Cute stuff from online
What kind of clothes are there?
Women: Clean and dirty
Men: Clean, almost clean, sorta clean, not bad, dirty, really dirty, nasty, biohazzard. (Men will voluntarily wear all but the last classification of these clothes).
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THE REAL WORLD OF WORK AS EXPRESSED BY RECENT COLLEGE GRADS
"What! I can't say 'cool' anymore!? Hey, man, like everything was cool before I started working here! Hey, without me, they'd be in deep crap!"
"What's a CEO? Sounds like a metal band!"
"I asked my boss if I could become a manager in 3 months and not wait for 6 months and he just laughed! Is this why I went to school? They just don't respect new grads!"
"Tom, what's sexual harassment? Wait! Wait! Look at that secretary. Man is she built! I think I'll make some sweet overtures to her. Women can't resist me!"
"What! I need to work a whole freakin' year to get 2 weeks of vacation?! I just don't understand this stuff. I'm busting tail for them and they want to make me wait?!"
"The day I started here I came in wearing a tee shirt like at school. And my boss said, 'You know it's tie and jacket here. So, go home and come back looking like you're serious.' Now, I actually miss school! The suit and tie thing is OK for an interview, but on the job???"
"I hear you have to write a weekly report. What are they going to ask for next?"
"And, I have to make presentations to management. Gimmee a break! I work pretty hard and they know what I do, already."
"Hey, these expense accounts and company credit cards are really great. I went on my first business trip last week and blew a hundred bucks on dinner. That's a perk of working after 4 hard years of college courses!"
----------------------
THE REAL WORLD OF WORK AS EXPRESSED BY RECENT COLLEGE GRADS
"What! I can't say 'cool' anymore!? Hey, man, like everything was cool before I started working here! Hey, without me, they'd be in deep crap!"
"What's a CEO? Sounds like a metal band!"
"I asked my boss if I could become a manager in 3 months and not wait for 6 months and he just laughed! Is this why I went to school? They just don't respect new grads!"
"Tom, what's sexual harassment? Wait! Wait! Look at that secretary. Man is she built! I think I'll make some sweet overtures to her. Women can't resist me!"
"What! I need to work a whole freakin' year to get 2 weeks of vacation?! I just don't understand this stuff. I'm busting tail for them and they want to make me wait?!"
"The day I started here I came in wearing a tee shirt like at school. And my boss said, 'You know it's tie and jacket here. So, go home and come back looking like you're serious.' Now, I actually miss school! The suit and tie thing is OK for an interview, but on the job???"
"I hear you have to write a weekly report. What are they going to ask for next?"
"And, I have to make presentations to management. Gimmee a break! I work pretty hard and they know what I do, already."
"Hey, these expense accounts and company credit cards are really great. I went on my first business trip last week and blew a hundred bucks on dinner. That's a perk of working after 4 hard years of college courses!"
-----------------------
Subject: How to properly place new employees
1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new hires in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
4. Then analyze the situation;
a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
i. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management
m. Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Congress.
-----------------------
Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher.
When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs, "AMEN, BROTHER!"When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, "PREACH IT, REVEREND!"
And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and screamed, "RIGHT ON, BROTHER! TELL IT LIKE IT IS... AMEN!"
But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet. One turned to the other and said, "He's quit preaching and now he's meddlin'."
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I've started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
----------------------
"Once you see a child's self-image begin to improve, you will see significant gains in achievement areas, but even more important, you will see a child who is beginning to enjoy life more."
Women: Clean and dirty
Men: Clean, almost clean, sorta clean, not bad, dirty, really dirty, nasty, biohazzard. (Men will voluntarily wear all but the last classification of these clothes).
---------------------
THE REAL WORLD OF WORK AS EXPRESSED BY RECENT COLLEGE GRADS
"What! I can't say 'cool' anymore!? Hey, man, like everything was cool before I started working here! Hey, without me, they'd be in deep crap!"
"What's a CEO? Sounds like a metal band!"
"I asked my boss if I could become a manager in 3 months and not wait for 6 months and he just laughed! Is this why I went to school? They just don't respect new grads!"
"Tom, what's sexual harassment? Wait! Wait! Look at that secretary. Man is she built! I think I'll make some sweet overtures to her. Women can't resist me!"
"What! I need to work a whole freakin' year to get 2 weeks of vacation?! I just don't understand this stuff. I'm busting tail for them and they want to make me wait?!"
"The day I started here I came in wearing a tee shirt like at school. And my boss said, 'You know it's tie and jacket here. So, go home and come back looking like you're serious.' Now, I actually miss school! The suit and tie thing is OK for an interview, but on the job???"
"I hear you have to write a weekly report. What are they going to ask for next?"
"And, I have to make presentations to management. Gimmee a break! I work pretty hard and they know what I do, already."
"Hey, these expense accounts and company credit cards are really great. I went on my first business trip last week and blew a hundred bucks on dinner. That's a perk of working after 4 hard years of college courses!"
----------------------
THE REAL WORLD OF WORK AS EXPRESSED BY RECENT COLLEGE GRADS
"What! I can't say 'cool' anymore!? Hey, man, like everything was cool before I started working here! Hey, without me, they'd be in deep crap!"
"What's a CEO? Sounds like a metal band!"
"I asked my boss if I could become a manager in 3 months and not wait for 6 months and he just laughed! Is this why I went to school? They just don't respect new grads!"
"Tom, what's sexual harassment? Wait! Wait! Look at that secretary. Man is she built! I think I'll make some sweet overtures to her. Women can't resist me!"
"What! I need to work a whole freakin' year to get 2 weeks of vacation?! I just don't understand this stuff. I'm busting tail for them and they want to make me wait?!"
"The day I started here I came in wearing a tee shirt like at school. And my boss said, 'You know it's tie and jacket here. So, go home and come back looking like you're serious.' Now, I actually miss school! The suit and tie thing is OK for an interview, but on the job???"
"I hear you have to write a weekly report. What are they going to ask for next?"
"And, I have to make presentations to management. Gimmee a break! I work pretty hard and they know what I do, already."
"Hey, these expense accounts and company credit cards are really great. I went on my first business trip last week and blew a hundred bucks on dinner. That's a perk of working after 4 hard years of college courses!"
-----------------------
Subject: How to properly place new employees
1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new hires in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
4. Then analyze the situation;
a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
i. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management
m. Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Congress.
-----------------------
Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher.
When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs, "AMEN, BROTHER!"When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, "PREACH IT, REVEREND!"
And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and screamed, "RIGHT ON, BROTHER! TELL IT LIKE IT IS... AMEN!"
But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet. One turned to the other and said, "He's quit preaching and now he's meddlin'."
----------------------
I've started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
----------------------
"Once you see a child's self-image begin to improve, you will see significant gains in achievement areas, but even more important, you will see a child who is beginning to enjoy life more."