Damn Good Show
ACT 1:
Dr. Horrible:
Ah hahahaha. Ah ha haaaaa. A haaaaa.
So that’s... you know… coming along. I’m working with a vocal coach. Strengthening the “ahaa”. A lot of guys ignore the laugh and that’s about standards. I mean, if you’re going to get into the Evil League of Evil you HAVE to have a memorable laugh. I mean do you think Bad Horse didn’t work on his whinny?
His terrible
Death
Whinny.
No response, BTW from the League yet but my application is strong this year. A letter of condemnation from the deputy mayor. That’s gotta have some weight, so, fingers crossed.
EMAILS! 2sly4you writes: “hey genius” wow. Sarcasm. That’s ORIGINAL. “Where are the gold bars you were supposed to pull out of that bank vault with your trans-matter ray? Obviously it failed or it would be in the papers.”
Well no, there not going to say anything in the press. But BEHOLD. Transported from there to here.
The molecules tend to shift in the trans-matter… um… event, but, they were transported IN BAR FORM and they clearly were… (and by the way it’s not about making money. It’s about TAKING money. Destroying the status-quo because the “status” is NOT “quo”. The world is a mess and I just need to RULE it.) I’m gonna… that smells like cumin.
So, Trans-matter is 75% AND more importantly the Freeze-Ray is almost up. This is the one. Stops time. Freeze-ray. Tell your friends.
We have… OH! Here’s one from our good friend Johnny Snow. “Dr. Horrible. I see you are once again afraid to do battle with your nemesis. I waited at Dooley Park for 45 minutes.”
Ok, DUDE you’re NOT my nemesis. My nemesis is Captain Hammer. Captain Hammer, Corporate TOOL. He dislocated my shoulder… Again… last week.
LOOK! I’m just trying to change the world, OK? I don’t have time for a grudge match with every poser in a parka. Besides, there’s kids in that park, so…
Here’s one from DeadNotSleeping. “Long time watcher, first time writing.” Blah blah blah blah… “You always say on your blog that you will ‘show her the way, show her you are a true villain’. Who is ‘her’ and does she even know that you’re” …
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
Laundry day
See you there
Under things
Tumbling
Wanna say
“love your hair”
Here I go
Mumbling
With my Freeze-Ray I will STOP the world
With my Freeze-Ray I will find the time to find the words
Tell you how
How you make
Make me feel
What’s the phrase?
Like a fool
Kinda sick
Special needs
Any ways
With my Freeze-Ray I will STOP the pain
It’s not a death-ray or an Ice-beam that’s all Johnny Snow
I just think you need time to know
That I’m the guy to make it real
The feelings you don’t dare to feel
I’ll bend the world to our will
And we’ll make time stand still
That’s the plan
Rule the world
You and me
Any day
Love your hair
Penny:
“what?”
Dr. Horrible:
no… I…I… I love the air…
Anyway
With my Freeze-ray I will stop…
*SONG*
Moist:
Hey doc.
Dr. Horrible:
Moist! My evil, moisture buddy. What’s going on?
Moist:
Life of crime. Got your mail
Dr. Horrible:
Hey, didn’t you ahh. Didn’t you go on a date last night? Conflict Diamond told me you were doubling with Bait’N’Switch.
Moist:
Yeah, Ahhh..
Dr. Horrible:
Yeah?
Moist:
It was all right. I kinda thought I was supposed to end up with Bait, but…
Dr. Horrible:
I hear ya. I saw Penny today.
Moist:
You talk to her?
Dr. Horrible:
So close. I’m just a few weeks away from a real, audible, connection. I’m… I’m gonna ask… Oh my god!
Moist:
Is that from the league?
Dr. Horrible:
It’s from HIM! That’s his seal isn’t it?!?
Moist:
The leader? The… Oh my god!
Dr. Horrible:
I got a letter from Bad Horse
Moist:
That’s so hardcore. Bad Horse is legend. He rules the league with iron hoof. Are you sure you wanna…?
*SONG*
Bad Horse Singers:
Bad Horse
Bad Horse
Bad Horse
Bad Horse
He rides across the nation
The thoroughbred of sin
He got the application that you just sent in
It needs evaluation, so let the games begin
A heinous crime, a show of force,
A murder would be nice of course
Bad Horse
Bad Horse
Bad Horse
He’s bad
The Evil League of Evil
Is watching so beware
The grade that you receive will be your last
We swear
So make the Bad Horse gleeful
Or he’ll make you his mare
You’re saddled up
There’s no recourse
It’s ‘High-ho silver’
Signed: Bad Horse
*SONG*
Moist:
It’s not a “NO”…
Dr. Horrible:
Are you kidding? This is great! I’m about to pull a major heist. You know the Wonderflonium that I need for the Freeze-Ray? It’s being transported tomorrow.
Moist:
Armored car?
Dr. Horrible:
Courier van. Candy from a baby.
Moist:
You need anything dampened or made soggy or…?
Dr. Horrible:
Thanks, but… the League is watching. I gotta go this alone.
*SONG*
Penny:
Will you lend a caring hand
To shelter those who need it?
Only have to sign your name
Don’t even have to read it
Would you help?
No? How bout you?
Will you lend a caring hand?
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
ARGHHH!
Penny:
Oh. Oh.
Dr. Horrible:
Argh. Ah. Hah. What?
Penny:
I was wondering if I could just… Hey, I know you!
Dr. Horrible:
Hello. You know me? Cool. I mean. Yeah, you do. Do you?
Penny:
From the laundry mat
Dr. Horrible:
Wednesdays and Saturdays except twice last month, you skipped the weekend. Or, if that was you. It coulda been someone else, I mean, I’ve SEEN you. Billy is my name.
Penny:
I’m Penny. What are you doing?
Dr. Horrible:
I’m texting. It’s very important or I would stop. What are you doing?
Penny:
Actually I’m out here volunteering for the Caring Hands Homeless Shelter. Can you spare a minute?
Dr. Horrible:
Umm… Ok, go.
Penny:
Ok, we’re hoping to open up a new location soon, expand our efforts. There’s this great building nearby that the city is just going to demolish and turn into a parking lot, but if we get enough signatures…
Dr. Horrible:
Signatures? *pfft*
Penny:
Yeah.
Dr. Horrible:
I’m sorry, go on.
Penny:
I was saying um, maybe we could get the city to donate the building to our cause. We would be able to provide 250 new beds, get people off the streets and into job training so they could… buy rocket packs and go to the moon and become… florists… You’re not really interested in the homeless are you?
Dr. Horrible:
No, I am. But they’re a symptom. You’re treating a symptom and the disease rages on, consumes the human race. The fish rots from the head as they say. So my thinking is why not cut off the head
Penny:
of the human race?
Dr. Horrible:
it’s not a perfect metaphor… but I’m talking about an overhaul of the system. Putting the power in… DIFFERENT… hands.
Penny:
I’m all for that… This petition is about the building…
Dr. Horrible:
I’d love to sign it.
Penny:
thank you.
Dr. Horrible:
Sorry I… I come on strong.
Penny:
but you signed
Dr. Horrible:
Wouldn’t want to turn my back on a fellow laundry person…
Penny:
Well if WE can’t stick together I don’t… I’ll probably see you there.
Dr. Horrible:
No, I will. I’ll…
She talked to me. Why did she talk to me NOW? Maybe I should…
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do
Don’t plan the plan if you can’t follow through
All that matters is taking matters into your own hands
Soon I’ll control everything
My wish is your command
Captain Hammer:
Stand back everyone
Nothin’ here to see
Just imminent danger
And in the middle of it me
Yes Captain Hammer’s here
Hair blowing in the breeze
The day needs my saving expertise
A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do
Seems destiny ends with me saving you
The only doom that’s looming is you loving me to death
So I’ll give you a second to catch your breath
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
YOU IDIOT!
Captain Hammer:
Dr. Horrible. I should have known you were behind this.
Dr. Horrible:
You almost killed her
Captain Hammer:
I remember it differently.
Dr. Horrible:
Is she? *urgh*
Captain Hammer:
Its curtains for you Dr. Horrible. Lacy, gently wafting curtains.
*SONG*
Penny:
Thank you Hammer Man, I don’t think I can
Explain how important it was that you stop the van
I would be splattered; I’d be crushed under debris
Thank you sir for saving me
Captain Hammer:
Don’t worry about it.
A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.
Penny:
(You came from above)
Dr. Horrible:
(Are you kidding?)
Captain Hammer:
Seems destiny ends with me saving you
Dr. Horrible:
(What heist were you watching?)
Penny:
(I wonder what you’re captain of)
Dr. Horrible:
(Stop looking at her like that)
Captain Hammer:
When you’re the best you can’t rest, what’s the use?
Dr. Horrible:
(Did you notice that he threw you in the garbage?)
Penny:
(My heart is beating like a drum)
Captain Hammer:
There’s ass needs kicking. Some ticking bomb to diffuse.
Penny:
(Must… must be in shock)
Dr. Horrible:
(I stopped the van. The remote control was in my hand)
Captain Hammer:
The only doom that’s looming is you loving me to death
Penny:
(Assuming I’m not loving you to death)
Dr. Horrible:
(Whatever)
Captain Hammer:
So please give me a second to catch my breath
Penny:
So please give me a second to catch my breath
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
Balls.
Act 2:
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
any dolt with half a brain
can see that human kind has gone insane
to the point where I don’t know
if I’ll upset the status quo
if I throw poison in the water main
Listen close to everybody’s heart
and hear that breaking sound
hopes and dreams are shattering apart
and crashing to the ground
I can not believe my eyes
how the world’s filled with filth and lies
but it’s plain to see
evil inside of me
is on the rise
Penny:
look around. We’re living with the lost and found
just when you feel you’ve almost drowned
you find yourself on solid ground
and you believe there’s good in everybody’s heart
keep it safe and sound
with hope, you can do your part
to turn a life around
I can not believe my eyes
is the world finally growing wise
cause it seems to me
some kind of harmony
is on the rise
Dr: Horrible:
Any one with half a brain
could spend their whole life howling in pain
Penny:
take it slow
he looks at me and seems to know
The things that I’m afraid to show
and suddenly i feel his glow
Dr. Horrible:
Cause the dark is everywhere
and Penny doesn’t seem to care
that soon the dark in me is all that will remain
Penny:
and I believe there’s good in everybody’s heart
keep it safe and sound
Dr. Horrible:
listen close to everybody’s heart
and hear that breaking sound
Dr. Horrible:
Hopes and dreams are shattering apart
Penny:
(with hope you can do your part)
Dr. Horrible:
and crashing to the ground
Penny:
to turn a life around
Dr. Horrible:
I can not believe my eyes
Penny:
I can not believe my eyes
Dr. Horrible:
how the world’s filled with filth and lies
Penny:
How the world’s finally growing wise
Dr. Horrible:
But it’s plain to see
Penny:
and it’s plain to see
Dr. Horrible:
evil inside of me
Penny:
rapture inside of me
Dr.Horrible:
is on the rise
Penny:
is on the rise
*SONG*
scene
Penny:
it is so dumb that we’ve been coming here so long and never spoke.
Dr. Horrible:
I know. All those months doing a stunningly boring chore.
Penny:
I’m a fan of laundry.
Dr. Horrible:
psych! I love it.
Penny:
The smell of fabric softener.
Dr. Horrible:
MMmm.
Penny:
The feel of warm clothes in your hands.
Dr. Horrible:
So good.
Dr. Horrible:
Hey, this is weird. I ordered one frozen yogurt and they gave me two. You don’t happen to like frozen yogurt do you?
Penny:
I love it.
Dr. Horrible:
you’re kidding! what a crazy, random happen-stance. Here.
Penny:
Thank you.
Dr. Horrible:
So how was your weekend? Did you spend the whole time hunting wild signatures?
Penny:
Um, actually, I went on a date…
Dr. Horrible:
Get right outta town. How was that?
Penny:
Unexpected. He’s a really good looking guy, and I thought he was kinda cheesy at first…
Dr. Horrible:
Trust your instincts.
Penny:
But, he turned out to be totally sweet. Sometimes people are layered like that. there’s something totally different underneath than what’s on the surface.
Dr. Horrible:
and sometimes there’s a third, even deeper level and that one is the same as the top surface one.
Penny:
Huh?
Dr. Horrible:
Like with pie…
Dr. Horrible:
So, you gonna see him again?
Penny:
I think I will…
Dr. Horrible:
Huh
Penny:
Billy?
Dr. Horrible:
Yeah?
Penny:
You’re driving a spork into your leg.
Dr. Horrible:
So I am. Hilarious.
scene
Dr. Horrible:
All right. The wait is over. This my friends, is my Freeze-Ray which, with the addition of the Wonderflonium I obtained at my famously successful heist last week.
I say successful in that I achieved my objective. It was less successful in that I inadvertently introduced my arch-nemesis to the girl of my dreams, and now he’s taking her out on dates, and they’re probably going to french kiss or something.
she called him sweet. How is he sweet?
RIGHT. Freeze-Ray. SO as of tonight I am in the Evil League of Evil if all goes according to plan; which it WILL because I hold a P.H.D in Horribleness. See you at the aftermath. PEACE!
But not literally…
scene
Dr. Horrible:
*cough* ahem. The Freeze-Ray needs work. I also need to be a LITTLE bit more careful about what I say on this blog. Apparently the L.A.P.D and Captain Hammer are among our viewers.
They were waiting for me at the Mayor’s dedication of the Superhero Memorial Bridge. The Freeze-Ray takes a few seconds to warm up and I wasn’t…
Captain Hammer threw a car at my head.
Not to worry though, because I’m….
Oh, one second.
*SONG*
Bad Horse Singers:
He saw the opperation
You tried to pull today
but your humiliation means he still votes nay
and now assasination is just the only way
there will be blood
it might be yours
so go kill someone
signed: Bad Horse
*SONG*
scene
Moist:
Kill someone?
Dr. Horrible:
Would you do it? To get into the Evil League of Evil?
Moist:
Look at me man. I’m Moist. I mean, at my most bad-ass I make people feel like they want to take a shower. I’m not Evil League of Evil material.
Dr. Horrible:
Killing’s not elegant or creative. It’s not my style.
Moist:
You’ve got more than enough evil hours to get into the Henchman’s Union.
Dr. Horrible:
*Pfft* I’m not a henchman. I’m Dr. Horrible. I have a P.H.D. in horribleness.
Moist:
Is that the new catch phrase?
Dr. Horrible:
I deserve to get in. You know I do. But killing? Really?
Moist:
Hourglass says she knows a kid in Iowa that grows up to become president. That’d be big.
Dr. Horrible:
I’m not gonna kill a little kid.
Moist:
Smother an old lady.
Dr. Horrible:
Do I even know you?
Scene
Dr. Horrible:
I just, you know, REALLY think I’m qualified for this, this job and I just can’t get my foot in the door.
Penny:
I’m sure you will.
Dr. Horrible:
I wanna do great things, you know? I wanna be an achiever. Like Bad Horse…
Penny:
The thoroughbred of sin?
Dr. Horrible:
I meant Ghandi.
Penny:
Well, I’ve gotten turned down from plenty of jobs. Even fired a few times.
Dr. Horrible:
I can’t imagine anyone firing you.
Penny:
Neither could I. Now I can visualize it really well. But, you know everything happens.
Dr. Horrible:
Don’t say “for a reason”.
Penny:
No, I’m just saying that everything happens.
Dr. Horrible:
Not to me.
*SONG*
Penny:
Here’s a story
Of a girl
who grew up lost and lonely
thinking love was fairy tale
and trouble was made only for me
even in the darkness every color can be found
and every day of rain brings water flowing
to things growing in the ground
grief replaced with pity
for a city barely coping
dreams are easy to achieve
if hope is all I’m hoping to be
any time you’re hurt
there’s one who has it worse around
and every drop of rain will keep you growing
seeds you’re sowing in the ground
so keep your head up
Billy buddy
*SONG*
Penny:
It’s like Captain Hammer’s always saying…
Dr. Horrible:
Right. Him. How are things with “cheesy on the outside”?
Penny:
Good. They’re good. He’s nice.
Penny:
I’ll be interested to know what you think of him. He said he might stop by.
Dr. Horrible:
Stop by here?!
Penny:
Yeah.
Dr. Horrible:
OH! Goodness. Look at my wrist. I gotta go
Penny:
But what about your clothes?
Dr. Horrible:
I don’t love these. See ya.
ARGH!
Captain Hammer:
Oh, Pardon.
Dr. Horrible:
Pardon.
Penny:
Billy, this is Captain Hammer.
Captain Hammer:
OH! Billy, the laundry buddy. well it is very nice to meet you.
Dr. Horrible:
We’re meeting now for the first time.
Captain Hammer:
You look horribly familiar.
Dr. Horrible:
one of those faces I guess.
Captain Hammer:
Have I seen you at the gym?
Dr. Horrible:
At the gym…
Captain Hammer:
I don’t go to the gym, I’m just naturally like this. Oh well.
Who wants to know what the Mayor is doing behind closed doors? He is signing over a certain building to a Caring Hands Group as a new homeless shelter.
Penny:
Oh my god!
Captain Hammer:
Yep. Apparently the only signature he needed was my fist. But, with a pen in it. That I was signing with.
Penny:
I, I can’t believe it!
Dr. Horrible:
Congratulations
Penny:
Thank you, THANK YOU!
Captain Hammer:
ahh
Penny:
Oh
Dr. Horrible:
Well, this is great. I wish I could stay and chit-chat.
Captain Hammer:
Well it sure was nice to meet you… Doctor…
You got a little crush, don’t you Doc? Well that’s gonna make this hard to hear. See, later I’m gonna take little Penny back to my place, show her the Command Center, Hammer Cycle, maybe even the Ham-Jet. You think she likes me now? I’m gonna give Penny the night of her life. Just because you want her, and I get what you want. See, Penny’s giving it up. She’s givin it up hard, cause she’s with Captain Hammer. and THESE are not the hammer.
Captain Hammer:
The hammer is my penis.
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
this appeared as a moral dilemma
cause at first it was weird though I swore to eliminate
the worst of the plague that devoured humanity
its true I was vague on the how so how can it be that you
have shown me the light
It’s a brand new day
and the sun is high
all the birds are singing
that you’re gonna die
how I hesitated
now I wonder why
it’s a brand new day
All the times that you beat me unconscious
I’ll forgive
all the crimes incomplete, listen, honestly
I’ll live
Mr. Cool, Mr. Right, Mr. Know-it-all is through
and the future’s so bright
and I owe it all to you
You showed me the light
It’s a brand new me
I’ve got no remorse
Now the water’s risin’
But I know the course
I’m gonna shock the world
Gonna show Bad Horse
It’s a brand new day
And Penny will see
the evil me
not a joke
not a dork
not a failure
and she may cry
but her tears will dry
when I hand her the keys
to a shiny new Australia
It’s a brand new day
and the sun is high
all the angels sing
cause you’re gonna die
Go ahead and laugh
yeah I’m a funny guy
Tell everyone good-bye
It’s a brand new day
Act 3
Female Reporter:
Looks like we’re finding out what a true hero is
Male Reporter:
The mayor himself will be on hand to dedicate the new homeless shelter and unveil the statue of Captain Hammer.
Female Reporter:
It’s a good day to be homeless.
Male Reporter:
haha, it certainly is.
*SONG*
Mover #1:
So they say Captain Hammer’s become a crusader, political, he’s cleanin’ up the streets.
Mover #2:
About time.
Fan #1:
So they say its real love
Fans:
So romantic
Fan #3:
He signed this.
Penny:
So they say we’ll have blankets and beds. We can open by Monday thanks to you.
Captain Hammer:
Thanks to ME.
Reporters:
It’s the perfect story
Male Reporter:
So they say
Female Reporter:
The hero leading the way
Reporters:
Hammer’s call to glory
Female Reporter:
Lets all be our best
Male Reporter:
Next up, who’s gay?
Fan #2:
So they say he saved her life.
Fan #1:
They say she works with the homeless, and doesn’t eat meat
Fans:
We have a problem with her
Fan #3:
This is his hair
Captain Hammer:
This is so nice
I just might sleep with the same girl twice
They say it’s better the second time
They say you get to do the weird stuff
Fans:
We do the weird stuff
Penny:
This is perfect for me
So they say
I guess he’s pretty ok
After years of stormy sailing
Have I finally found the bay?
Moist:
He’s still not picking up
Penny:
There’s no happy ending
So they say
Dr. Horrible:
There’s no happy ending
So they say
Not for me anyway
Penny:
Should I stop pretending?
Dr. Horrible:
Stop pretending
Take the chance to build a brand new day
Penny:
Or is this a brand new day
Fan #3:
This is his dry-cleaning bill
Fans:
Four a sweater-vest
*song*
Mayor:
And in just a few minutes we’ll unveil the statue of the man himself. Thank you. Thank you.
Mayor:
Justice has a name, and the name it has besides justice is Captain Hammer. Ladies and Gentlemen; your hero.
Captain Hammer:
Thank you. Thank you Mayor for those kind words.
I hate the homeless…
-ness problem that plagues our city. Everyone should have the basic…
You know what? I don’t need tiny cue cards. When I fell DEEPLY in love with my serious, long term girlfriend Penny (wave your hand Penny) There she is. Cute huh? Sort of a quiet, nerdy thing. Not my usual, but nice. Anyway, she turned me on to this whole homeless… thing… which is terrible, and I realized, I’m not the only hero in the room tonight. I’m not the only one who’s fighting.
*SONG*
Captain Hammer:
It may not feel too classy
Begging just to eat
But you know who does that?
Lassie. And she always gets a treat
So you wonder what your part is
Cause you’re homeless and depressed
But home is where the heart is
So your real home’s in your chest
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
Everyone’s got villains they must face
They’re not as cool as mine
But folks you know it’s fine
To know your place
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
In their own, not that heroic way
So I thank my girlfriend Penny
Yeah, we TOTALLY had sex
She showed me there’s so many
Different muscles I can flex
There’s the deltoids of compassion
There’s the abs of being kind
It’s not enough to bash in heads
You’ve got to bash in minds
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
Everyone’s got somethin’ they can do
Get up, go out and fly
Especially that guy
He smells like poo
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
You and you and mostly me and you
I’m poverty’s new sheriff
And I’m bashing in the slums
A hero doesn’t care if you’re a
Bunch of scary, alcoholic bums
EVERYBODY!
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
Chorus:
(We’re heroes too)
Captain Hammer:
Everyone can blaze a hero’s trail
Chorus:
(We’re just like you)
Captain Hammer:
Don’t worry if it’s hard
If you’re not a fricken tard
You will prevail
Chorus:
oooooo...
Captain Hammer:
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
Chorus:
We’re heroes too
Captain Hammer:
Everyone’s a hero in thei….
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
MWAHAHAHAHA!!
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
Look at these people
Amazing how sheep’ll
Show up for the slaughter
No one condemning
You lined up like lemmings
You led to the water
Why can’t they see
What I see
Why can’t they hear the lies?
Maybe the fee’s too pricey
For them to realize
Your disguise is slipping
I think you’re slipping
Now that your savior’s
As still as the grave
You’re beginning to fear me
Like cavemen fear thunder
I still have to wonder
Can you really hear me?
I bring you pain
The kind you can’t suffer quietly
Fire up your brain
Remind you inside you’re rioting
society is slipping
Everything’s slipping away
So
Go ahead
Run away
Say it was Horrible
Spread the word
Tell a friend
Tell them the tale
Get a pic
Do a blog
Hero’s are over with
Look at him
Not a word
Hammer meet Nail
Then I win
Then I get
Everything I ever
All the cash
All the fame
And social change
Anarchy
That I run
It’s Dr. Horrible’s turn
You people all have to learn
This world is going to burn
Burn
Yeah, it’s two “R’s”
H-O-R-R. Right.
Burn
No sign of Penny
Good
I would give anything
Not to have her see
It’s gonna be bloody
Head up Billy buddy
There’s no time for mercy
Here goes no mercy
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
That’s not a good sound…
Captain Hammer:
WAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!
A Death-Ray? Looks like Dr. Horrible’s moving up. Let’s see if this one works any better than your others.
Dr. Horrible:
Don’t…
Captain Hammer:
I don’t have time for your warnings. You give my regards to Saint Peter… or whoever has his job, but in Hell.
Ooowww ahhhhh I’m in pain. I think this is what pain feels like. Oh mommy! Someone maternal. Get outta my way! I gotta get out!
Dr. Horrible:
Penny! Penny? oh
Penny:
Billy? Is that you?
Dr. Horrible:
Penny, hold on. Oh no no no no no
Penny:
Are you all right?
Dr. Horrible:
Hold on, we’ll…
Penny:
It’s ok. It’s ok. Captain Hammer will save us…
Dr. Horrible:
Penny?!?
Press:
Dr. Horrible, why’d you kill her?
Dr. Horrible, was this all part of your plan?
Dr. Horrible, over here. Why’d you do it Dr. Horrible?
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
Here lies everything
The world I wanted at my feet
My victory’s complete
So hail to the king
Chorus:
Everything you ever…
Dr. Horrible:
Arise and sing
So your world’s benign
So you think justice has a voice
And we all have a choice
Well now your world is mine
Chorus:
Everything you ever…
Dr. Horrible:
And I am fine
Captain Hammer:
Right here, In my heart and it hurts inside…
Dr. Horrible:
Now the nightmare’s real
Now Dr. Horrible is here
To make you quake with fear
To make the whole world kneel
Chorus:
Everything you ever…
Dr. Horrible:
And I won’t feel
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
A thing.
Dr. Horrible:
Ah hahahaha. Ah ha haaaaa. A haaaaa.
So that’s... you know… coming along. I’m working with a vocal coach. Strengthening the “ahaa”. A lot of guys ignore the laugh and that’s about standards. I mean, if you’re going to get into the Evil League of Evil you HAVE to have a memorable laugh. I mean do you think Bad Horse didn’t work on his whinny?
His terrible
Death
Whinny.
No response, BTW from the League yet but my application is strong this year. A letter of condemnation from the deputy mayor. That’s gotta have some weight, so, fingers crossed.
EMAILS! 2sly4you writes: “hey genius” wow. Sarcasm. That’s ORIGINAL. “Where are the gold bars you were supposed to pull out of that bank vault with your trans-matter ray? Obviously it failed or it would be in the papers.”
Well no, there not going to say anything in the press. But BEHOLD. Transported from there to here.
The molecules tend to shift in the trans-matter… um… event, but, they were transported IN BAR FORM and they clearly were… (and by the way it’s not about making money. It’s about TAKING money. Destroying the status-quo because the “status” is NOT “quo”. The world is a mess and I just need to RULE it.) I’m gonna… that smells like cumin.
So, Trans-matter is 75% AND more importantly the Freeze-Ray is almost up. This is the one. Stops time. Freeze-ray. Tell your friends.
We have… OH! Here’s one from our good friend Johnny Snow. “Dr. Horrible. I see you are once again afraid to do battle with your nemesis. I waited at Dooley Park for 45 minutes.”
Ok, DUDE you’re NOT my nemesis. My nemesis is Captain Hammer. Captain Hammer, Corporate TOOL. He dislocated my shoulder… Again… last week.
LOOK! I’m just trying to change the world, OK? I don’t have time for a grudge match with every poser in a parka. Besides, there’s kids in that park, so…
Here’s one from DeadNotSleeping. “Long time watcher, first time writing.” Blah blah blah blah… “You always say on your blog that you will ‘show her the way, show her you are a true villain’. Who is ‘her’ and does she even know that you’re” …
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
Laundry day
See you there
Under things
Tumbling
Wanna say
“love your hair”
Here I go
Mumbling
With my Freeze-Ray I will STOP the world
With my Freeze-Ray I will find the time to find the words
Tell you how
How you make
Make me feel
What’s the phrase?
Like a fool
Kinda sick
Special needs
Any ways
With my Freeze-Ray I will STOP the pain
It’s not a death-ray or an Ice-beam that’s all Johnny Snow
I just think you need time to know
That I’m the guy to make it real
The feelings you don’t dare to feel
I’ll bend the world to our will
And we’ll make time stand still
That’s the plan
Rule the world
You and me
Any day
Love your hair
Penny:
“what?”
Dr. Horrible:
no… I…I… I love the air…
Anyway
With my Freeze-ray I will stop…
*SONG*
Moist:
Hey doc.
Dr. Horrible:
Moist! My evil, moisture buddy. What’s going on?
Moist:
Life of crime. Got your mail
Dr. Horrible:
Hey, didn’t you ahh. Didn’t you go on a date last night? Conflict Diamond told me you were doubling with Bait’N’Switch.
Moist:
Yeah, Ahhh..
Dr. Horrible:
Yeah?
Moist:
It was all right. I kinda thought I was supposed to end up with Bait, but…
Dr. Horrible:
I hear ya. I saw Penny today.
Moist:
You talk to her?
Dr. Horrible:
So close. I’m just a few weeks away from a real, audible, connection. I’m… I’m gonna ask… Oh my god!
Moist:
Is that from the league?
Dr. Horrible:
It’s from HIM! That’s his seal isn’t it?!?
Moist:
The leader? The… Oh my god!
Dr. Horrible:
I got a letter from Bad Horse
Moist:
That’s so hardcore. Bad Horse is legend. He rules the league with iron hoof. Are you sure you wanna…?
*SONG*
Bad Horse Singers:
Bad Horse
Bad Horse
Bad Horse
Bad Horse
He rides across the nation
The thoroughbred of sin
He got the application that you just sent in
It needs evaluation, so let the games begin
A heinous crime, a show of force,
A murder would be nice of course
Bad Horse
Bad Horse
Bad Horse
He’s bad
The Evil League of Evil
Is watching so beware
The grade that you receive will be your last
We swear
So make the Bad Horse gleeful
Or he’ll make you his mare
You’re saddled up
There’s no recourse
It’s ‘High-ho silver’
Signed: Bad Horse
*SONG*
Moist:
It’s not a “NO”…
Dr. Horrible:
Are you kidding? This is great! I’m about to pull a major heist. You know the Wonderflonium that I need for the Freeze-Ray? It’s being transported tomorrow.
Moist:
Armored car?
Dr. Horrible:
Courier van. Candy from a baby.
Moist:
You need anything dampened or made soggy or…?
Dr. Horrible:
Thanks, but… the League is watching. I gotta go this alone.
*SONG*
Penny:
Will you lend a caring hand
To shelter those who need it?
Only have to sign your name
Don’t even have to read it
Would you help?
No? How bout you?
Will you lend a caring hand?
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
ARGHHH!
Penny:
Oh. Oh.
Dr. Horrible:
Argh. Ah. Hah. What?
Penny:
I was wondering if I could just… Hey, I know you!
Dr. Horrible:
Hello. You know me? Cool. I mean. Yeah, you do. Do you?
Penny:
From the laundry mat
Dr. Horrible:
Wednesdays and Saturdays except twice last month, you skipped the weekend. Or, if that was you. It coulda been someone else, I mean, I’ve SEEN you. Billy is my name.
Penny:
I’m Penny. What are you doing?
Dr. Horrible:
I’m texting. It’s very important or I would stop. What are you doing?
Penny:
Actually I’m out here volunteering for the Caring Hands Homeless Shelter. Can you spare a minute?
Dr. Horrible:
Umm… Ok, go.
Penny:
Ok, we’re hoping to open up a new location soon, expand our efforts. There’s this great building nearby that the city is just going to demolish and turn into a parking lot, but if we get enough signatures…
Dr. Horrible:
Signatures? *pfft*
Penny:
Yeah.
Dr. Horrible:
I’m sorry, go on.
Penny:
I was saying um, maybe we could get the city to donate the building to our cause. We would be able to provide 250 new beds, get people off the streets and into job training so they could… buy rocket packs and go to the moon and become… florists… You’re not really interested in the homeless are you?
Dr. Horrible:
No, I am. But they’re a symptom. You’re treating a symptom and the disease rages on, consumes the human race. The fish rots from the head as they say. So my thinking is why not cut off the head
Penny:
of the human race?
Dr. Horrible:
it’s not a perfect metaphor… but I’m talking about an overhaul of the system. Putting the power in… DIFFERENT… hands.
Penny:
I’m all for that… This petition is about the building…
Dr. Horrible:
I’d love to sign it.
Penny:
thank you.
Dr. Horrible:
Sorry I… I come on strong.
Penny:
but you signed
Dr. Horrible:
Wouldn’t want to turn my back on a fellow laundry person…
Penny:
Well if WE can’t stick together I don’t… I’ll probably see you there.
Dr. Horrible:
No, I will. I’ll…
She talked to me. Why did she talk to me NOW? Maybe I should…
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do
Don’t plan the plan if you can’t follow through
All that matters is taking matters into your own hands
Soon I’ll control everything
My wish is your command
Captain Hammer:
Stand back everyone
Nothin’ here to see
Just imminent danger
And in the middle of it me
Yes Captain Hammer’s here
Hair blowing in the breeze
The day needs my saving expertise
A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do
Seems destiny ends with me saving you
The only doom that’s looming is you loving me to death
So I’ll give you a second to catch your breath
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
YOU IDIOT!
Captain Hammer:
Dr. Horrible. I should have known you were behind this.
Dr. Horrible:
You almost killed her
Captain Hammer:
I remember it differently.
Dr. Horrible:
Is she? *urgh*
Captain Hammer:
Its curtains for you Dr. Horrible. Lacy, gently wafting curtains.
*SONG*
Penny:
Thank you Hammer Man, I don’t think I can
Explain how important it was that you stop the van
I would be splattered; I’d be crushed under debris
Thank you sir for saving me
Captain Hammer:
Don’t worry about it.
A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.
Penny:
(You came from above)
Dr. Horrible:
(Are you kidding?)
Captain Hammer:
Seems destiny ends with me saving you
Dr. Horrible:
(What heist were you watching?)
Penny:
(I wonder what you’re captain of)
Dr. Horrible:
(Stop looking at her like that)
Captain Hammer:
When you’re the best you can’t rest, what’s the use?
Dr. Horrible:
(Did you notice that he threw you in the garbage?)
Penny:
(My heart is beating like a drum)
Captain Hammer:
There’s ass needs kicking. Some ticking bomb to diffuse.
Penny:
(Must… must be in shock)
Dr. Horrible:
(I stopped the van. The remote control was in my hand)
Captain Hammer:
The only doom that’s looming is you loving me to death
Penny:
(Assuming I’m not loving you to death)
Dr. Horrible:
(Whatever)
Captain Hammer:
So please give me a second to catch my breath
Penny:
So please give me a second to catch my breath
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
Balls.
Act 2:
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
any dolt with half a brain
can see that human kind has gone insane
to the point where I don’t know
if I’ll upset the status quo
if I throw poison in the water main
Listen close to everybody’s heart
and hear that breaking sound
hopes and dreams are shattering apart
and crashing to the ground
I can not believe my eyes
how the world’s filled with filth and lies
but it’s plain to see
evil inside of me
is on the rise
Penny:
look around. We’re living with the lost and found
just when you feel you’ve almost drowned
you find yourself on solid ground
and you believe there’s good in everybody’s heart
keep it safe and sound
with hope, you can do your part
to turn a life around
I can not believe my eyes
is the world finally growing wise
cause it seems to me
some kind of harmony
is on the rise
Dr: Horrible:
Any one with half a brain
could spend their whole life howling in pain
Penny:
take it slow
he looks at me and seems to know
The things that I’m afraid to show
and suddenly i feel his glow
Dr. Horrible:
Cause the dark is everywhere
and Penny doesn’t seem to care
that soon the dark in me is all that will remain
Penny:
and I believe there’s good in everybody’s heart
keep it safe and sound
Dr. Horrible:
listen close to everybody’s heart
and hear that breaking sound
Dr. Horrible:
Hopes and dreams are shattering apart
Penny:
(with hope you can do your part)
Dr. Horrible:
and crashing to the ground
Penny:
to turn a life around
Dr. Horrible:
I can not believe my eyes
Penny:
I can not believe my eyes
Dr. Horrible:
how the world’s filled with filth and lies
Penny:
How the world’s finally growing wise
Dr. Horrible:
But it’s plain to see
Penny:
and it’s plain to see
Dr. Horrible:
evil inside of me
Penny:
rapture inside of me
Dr.Horrible:
is on the rise
Penny:
is on the rise
*SONG*
scene
Penny:
it is so dumb that we’ve been coming here so long and never spoke.
Dr. Horrible:
I know. All those months doing a stunningly boring chore.
Penny:
I’m a fan of laundry.
Dr. Horrible:
psych! I love it.
Penny:
The smell of fabric softener.
Dr. Horrible:
MMmm.
Penny:
The feel of warm clothes in your hands.
Dr. Horrible:
So good.
Dr. Horrible:
Hey, this is weird. I ordered one frozen yogurt and they gave me two. You don’t happen to like frozen yogurt do you?
Penny:
I love it.
Dr. Horrible:
you’re kidding! what a crazy, random happen-stance. Here.
Penny:
Thank you.
Dr. Horrible:
So how was your weekend? Did you spend the whole time hunting wild signatures?
Penny:
Um, actually, I went on a date…
Dr. Horrible:
Get right outta town. How was that?
Penny:
Unexpected. He’s a really good looking guy, and I thought he was kinda cheesy at first…
Dr. Horrible:
Trust your instincts.
Penny:
But, he turned out to be totally sweet. Sometimes people are layered like that. there’s something totally different underneath than what’s on the surface.
Dr. Horrible:
and sometimes there’s a third, even deeper level and that one is the same as the top surface one.
Penny:
Huh?
Dr. Horrible:
Like with pie…
Dr. Horrible:
So, you gonna see him again?
Penny:
I think I will…
Dr. Horrible:
Huh
Penny:
Billy?
Dr. Horrible:
Yeah?
Penny:
You’re driving a spork into your leg.
Dr. Horrible:
So I am. Hilarious.
scene
Dr. Horrible:
All right. The wait is over. This my friends, is my Freeze-Ray which, with the addition of the Wonderflonium I obtained at my famously successful heist last week.
I say successful in that I achieved my objective. It was less successful in that I inadvertently introduced my arch-nemesis to the girl of my dreams, and now he’s taking her out on dates, and they’re probably going to french kiss or something.
she called him sweet. How is he sweet?
RIGHT. Freeze-Ray. SO as of tonight I am in the Evil League of Evil if all goes according to plan; which it WILL because I hold a P.H.D in Horribleness. See you at the aftermath. PEACE!
But not literally…
scene
Dr. Horrible:
*cough* ahem. The Freeze-Ray needs work. I also need to be a LITTLE bit more careful about what I say on this blog. Apparently the L.A.P.D and Captain Hammer are among our viewers.
They were waiting for me at the Mayor’s dedication of the Superhero Memorial Bridge. The Freeze-Ray takes a few seconds to warm up and I wasn’t…
Captain Hammer threw a car at my head.
Not to worry though, because I’m….
Oh, one second.
*SONG*
Bad Horse Singers:
He saw the opperation
You tried to pull today
but your humiliation means he still votes nay
and now assasination is just the only way
there will be blood
it might be yours
so go kill someone
signed: Bad Horse
*SONG*
scene
Moist:
Kill someone?
Dr. Horrible:
Would you do it? To get into the Evil League of Evil?
Moist:
Look at me man. I’m Moist. I mean, at my most bad-ass I make people feel like they want to take a shower. I’m not Evil League of Evil material.
Dr. Horrible:
Killing’s not elegant or creative. It’s not my style.
Moist:
You’ve got more than enough evil hours to get into the Henchman’s Union.
Dr. Horrible:
*Pfft* I’m not a henchman. I’m Dr. Horrible. I have a P.H.D. in horribleness.
Moist:
Is that the new catch phrase?
Dr. Horrible:
I deserve to get in. You know I do. But killing? Really?
Moist:
Hourglass says she knows a kid in Iowa that grows up to become president. That’d be big.
Dr. Horrible:
I’m not gonna kill a little kid.
Moist:
Smother an old lady.
Dr. Horrible:
Do I even know you?
Scene
Dr. Horrible:
I just, you know, REALLY think I’m qualified for this, this job and I just can’t get my foot in the door.
Penny:
I’m sure you will.
Dr. Horrible:
I wanna do great things, you know? I wanna be an achiever. Like Bad Horse…
Penny:
The thoroughbred of sin?
Dr. Horrible:
I meant Ghandi.
Penny:
Well, I’ve gotten turned down from plenty of jobs. Even fired a few times.
Dr. Horrible:
I can’t imagine anyone firing you.
Penny:
Neither could I. Now I can visualize it really well. But, you know everything happens.
Dr. Horrible:
Don’t say “for a reason”.
Penny:
No, I’m just saying that everything happens.
Dr. Horrible:
Not to me.
*SONG*
Penny:
Here’s a story
Of a girl
who grew up lost and lonely
thinking love was fairy tale
and trouble was made only for me
even in the darkness every color can be found
and every day of rain brings water flowing
to things growing in the ground
grief replaced with pity
for a city barely coping
dreams are easy to achieve
if hope is all I’m hoping to be
any time you’re hurt
there’s one who has it worse around
and every drop of rain will keep you growing
seeds you’re sowing in the ground
so keep your head up
Billy buddy
*SONG*
Penny:
It’s like Captain Hammer’s always saying…
Dr. Horrible:
Right. Him. How are things with “cheesy on the outside”?
Penny:
Good. They’re good. He’s nice.
Penny:
I’ll be interested to know what you think of him. He said he might stop by.
Dr. Horrible:
Stop by here?!
Penny:
Yeah.
Dr. Horrible:
OH! Goodness. Look at my wrist. I gotta go
Penny:
But what about your clothes?
Dr. Horrible:
I don’t love these. See ya.
ARGH!
Captain Hammer:
Oh, Pardon.
Dr. Horrible:
Pardon.
Penny:
Billy, this is Captain Hammer.
Captain Hammer:
OH! Billy, the laundry buddy. well it is very nice to meet you.
Dr. Horrible:
We’re meeting now for the first time.
Captain Hammer:
You look horribly familiar.
Dr. Horrible:
one of those faces I guess.
Captain Hammer:
Have I seen you at the gym?
Dr. Horrible:
At the gym…
Captain Hammer:
I don’t go to the gym, I’m just naturally like this. Oh well.
Who wants to know what the Mayor is doing behind closed doors? He is signing over a certain building to a Caring Hands Group as a new homeless shelter.
Penny:
Oh my god!
Captain Hammer:
Yep. Apparently the only signature he needed was my fist. But, with a pen in it. That I was signing with.
Penny:
I, I can’t believe it!
Dr. Horrible:
Congratulations
Penny:
Thank you, THANK YOU!
Captain Hammer:
ahh
Penny:
Oh
Dr. Horrible:
Well, this is great. I wish I could stay and chit-chat.
Captain Hammer:
Well it sure was nice to meet you… Doctor…
You got a little crush, don’t you Doc? Well that’s gonna make this hard to hear. See, later I’m gonna take little Penny back to my place, show her the Command Center, Hammer Cycle, maybe even the Ham-Jet. You think she likes me now? I’m gonna give Penny the night of her life. Just because you want her, and I get what you want. See, Penny’s giving it up. She’s givin it up hard, cause she’s with Captain Hammer. and THESE are not the hammer.
Captain Hammer:
The hammer is my penis.
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
this appeared as a moral dilemma
cause at first it was weird though I swore to eliminate
the worst of the plague that devoured humanity
its true I was vague on the how so how can it be that you
have shown me the light
It’s a brand new day
and the sun is high
all the birds are singing
that you’re gonna die
how I hesitated
now I wonder why
it’s a brand new day
All the times that you beat me unconscious
I’ll forgive
all the crimes incomplete, listen, honestly
I’ll live
Mr. Cool, Mr. Right, Mr. Know-it-all is through
and the future’s so bright
and I owe it all to you
You showed me the light
It’s a brand new me
I’ve got no remorse
Now the water’s risin’
But I know the course
I’m gonna shock the world
Gonna show Bad Horse
It’s a brand new day
And Penny will see
the evil me
not a joke
not a dork
not a failure
and she may cry
but her tears will dry
when I hand her the keys
to a shiny new Australia
It’s a brand new day
and the sun is high
all the angels sing
cause you’re gonna die
Go ahead and laugh
yeah I’m a funny guy
Tell everyone good-bye
It’s a brand new day
Act 3
Female Reporter:
Looks like we’re finding out what a true hero is
Male Reporter:
The mayor himself will be on hand to dedicate the new homeless shelter and unveil the statue of Captain Hammer.
Female Reporter:
It’s a good day to be homeless.
Male Reporter:
haha, it certainly is.
*SONG*
Mover #1:
So they say Captain Hammer’s become a crusader, political, he’s cleanin’ up the streets.
Mover #2:
About time.
Fan #1:
So they say its real love
Fans:
So romantic
Fan #3:
He signed this.
Penny:
So they say we’ll have blankets and beds. We can open by Monday thanks to you.
Captain Hammer:
Thanks to ME.
Reporters:
It’s the perfect story
Male Reporter:
So they say
Female Reporter:
The hero leading the way
Reporters:
Hammer’s call to glory
Female Reporter:
Lets all be our best
Male Reporter:
Next up, who’s gay?
Fan #2:
So they say he saved her life.
Fan #1:
They say she works with the homeless, and doesn’t eat meat
Fans:
We have a problem with her
Fan #3:
This is his hair
Captain Hammer:
This is so nice
I just might sleep with the same girl twice
They say it’s better the second time
They say you get to do the weird stuff
Fans:
We do the weird stuff
Penny:
This is perfect for me
So they say
I guess he’s pretty ok
After years of stormy sailing
Have I finally found the bay?
Moist:
He’s still not picking up
Penny:
There’s no happy ending
So they say
Dr. Horrible:
There’s no happy ending
So they say
Not for me anyway
Penny:
Should I stop pretending?
Dr. Horrible:
Stop pretending
Take the chance to build a brand new day
Penny:
Or is this a brand new day
Fan #3:
This is his dry-cleaning bill
Fans:
Four a sweater-vest
*song*
Mayor:
And in just a few minutes we’ll unveil the statue of the man himself. Thank you. Thank you.
Mayor:
Justice has a name, and the name it has besides justice is Captain Hammer. Ladies and Gentlemen; your hero.
Captain Hammer:
Thank you. Thank you Mayor for those kind words.
I hate the homeless…
-ness problem that plagues our city. Everyone should have the basic…
You know what? I don’t need tiny cue cards. When I fell DEEPLY in love with my serious, long term girlfriend Penny (wave your hand Penny) There she is. Cute huh? Sort of a quiet, nerdy thing. Not my usual, but nice. Anyway, she turned me on to this whole homeless… thing… which is terrible, and I realized, I’m not the only hero in the room tonight. I’m not the only one who’s fighting.
*SONG*
Captain Hammer:
It may not feel too classy
Begging just to eat
But you know who does that?
Lassie. And she always gets a treat
So you wonder what your part is
Cause you’re homeless and depressed
But home is where the heart is
So your real home’s in your chest
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
Everyone’s got villains they must face
They’re not as cool as mine
But folks you know it’s fine
To know your place
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
In their own, not that heroic way
So I thank my girlfriend Penny
Yeah, we TOTALLY had sex
She showed me there’s so many
Different muscles I can flex
There’s the deltoids of compassion
There’s the abs of being kind
It’s not enough to bash in heads
You’ve got to bash in minds
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
Everyone’s got somethin’ they can do
Get up, go out and fly
Especially that guy
He smells like poo
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
You and you and mostly me and you
I’m poverty’s new sheriff
And I’m bashing in the slums
A hero doesn’t care if you’re a
Bunch of scary, alcoholic bums
EVERYBODY!
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
Chorus:
(We’re heroes too)
Captain Hammer:
Everyone can blaze a hero’s trail
Chorus:
(We’re just like you)
Captain Hammer:
Don’t worry if it’s hard
If you’re not a fricken tard
You will prevail
Chorus:
oooooo...
Captain Hammer:
Everyone’s a hero in their own way
Chorus:
We’re heroes too
Captain Hammer:
Everyone’s a hero in thei….
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
MWAHAHAHAHA!!
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
Look at these people
Amazing how sheep’ll
Show up for the slaughter
No one condemning
You lined up like lemmings
You led to the water
Why can’t they see
What I see
Why can’t they hear the lies?
Maybe the fee’s too pricey
For them to realize
Your disguise is slipping
I think you’re slipping
Now that your savior’s
As still as the grave
You’re beginning to fear me
Like cavemen fear thunder
I still have to wonder
Can you really hear me?
I bring you pain
The kind you can’t suffer quietly
Fire up your brain
Remind you inside you’re rioting
society is slipping
Everything’s slipping away
So
Go ahead
Run away
Say it was Horrible
Spread the word
Tell a friend
Tell them the tale
Get a pic
Do a blog
Hero’s are over with
Look at him
Not a word
Hammer meet Nail
Then I win
Then I get
Everything I ever
All the cash
All the fame
And social change
Anarchy
That I run
It’s Dr. Horrible’s turn
You people all have to learn
This world is going to burn
Burn
Yeah, it’s two “R’s”
H-O-R-R. Right.
Burn
No sign of Penny
Good
I would give anything
Not to have her see
It’s gonna be bloody
Head up Billy buddy
There’s no time for mercy
Here goes no mercy
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
That’s not a good sound…
Captain Hammer:
WAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!
A Death-Ray? Looks like Dr. Horrible’s moving up. Let’s see if this one works any better than your others.
Dr. Horrible:
Don’t…
Captain Hammer:
I don’t have time for your warnings. You give my regards to Saint Peter… or whoever has his job, but in Hell.
Ooowww ahhhhh I’m in pain. I think this is what pain feels like. Oh mommy! Someone maternal. Get outta my way! I gotta get out!
Dr. Horrible:
Penny! Penny? oh
Penny:
Billy? Is that you?
Dr. Horrible:
Penny, hold on. Oh no no no no no
Penny:
Are you all right?
Dr. Horrible:
Hold on, we’ll…
Penny:
It’s ok. It’s ok. Captain Hammer will save us…
Dr. Horrible:
Penny?!?
Press:
Dr. Horrible, why’d you kill her?
Dr. Horrible, was this all part of your plan?
Dr. Horrible, over here. Why’d you do it Dr. Horrible?
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
Here lies everything
The world I wanted at my feet
My victory’s complete
So hail to the king
Chorus:
Everything you ever…
Dr. Horrible:
Arise and sing
So your world’s benign
So you think justice has a voice
And we all have a choice
Well now your world is mine
Chorus:
Everything you ever…
Dr. Horrible:
And I am fine
Captain Hammer:
Right here, In my heart and it hurts inside…
Dr. Horrible:
Now the nightmare’s real
Now Dr. Horrible is here
To make you quake with fear
To make the whole world kneel
Chorus:
Everything you ever…
Dr. Horrible:
And I won’t feel
*SONG*
Dr. Horrible:
A thing.