I know that they really loved each other, and my mother is still faithful to him, even after his death. That kind of love and devotion, that's what I want for myself. And seeing my parents' example? I think it just proves that that type of love is one of kind. You only get it once in a lifetime and you have to hold onto it with all your might.
This year I resolve to be strong, to be brave and take a chance, to make decisions with my head and not my heart, to be kind and understanding. I will not be weak, petty, or act stupidly or rashly.
I will live my life my way and for myself.
I will move on.