(no subject)
Title: The Top of Our Lungs
Author: jacqui_hw
Rating: G
Word Count: 1800 (approx)
Pairing: Panic gen fic. (Mentions of Spencer/Haley, possible Brendon/Ryan if you look for it)
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I don't know them. Any resemblance to real life is purely coincidental.
Summary: So every year Ryan made Spencer a card for Valentine's Day and every year Spencer pretended he had no idea Ryan had made it. Fluffy, fluff, fluff.
AN: A big thank you to ditchwitchbitch for the beta and doublefourtime for her thoughts on how Ryan and Spencer used to spend their Valentine's Days cuddle club omg.
When Ryan was seven, he received a huge pink and red concoction of a card on Valentine's Day. It was covered in lace and glitter, and Ryan's face was the same bright red as the giant heart on the front when he showed it to Spencer.
Spencer was not jealous of the attention Ryan got from girls. Ryan mostly looked like a girl himself, only he wasn't as dumb and he didn't giggle and he seemed to be happy spending all his time with Spencer.
He was however, jealous of the card. Spencer didn't get Valentine cards. He didn't get presents from girls. And no, he didn't want something huge and pink with lace on it, but he did want something. It just wasn't fair otherwise.
Ryan noticed, because Ryan noticed everything, especially when it came to Spencer.
The next year, a week before Valentine's Day, Ryan locked himself away in his room and made Spencer a valentine. It was bigger than the card Ryan had received, less pink but with a little bit of lace and fabric hearts and shiny moons and stars.
Ryan tied it with an old ribbon from a long forgotten Christmas present he found under his bed and got up early on Valentine's Day to sneak the card in Spencer's mailbox.
Spencer had beamed so hard at Ryan when they met after school the next day that Ryan thought maybe he'd accidentally signed his name. But Spencer simply showed Ryan the card, bouncing excitedly and Ryan smiled and enjoyed Spencer's happiness, happy to remain anonymous.
In fact Spencer did know the card was from Ryan. Who else would have given him a card? He couldn't disguise his handwriting that well, and Spencer was sure Ryan had asked his opinion on the poem inside just the week before. But Ryan obviously wanted it to be a secret, just something to make Spencer happy and what Ryan wanted, Ryan got as far as Spencer was concerned.
So every year Ryan made Spencer a card for Valentine's Day and every year Spencer pretended he had no idea Ryan had made it. Every card was different and as time passed they grew more sophisticated and the poems more meaningful, but it was still a card to a best-friend, from a best-friend and Spencer thought even if he never had a girlfriend, he was pretty lucky to have the best best-friend in the world.
~
The first Valentine's Day that Brendon spent with them, Spencer's card from Ryan - a shiny gold and red thing with green hearts on tiny springs that shook when someone touched it - stood on Spencer's bedside table and was the first thing Brendon saw when he walked into Spencer's bedroom.
Brendon had never had a Valentine and Spencer's was so pretty and bright and personal, it made Brendon ache a little.
"Nice card," he'd said, throwing his bag onto Spencer's bed and smiling so wide and so hard and so fakefakefake, that Spencer knew, he just knew what Brendon was feeling.
Maybe if Brendon had said something, maybe if he'd pouted or complained, Spencer wouldn't have said anything about it.
But Brendon simply looked at it, reached out as though to touch it and then pulled his hand back.
"Go ahead," Spencer said. "Really, it's fine."
Brendon picked it up carefully and studied for a moment. Then he opened it and read the poem.
He frowned and looked up at Spencer sharply. "Is this..?"
Spencer nodded. "It's from Ryan yeah."
Brendon's heart clutched painfully. He'd had no idea that Ryan and Spencer were... that Ryan...
"It's a secret," Spencer told him and shook his head when Brendon flinched. "No, no. We're not. It's not like that. He just makes me one every year and pretends he didn't. And I pretend I don't know it's from him."
Later, when practice was over and Brent had gone home, and Spencer was in the kitchen getting them some drinks, Brendon pointed out the card to Ryan.
"That's pretty isn't it?"
Ryan shrugged. "It's okay I guess. If you like Valentines."
"Who wouldn't like a Valentine?" Brendon asked incredulously. "I'd love to get one."
"You've haven't had one?" Ryan was biting his lip and watching Brendon carefully.
"No," Brendon sighed. "Never."
~
The following year, Brendon received a Valentine from Ryan that he thought might be comprised entirely of glitter. It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. The poem inside made him grin so hard he was afraid to talk to Ryan all day in case he gave away the secret. Instead he lay on his bed and looked at it and read it and felt happier than he had in a long time.
~
The year Spencer started dating Haley, Ryan didn't make him a Valentine.
Brendon and Spencer had taken to showing each other their cards and admiring the work that Ryan put into them, so Brendon showed up on Spencer's doorstep early that morning with something that looked to Spencer like it was made from genuine muppet fur. Brendon shook it excitedly in Spencer's face.
"It's a heart," Brendon exclaimed rubbing it against his cheek. "A furry heart of my own." He laughed and looked at it a little adoringly. "What did you get?"
"Nothing," Spencer said.
"Nothing?" Brendon was confused.
"I got a card from Haley."
"But what did you get from Ryan?"
"Nothing," Spencer snapped and Brendon knew it was time to stop talking. "It's fine Brendon."
It wasn't fine.
The cards from Ryan weren't a romantic thing - not in the sense of romantic love anyway. It was just a symbol. A sign of Ryan's affection. Ryan had never been great at hugging, or saying what he felt to your face. This was Ryan's way of showing Spencer and Brendon what they meant to him. Spencer knew that. To not get a card... Well. It made Spencer feel weird.
Spencer remained in a bad mood all day. He called Haley and thanked her for her gift. He told her he missed her. She said she wished she was there with him. He thought he wanted to tell her he loved her, but he didn't say it and neither did she.
Ryan came over that night and Spencer fought to act naturally. There was no fooling Ryan though.
"What's wrong with you? You've been in a bad mood all night."
And Spencer snapped.
"I only got one Valentine," he said and then blushed harder than he ever had in life because that might have been the single most embarrassing thing he'd ever said.
"What?" Ryan looked confused.
"Haley sent me a card," Spencer said, pointing it out, "but that was all I got."
He looked at Ryan and Ryan looked back, and in that moment Spencer knew that Ryan knew. He also know neither of them were ever going to mention it.
~
The next day there was a giant cushioned heart waiting on Spencer's doorstep, with "Sorry I forgot" bejeweled on the front.
~
The next year they were on tour and Brendon and Spencer both knew that Ryan couldn't leave them cards on the bus without giving the entire game away.
So when Jon answered the knock at the door to a delivery man holding three boxes that needed to be signed for, both Spencer and Brendon instinctively looked at Ryan.
Ryan's face was buried in a book. He didn't look up.
There were three floral themed gift boxes, tied with bright ribbon; one each for Spencer, Brendon and Jon.
Brendon clamped down on his excitement as he carefully untied the ribbon.
"What about Ryan?" Jon asked, looking bemused.
"Ryan doesn't want any stupid Valentines," Ryan muttered and both Spencer and Brendon looked up at the same time, surprised. Their eyes met and in a sudden moment of clarity they knew what they needed to do.
~
Jon found the whole thing utterly adorable. Especially the part about six year old Spencer pouting over a Valentine. Spencer punched him in the arm.
~
The worst part for Brendon was waiting a whole year to put their plan into action.
The worst part for Spencer was keeping Brendon quiet about the whole thing.
~
Ryan woke up on the bus for the second Valentine's Day in a row. And for the second Valentine's Day in a row, the first message on his phone was from Pete. Ryan grinned at the photo of Hemmy with a sign round his neck that said I <3 U. Pete was ridiculous in the best way.
He lay still for a while listening to the sounds on the bus, wondering whether anyone was awake yet. He thought about the cards he'd made for Spencer, Brendon and Jon. They were due to be delivered to the venue later in the day. As always, he hoped they'd like them.
With a sigh he rolled out of his bunk and stretched. He shuffled through to the kitchen to make himself some coffee, thinking it would at least rouse Spencer so he would have some company.
He stepped into the front lounge and froze. The room, he was certain, had not been pink the night before. Red velvet hearts tied with pink ribbon hung down from the ceiling, in varying sizes. The walls were covered in cut out flowers, stars and moons. There were photos of Ryan and Spencer, Ryan and Brendon, Ryan and Jon. There were pictures Jon had taken of people at gigs, in the cities they'd played, kissing or hugging or laughing together. There were flowers, real flowers, covering the floor in a carpet of red and pink and purple and on the wall where the TV usually sat was a banner proclaiming "You are at the top of OUR lungs Ryan Ross".
"You're not going to cry are you?" Spencer asked behind him and Ryan turned to find him leaning in the doorway, with Brendon fairly shaking with excitement next to him and Jon standing behind them, watching with a soft amused smile.
"Of course not," Ryan said and then bit down hard on his lip to make sure he didn't when Brendon finally launched himself at Ryan and hugged him hard. Spencer hugged him next and then Jon, and then they pushed him down onto the sofa to give him the card they had made.
"A card too?"
"A card too," Spencer said, and laughed when Ryan's hands shook slightly as he opened it.
"Shut up. I hate you."
"We thought it was time we did something for you," Brendon told him.
Ryan refused to look at any of them. He turned the card over in his hands, tracing the patterns delicately with his fingers, and then opened it.
Author: jacqui_hw
Rating: G
Word Count: 1800 (approx)
Pairing: Panic gen fic. (Mentions of Spencer/Haley, possible Brendon/Ryan if you look for it)
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I don't know them. Any resemblance to real life is purely coincidental.
Summary: So every year Ryan made Spencer a card for Valentine's Day and every year Spencer pretended he had no idea Ryan had made it. Fluffy, fluff, fluff.
AN: A big thank you to ditchwitchbitch for the beta and doublefourtime for her thoughts on how Ryan and Spencer used to spend their Valentine's Days cuddle club omg.
When Ryan was seven, he received a huge pink and red concoction of a card on Valentine's Day. It was covered in lace and glitter, and Ryan's face was the same bright red as the giant heart on the front when he showed it to Spencer.
Spencer was not jealous of the attention Ryan got from girls. Ryan mostly looked like a girl himself, only he wasn't as dumb and he didn't giggle and he seemed to be happy spending all his time with Spencer.
He was however, jealous of the card. Spencer didn't get Valentine cards. He didn't get presents from girls. And no, he didn't want something huge and pink with lace on it, but he did want something. It just wasn't fair otherwise.
Ryan noticed, because Ryan noticed everything, especially when it came to Spencer.
The next year, a week before Valentine's Day, Ryan locked himself away in his room and made Spencer a valentine. It was bigger than the card Ryan had received, less pink but with a little bit of lace and fabric hearts and shiny moons and stars.
Ryan tied it with an old ribbon from a long forgotten Christmas present he found under his bed and got up early on Valentine's Day to sneak the card in Spencer's mailbox.
Spencer had beamed so hard at Ryan when they met after school the next day that Ryan thought maybe he'd accidentally signed his name. But Spencer simply showed Ryan the card, bouncing excitedly and Ryan smiled and enjoyed Spencer's happiness, happy to remain anonymous.
In fact Spencer did know the card was from Ryan. Who else would have given him a card? He couldn't disguise his handwriting that well, and Spencer was sure Ryan had asked his opinion on the poem inside just the week before. But Ryan obviously wanted it to be a secret, just something to make Spencer happy and what Ryan wanted, Ryan got as far as Spencer was concerned.
So every year Ryan made Spencer a card for Valentine's Day and every year Spencer pretended he had no idea Ryan had made it. Every card was different and as time passed they grew more sophisticated and the poems more meaningful, but it was still a card to a best-friend, from a best-friend and Spencer thought even if he never had a girlfriend, he was pretty lucky to have the best best-friend in the world.
~
The first Valentine's Day that Brendon spent with them, Spencer's card from Ryan - a shiny gold and red thing with green hearts on tiny springs that shook when someone touched it - stood on Spencer's bedside table and was the first thing Brendon saw when he walked into Spencer's bedroom.
Brendon had never had a Valentine and Spencer's was so pretty and bright and personal, it made Brendon ache a little.
"Nice card," he'd said, throwing his bag onto Spencer's bed and smiling so wide and so hard and so fakefakefake, that Spencer knew, he just knew what Brendon was feeling.
Maybe if Brendon had said something, maybe if he'd pouted or complained, Spencer wouldn't have said anything about it.
But Brendon simply looked at it, reached out as though to touch it and then pulled his hand back.
"Go ahead," Spencer said. "Really, it's fine."
Brendon picked it up carefully and studied for a moment. Then he opened it and read the poem.
He frowned and looked up at Spencer sharply. "Is this..?"
Spencer nodded. "It's from Ryan yeah."
Brendon's heart clutched painfully. He'd had no idea that Ryan and Spencer were... that Ryan...
"It's a secret," Spencer told him and shook his head when Brendon flinched. "No, no. We're not. It's not like that. He just makes me one every year and pretends he didn't. And I pretend I don't know it's from him."
Later, when practice was over and Brent had gone home, and Spencer was in the kitchen getting them some drinks, Brendon pointed out the card to Ryan.
"That's pretty isn't it?"
Ryan shrugged. "It's okay I guess. If you like Valentines."
"Who wouldn't like a Valentine?" Brendon asked incredulously. "I'd love to get one."
"You've haven't had one?" Ryan was biting his lip and watching Brendon carefully.
"No," Brendon sighed. "Never."
~
The following year, Brendon received a Valentine from Ryan that he thought might be comprised entirely of glitter. It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. The poem inside made him grin so hard he was afraid to talk to Ryan all day in case he gave away the secret. Instead he lay on his bed and looked at it and read it and felt happier than he had in a long time.
~
The year Spencer started dating Haley, Ryan didn't make him a Valentine.
Brendon and Spencer had taken to showing each other their cards and admiring the work that Ryan put into them, so Brendon showed up on Spencer's doorstep early that morning with something that looked to Spencer like it was made from genuine muppet fur. Brendon shook it excitedly in Spencer's face.
"It's a heart," Brendon exclaimed rubbing it against his cheek. "A furry heart of my own." He laughed and looked at it a little adoringly. "What did you get?"
"Nothing," Spencer said.
"Nothing?" Brendon was confused.
"I got a card from Haley."
"But what did you get from Ryan?"
"Nothing," Spencer snapped and Brendon knew it was time to stop talking. "It's fine Brendon."
It wasn't fine.
The cards from Ryan weren't a romantic thing - not in the sense of romantic love anyway. It was just a symbol. A sign of Ryan's affection. Ryan had never been great at hugging, or saying what he felt to your face. This was Ryan's way of showing Spencer and Brendon what they meant to him. Spencer knew that. To not get a card... Well. It made Spencer feel weird.
Spencer remained in a bad mood all day. He called Haley and thanked her for her gift. He told her he missed her. She said she wished she was there with him. He thought he wanted to tell her he loved her, but he didn't say it and neither did she.
Ryan came over that night and Spencer fought to act naturally. There was no fooling Ryan though.
"What's wrong with you? You've been in a bad mood all night."
And Spencer snapped.
"I only got one Valentine," he said and then blushed harder than he ever had in life because that might have been the single most embarrassing thing he'd ever said.
"What?" Ryan looked confused.
"Haley sent me a card," Spencer said, pointing it out, "but that was all I got."
He looked at Ryan and Ryan looked back, and in that moment Spencer knew that Ryan knew. He also know neither of them were ever going to mention it.
~
The next day there was a giant cushioned heart waiting on Spencer's doorstep, with "Sorry I forgot" bejeweled on the front.
~
The next year they were on tour and Brendon and Spencer both knew that Ryan couldn't leave them cards on the bus without giving the entire game away.
So when Jon answered the knock at the door to a delivery man holding three boxes that needed to be signed for, both Spencer and Brendon instinctively looked at Ryan.
Ryan's face was buried in a book. He didn't look up.
There were three floral themed gift boxes, tied with bright ribbon; one each for Spencer, Brendon and Jon.
Brendon clamped down on his excitement as he carefully untied the ribbon.
"What about Ryan?" Jon asked, looking bemused.
"Ryan doesn't want any stupid Valentines," Ryan muttered and both Spencer and Brendon looked up at the same time, surprised. Their eyes met and in a sudden moment of clarity they knew what they needed to do.
~
Jon found the whole thing utterly adorable. Especially the part about six year old Spencer pouting over a Valentine. Spencer punched him in the arm.
~
The worst part for Brendon was waiting a whole year to put their plan into action.
The worst part for Spencer was keeping Brendon quiet about the whole thing.
~
Ryan woke up on the bus for the second Valentine's Day in a row. And for the second Valentine's Day in a row, the first message on his phone was from Pete. Ryan grinned at the photo of Hemmy with a sign round his neck that said I <3 U. Pete was ridiculous in the best way.
He lay still for a while listening to the sounds on the bus, wondering whether anyone was awake yet. He thought about the cards he'd made for Spencer, Brendon and Jon. They were due to be delivered to the venue later in the day. As always, he hoped they'd like them.
With a sigh he rolled out of his bunk and stretched. He shuffled through to the kitchen to make himself some coffee, thinking it would at least rouse Spencer so he would have some company.
He stepped into the front lounge and froze. The room, he was certain, had not been pink the night before. Red velvet hearts tied with pink ribbon hung down from the ceiling, in varying sizes. The walls were covered in cut out flowers, stars and moons. There were photos of Ryan and Spencer, Ryan and Brendon, Ryan and Jon. There were pictures Jon had taken of people at gigs, in the cities they'd played, kissing or hugging or laughing together. There were flowers, real flowers, covering the floor in a carpet of red and pink and purple and on the wall where the TV usually sat was a banner proclaiming "You are at the top of OUR lungs Ryan Ross".
"You're not going to cry are you?" Spencer asked behind him and Ryan turned to find him leaning in the doorway, with Brendon fairly shaking with excitement next to him and Jon standing behind them, watching with a soft amused smile.
"Of course not," Ryan said and then bit down hard on his lip to make sure he didn't when Brendon finally launched himself at Ryan and hugged him hard. Spencer hugged him next and then Jon, and then they pushed him down onto the sofa to give him the card they had made.
"A card too?"
"A card too," Spencer said, and laughed when Ryan's hands shook slightly as he opened it.
"Shut up. I hate you."
"We thought it was time we did something for you," Brendon told him.
Ryan refused to look at any of them. He turned the card over in his hands, tracing the patterns delicately with his fingers, and then opened it.