11 Minutes and Then Some...
So, I wont go into why I've not been updating or why I suddenly stopped my regular bloggin' ... what I will do is this...
I have a couple of thoughts that wont leave my mind. I need to write them down I think in order for them to rest.
the first is this... (which came to me on my way to work a few weeks ago)
Each day I notice people... little people, we call babies, who grow into big people, we call adults. In time we all grow into old people and are called all sorts of things. Along the way choices are made that change entirely the course of our lives and in many ways the lives of those around us. It seems like such chaos really. How can I know when a choice has been right or is there a reason I sometimes hesitate in making them? I know for certain that I am aware, and thus the accountability is my own. Despite the chaos and the inability to predict outcomes, really it repeatedly comes down to choosing between taking a chance or avoiding all risks. Where in that equation do i lie and really do i have a choice? I've thought recently that maybe it's an ebb and flow.
This is not an original thought I'm sure, but the fact that I'm thinking it tells me that something is brewing.
Today as I read yet another masterpiece from Paulo Coelho, I realize that there must be some order in the chaos. His books always seem to find me when I need to read them. Or is it that they awaken in me parts of my being that his writing is designed to tap into? I can't be sure.
I am left thinking that we are all two beings; two versions of ourselves. One version seeks continually "the joy, passion and adventure that life can give". The second version "wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved". These versions are in constant battle, "a devine dance with serious risks". Paulo warns that without due reverence the meeting of the two can result in the destruction of one or the other.
What I recognize about myself of late is that I have created a world full of routine and accomplishment because my reality had become more chaotic than I can handle. I've sought salvation in the predictability of everyday and validation in what I can produce and accomplish. None of this is new for me. I'm doing it yet again with this year's plan. I'm setting out to write my thesis and to complete my third Ironman. What will be required includes a day to day monontony and solitude with an intense focus that is completely centred on what I can do or perhaps be, but not at all on who I am. What about my heart? I have seemingly closed a door on passion and on all fronts on love. This can't be a good idea... it is evident based on the frequency of my breaks in concentration and my overall sense of frustration that my heart does not like being ignored.
The question now is... am I living purposefully or is one version of me nearing destruction?
I need to think more about that.
J. Lo.
I have a couple of thoughts that wont leave my mind. I need to write them down I think in order for them to rest.
the first is this... (which came to me on my way to work a few weeks ago)
Each day I notice people... little people, we call babies, who grow into big people, we call adults. In time we all grow into old people and are called all sorts of things. Along the way choices are made that change entirely the course of our lives and in many ways the lives of those around us. It seems like such chaos really. How can I know when a choice has been right or is there a reason I sometimes hesitate in making them? I know for certain that I am aware, and thus the accountability is my own. Despite the chaos and the inability to predict outcomes, really it repeatedly comes down to choosing between taking a chance or avoiding all risks. Where in that equation do i lie and really do i have a choice? I've thought recently that maybe it's an ebb and flow.
This is not an original thought I'm sure, but the fact that I'm thinking it tells me that something is brewing.
Today as I read yet another masterpiece from Paulo Coelho, I realize that there must be some order in the chaos. His books always seem to find me when I need to read them. Or is it that they awaken in me parts of my being that his writing is designed to tap into? I can't be sure.
I am left thinking that we are all two beings; two versions of ourselves. One version seeks continually "the joy, passion and adventure that life can give". The second version "wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved". These versions are in constant battle, "a devine dance with serious risks". Paulo warns that without due reverence the meeting of the two can result in the destruction of one or the other.
What I recognize about myself of late is that I have created a world full of routine and accomplishment because my reality had become more chaotic than I can handle. I've sought salvation in the predictability of everyday and validation in what I can produce and accomplish. None of this is new for me. I'm doing it yet again with this year's plan. I'm setting out to write my thesis and to complete my third Ironman. What will be required includes a day to day monontony and solitude with an intense focus that is completely centred on what I can do or perhaps be, but not at all on who I am. What about my heart? I have seemingly closed a door on passion and on all fronts on love. This can't be a good idea... it is evident based on the frequency of my breaks in concentration and my overall sense of frustration that my heart does not like being ignored.
The question now is... am I living purposefully or is one version of me nearing destruction?
I need to think more about that.
J. Lo.