(no subject)
I'm completely frustrated and tired of thinking. Maybe sleep will help, but seriously... I'm just getting tireder and tireder. Yes, I know I just used a non-word twice. Doesn't matter. It fit. And I am. And I'm not talking about sleepy, though it does make me feel that way, but I mean tired of dealing. Tired of thinking. Tired of feeling. And of course, tired of being tired.
I have had many overwhelming urges to sing lately. At work, whenever a good song comes on, and even sometimes bad songs that I just know the words to from overexposure, I belt out the stuff I know, not worrying when a customer comes up, just singing in between the things I say to them. I feel the need to sing. Maybe that's telling me something? Maybe I wish I knew...
Know what else I'm tired of? Being jealous. I'm tired of constantly being jealous when someone that I want to myself is spending time with someone else. I'm tired of it because you just can't control that! It's not right and it's not gonna happen anyway. But in all honesty, I would be totally happy if those people that I'm constantly getting jealous with just didn't have any other friends but me. Yup, no friends. Not one extra person to monopolize their time. I mean, c'mon. Is there anything so wrong with that?
OF COURSE THERE IS. It's called being selfish and jealous and whatever else. Crazy, maybe? Not only that, hypocritical too. Cause I'm just as happy as a frickin clam having bunches of acquaintances and hanging out with whoever, when that happens.
I think that there's a lot of stuff still wrong with me. I also realize that was a total subject change. Oh well. I think that I have plenty to figure out with myself still and that mentally, there's still some stuff wrong with me. Really. I know a lot of you don't see it, but I do. I know my feelings and problems are still there, hiding themselves in crevices and waiting to come out. They wait a good while too. Long enough for me to start thinking I'm done, I've got no problems anymore. But they never go away. Will they ever? I truly wonder. I truly truly wonder. Will my problems ever go away? Man do I hope so...
Look, maybe I just need to get some sleep. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning. Maybe this cramp in my leg'll be gone and I'll be thinking less, or none, about what I am right now. And maybe...man, I lost my train of thought. I really am starting to get tired. Ok, I'm gonna head to bed. Though, I'm really hungry. Maybe I'll eat some pudding or Chex Mix or something. But yeah, lemme post this before I fall asleep with it up. Cause then I'll never post it. I'll wake up the next morning (or later today, whatever) and be like, I wrote this? But I don't feel that way anymore, so lemme not post it. Nah, I don't want to do that. I want to post this cause I took too frickin long writing it. And I'm getting hungrier by the second. I feel like my stomach's eating itself. Alright, good night people. Unless you're already asleep. Like sane people. And non-teenagers/college students/people who work the graveyard shift (I'm sorry for you people!).
Wait, must be cause I'm getting tired, but I don't think those last few sentences make sense. Let's see, I said goodnight people. Then unless you're asleep. Then, like sane people. Then I named a bunch of people who wouldn't be asleep right now. Yeah... Definitely doesn't make sense. Oh well, don't fee like fixing it. Time to post! Again, goodnight.
I have had many overwhelming urges to sing lately. At work, whenever a good song comes on, and even sometimes bad songs that I just know the words to from overexposure, I belt out the stuff I know, not worrying when a customer comes up, just singing in between the things I say to them. I feel the need to sing. Maybe that's telling me something? Maybe I wish I knew...
Know what else I'm tired of? Being jealous. I'm tired of constantly being jealous when someone that I want to myself is spending time with someone else. I'm tired of it because you just can't control that! It's not right and it's not gonna happen anyway. But in all honesty, I would be totally happy if those people that I'm constantly getting jealous with just didn't have any other friends but me. Yup, no friends. Not one extra person to monopolize their time. I mean, c'mon. Is there anything so wrong with that?
OF COURSE THERE IS. It's called being selfish and jealous and whatever else. Crazy, maybe? Not only that, hypocritical too. Cause I'm just as happy as a frickin clam having bunches of acquaintances and hanging out with whoever, when that happens.
I think that there's a lot of stuff still wrong with me. I also realize that was a total subject change. Oh well. I think that I have plenty to figure out with myself still and that mentally, there's still some stuff wrong with me. Really. I know a lot of you don't see it, but I do. I know my feelings and problems are still there, hiding themselves in crevices and waiting to come out. They wait a good while too. Long enough for me to start thinking I'm done, I've got no problems anymore. But they never go away. Will they ever? I truly wonder. I truly truly wonder. Will my problems ever go away? Man do I hope so...
Look, maybe I just need to get some sleep. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning. Maybe this cramp in my leg'll be gone and I'll be thinking less, or none, about what I am right now. And maybe...man, I lost my train of thought. I really am starting to get tired. Ok, I'm gonna head to bed. Though, I'm really hungry. Maybe I'll eat some pudding or Chex Mix or something. But yeah, lemme post this before I fall asleep with it up. Cause then I'll never post it. I'll wake up the next morning (or later today, whatever) and be like, I wrote this? But I don't feel that way anymore, so lemme not post it. Nah, I don't want to do that. I want to post this cause I took too frickin long writing it. And I'm getting hungrier by the second. I feel like my stomach's eating itself. Alright, good night people. Unless you're already asleep. Like sane people. And non-teenagers/college students/people who work the graveyard shift (I'm sorry for you people!).
Wait, must be cause I'm getting tired, but I don't think those last few sentences make sense. Let's see, I said goodnight people. Then unless you're asleep. Then, like sane people. Then I named a bunch of people who wouldn't be asleep right now. Yeah... Definitely doesn't make sense. Oh well, don't fee like fixing it. Time to post! Again, goodnight.