The Beginning, Middle, and End?
Hello from good old basement in the middle of Illinois.
Okay that's really sad.
So I just spent the last week in Winona. Which was needed in ways that I can't even begin to explain. I needed to be needed and around people my age. It was just nice to hang out. Nothing to do except watch movies or cable and drink a beer, or pop. Didn't matter which. I didn't realize this until last night but I really don't do much in Illinois. I don't really hang out with anyone, except Megan and we both have such complicated schudules that its hard to hang out all the time. I mean when your boyfriend asks you "Don't you and Megan hang out?" it kind of hits hard. And it's even worse when you have to answer no. But, it was good to go up there. I love Winona in the summer which brings me to my new point.
I am getting a house and staying there over the summer and I'm looking for roommates seeing as I have heard nothing from the people I plan on staying with. Two: who knows where we may all land. I want a fucking drama free house. That's all I'm asking for. And I can cook. Well, if I do say so myself. And clean, but I hate doing that, so I'll work some agreements out with everyone.
Alright backtracking, for spuratic Erica thoughts....
Week in Winona...awsome. Makes me kind of wish I weren't doing the whole RA/AD thing again...but then again I think it just makes me look forward too it. Also, then I'd miss out on all the juicy Res Life gossip. Seriously. Who wants that?
Painted my bathroom in Winona and set it up...Bright, energetic, and entertaining. Things I'd like to think I am. Two: you will never cease to be amused in my bathroom. The Monopoly, yes...that's right MONOPOLY shower curtain will ensure that. God, I love that bathroom. I will live in there. My regal thrown...which reminds me I need to find my crown. No joke. There will be a crown in my bathroom. You must wear it while sitting on the Community Chest. Get it? Community Chest? LMAO. Okay, I'm done now.
Um. What else. It was really wonderful (cant find the true words I want to say) to see Jake again. Even if we are not happy right now, but I guess who can be?
So in Winona I got a flat tire. Which sucks. Fucking squirles. Honestly. Jake changed the tire, but I had to buy a new one before coming home. Not in the budget for the week. Two: I got a speeding ticket. Everytime I think of it, I get angrier and angrier. So what I was going 85 in a 65? I was going with the flow of traffic. Two: did anyone ever think of the fact that cops are going just as fast? Can I give them a speeding violation? And who charges a first time offender $255.40? THAT'S A WHOLE PAYCHECK!!! Where am I going to come up with that kind of money? I'll be that girl working the corner of Chapman and Ellithorp. Seriously.
On for more complaining. Health terms. My stomach has killed me for the last week and half nonstop. It's not even like a little stomach ache where I ate too much food or what not. It's like it's being cut out with a dull knife and then a spoon comes to scrape the inards. Then my teeth. Oh, that's a trip in itself. I went to the dentist today. My first of two visits scheduled for this week. Yea, guess what I don't have a cavity in one of my teeth, but the other one needs a rootcanal. That's now three root canals, and now a total of three crowns. I know I have to get it done, and there's no not doing it, cause it'll only make it worse. But its disheartening, that I have to pay for this shit when my previous dentist fucked up. It's hard to watch my mother as she goes through the same thing, and see the guilt wrack her face and know how she must feel. This guy was our family dentist for my entire life. He was someone that my parents put their trust in and he blatently screwed up, and tried to 'patch' it so no one would be wiser. Its just tiring. I grow weary of all the dental work, and having to explain at work that I need these days off, but I want to work. It's hard to explain that a 20 year old has such dental problems, without them wondering if I am a quack and taking them for a ride. The must think I'm joking. I just want it done. When I say I want it to be the end of August its not only because I want to see everyone, and be close to what I now consider my Winona family; it's also because that means that I will have no more dental, no more eye surgeries, no more court dates. This summer has possibly been the worse summer I can remember.
When I say I grow weary, it's not that I am physically tired. I just feel spiritually beaten down, like an empty shell. As I look back at entries I notice that more and more. What's even scarier is that Jake and I almost broke up last night and I can't help but feel that my empty shell is causing the stress. What is happening? Where is that thread?
Okay that's really sad.
So I just spent the last week in Winona. Which was needed in ways that I can't even begin to explain. I needed to be needed and around people my age. It was just nice to hang out. Nothing to do except watch movies or cable and drink a beer, or pop. Didn't matter which. I didn't realize this until last night but I really don't do much in Illinois. I don't really hang out with anyone, except Megan and we both have such complicated schudules that its hard to hang out all the time. I mean when your boyfriend asks you "Don't you and Megan hang out?" it kind of hits hard. And it's even worse when you have to answer no. But, it was good to go up there. I love Winona in the summer which brings me to my new point.
I am getting a house and staying there over the summer and I'm looking for roommates seeing as I have heard nothing from the people I plan on staying with. Two: who knows where we may all land. I want a fucking drama free house. That's all I'm asking for. And I can cook. Well, if I do say so myself. And clean, but I hate doing that, so I'll work some agreements out with everyone.
Alright backtracking, for spuratic Erica thoughts....
Week in Winona...awsome. Makes me kind of wish I weren't doing the whole RA/AD thing again...but then again I think it just makes me look forward too it. Also, then I'd miss out on all the juicy Res Life gossip. Seriously. Who wants that?
Painted my bathroom in Winona and set it up...Bright, energetic, and entertaining. Things I'd like to think I am. Two: you will never cease to be amused in my bathroom. The Monopoly, yes...that's right MONOPOLY shower curtain will ensure that. God, I love that bathroom. I will live in there. My regal thrown...which reminds me I need to find my crown. No joke. There will be a crown in my bathroom. You must wear it while sitting on the Community Chest. Get it? Community Chest? LMAO. Okay, I'm done now.
Um. What else. It was really wonderful (cant find the true words I want to say) to see Jake again. Even if we are not happy right now, but I guess who can be?
So in Winona I got a flat tire. Which sucks. Fucking squirles. Honestly. Jake changed the tire, but I had to buy a new one before coming home. Not in the budget for the week. Two: I got a speeding ticket. Everytime I think of it, I get angrier and angrier. So what I was going 85 in a 65? I was going with the flow of traffic. Two: did anyone ever think of the fact that cops are going just as fast? Can I give them a speeding violation? And who charges a first time offender $255.40? THAT'S A WHOLE PAYCHECK!!! Where am I going to come up with that kind of money? I'll be that girl working the corner of Chapman and Ellithorp. Seriously.
On for more complaining. Health terms. My stomach has killed me for the last week and half nonstop. It's not even like a little stomach ache where I ate too much food or what not. It's like it's being cut out with a dull knife and then a spoon comes to scrape the inards. Then my teeth. Oh, that's a trip in itself. I went to the dentist today. My first of two visits scheduled for this week. Yea, guess what I don't have a cavity in one of my teeth, but the other one needs a rootcanal. That's now three root canals, and now a total of three crowns. I know I have to get it done, and there's no not doing it, cause it'll only make it worse. But its disheartening, that I have to pay for this shit when my previous dentist fucked up. It's hard to watch my mother as she goes through the same thing, and see the guilt wrack her face and know how she must feel. This guy was our family dentist for my entire life. He was someone that my parents put their trust in and he blatently screwed up, and tried to 'patch' it so no one would be wiser. Its just tiring. I grow weary of all the dental work, and having to explain at work that I need these days off, but I want to work. It's hard to explain that a 20 year old has such dental problems, without them wondering if I am a quack and taking them for a ride. The must think I'm joking. I just want it done. When I say I want it to be the end of August its not only because I want to see everyone, and be close to what I now consider my Winona family; it's also because that means that I will have no more dental, no more eye surgeries, no more court dates. This summer has possibly been the worse summer I can remember.
When I say I grow weary, it's not that I am physically tired. I just feel spiritually beaten down, like an empty shell. As I look back at entries I notice that more and more. What's even scarier is that Jake and I almost broke up last night and I can't help but feel that my empty shell is causing the stress. What is happening? Where is that thread?